Relationship advice

[Louisee]

Me and my partner have been together for 4 years now, live together and overall relationship is good. I’m just looking for advice on certain things he’s started doing, for example he will sit there and constantly smack my forehead, pinch my arms,pull my hair I’ll ask him to stop, he won’t, I’ll move away hell follow, he’ll randomly kick me in the legs ( hard enough to give me dead legs)  and again I’ll ask him why and tell him to stop, he won’t, recently he’s been doing these little things constantly and my patience is wearing thin, so I’ve pushed his legs off me and he really didn’t seem to like that, threw a cup at me and I’ve ended up with a bruised eye and cut lip, he then blamed it all on me making me out to be the bad one for retaliating. He will then go out for hours and come back acting like nothing happened. The time recently he’s gone to his parents and Sister and told them I’m violent?  (not once did his family question why my eye was bruised and lip was bust) When in my eyes all I did was retaliate to the situation he had created. I can tell his family believe him with how there acting towards me I just don’t know where to go from here.

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Louisee said:

 he will sit there and constantly smack my forehead, pinch my arms,pull my hair I’ll ask him to stop, he won’t, I’ll move away hell follow, he’ll randomly kick me in the legs. threw a cup at me and I’ve ended up with a bruised eye and cut lip,  recently he’s gone to his parents and Sister and told them I’m violent?  

Do you still live in his parents house? 

Unfortunately you're in an abusive relationship. Please contact domestic violence agencies for information advice support and help getting out of this. They can help you find safe accommodations. 

Do you work? Have a car? Do you have trusted friends and family to stay with? Please be frank about the abuse. If you need to call the police or go to an ER for medical treatment, then do so.

It's unclear why you are staying with him and his family. 

[Batya33]

How long ago did he start this physical assault and abuse? Did something else in his life change like drinking/using drugs/changing meds? Not to justify just to see if  something else was happening.  It sounds like it's escalating to actual violence not just roughhousing/poking.  I think it's horrible to touch someone again after being told not to -like a person who hates being tickled, explains that the first time and the person does it again.  He is being abusive -not the first time he may have poked you in a teasing way but once you said no and he did it again that is abusive and now he's throwing things at you. I would leave before you end up in the ER.  I'm sorry you're in this situation.  

[Louisee]

14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you still live in his parents house? 

Unfortunately you're in an abusive relationship. Please contact domestic violence agencies for information advice support and help getting out of this. They can help you find safe accommodations. 

Do you work? Have a car? Do you have trusted friends and family to stay with? Please be frank about the abuse. If you need to call the police or go to an ER for medical treatment, then do so.

It's unclear why you are staying with him and his family. 

Sorry yes we do live with his parents as we were saving up for a mortgage, I work and drive but have moved away from friends and family for him. 

[Batya33]

Just now, Louisee said:

Sorry yes we do live with his parents as we were saving up for a mortgage, I work and drive but have moved away from friends and family for him. 

Please stop saving for more abuse. Something apparently has changed as you said he's never been abusive before -was he, emotionally, in the past? Please get yourself to safety asap.

[Louisee]

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Please stop saving for more abuse. Something apparently has changed as you said he's never been abusive before -was he, emotionally, in the past? Please get yourself to safety asap.

his parents are going through a separation type thing, still live together but aren’t actually together. Come to think of it this could be the reason why because he’s always been proud of have parents that are still together, I have been there for him through this and been supportive, he knows i I know what hies going though as my parents are separated.

just to add I’m doing night shift tonight so I am safe! Just posted tonight for advice x

[LootieTootie]

What you need to do is called the cops. This is domestic violence. Either it keeps getting worse or you just end up dead.

Please do not be with this man any more. Find your spine to walk away.

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, Louisee said:

his parents are going through a separation type thing, still live together but aren’t actually together. just to add I’m doing night shift tonight so I am safe! 

That's not a good reason to be his punching bag . Why would you continue to live there, no less plan to buy a place?  Do your coworkers know your BF beats you up or do you lie about bruises and black eyes? You're in a classic domestic violence situation and there's help for you.

[Batya33]

19 minutes ago, Louisee said:

his parents are going through a separation type thing, still live together but aren’t actually together. Come to think of it this could be the reason why because he’s always been proud of have parents that are still together, I have been there for him through this and been supportive, he knows i I know what hies going though as my parents are separated.

just to add I’m doing night shift tonight so I am safe! Just posted tonight for advice x

Tonight your are safe.  Be safe in the morning by packing up ASAP and getting the heck out of there.  I realize  you have a job in your new area so for now find a safe place like at a shelter -temporarily and if you have the means to move close to your family I'd prioritize that if at all possible.  Take care. 

[smackie9]

It's abuse to keep you down a notch/in your place. Some use small comments, some use manipulation/gaslighting, and some cases use physical abuse...even tho it's small non life threatening things, he's doing it to control you along with gaslighting to deflect what he is doing. He's being a bully. That's what abusers do....in larger aspects of the relationship it's good to keep you hooked/obligated while they get away with doing those things to you. They make sure that you feel guilty if you call them out on their behavior or try to leave. he's trying to pound down your self esteam...to keep you where he wants you...dependent/in love with him. It's a mental sickness. Over time it can escalate to violence. Since you have been calling him out on it, his defense is going to his family, making them believe it you that's being abusive, to hold up an innocent persona...playing the victim. he's becoming a dangerous guy OP. You need to quietly escape, find a safe place to get away from him. And when you do, do not have any kind of communication with him. He will pull out the guns on you, and become such a problem in your life. 

[MissCanuck]

This man is abusing you. 

Please, don't waste your life on him. Start making a plan to safely exit this relationship, and start now. 

[TeeDee]

21 hours ago, Louisee said:

Me and my partner have been together for 4 years now, live together and overall relationship is good. 

No it's not.  If that is your definition of good you have issues.  Get counseling.  Any aggressive or meanspirited unwelcome touching is abusive.  

[sheera]

On 4/22/2024 at 3:46 AM, Louisee said:

First and foremost, your safety is the top priority. If you ever feel like you are in immediate danger, please consider reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or a local domestic violence hotline for support and guidance on how to stay safe. It's also crucial to understand that you are not to blame for your partner's actions. No one deserves to be treated with violence or abuse, regardless of the circumstances. It's not okay for your partner to physically harm you, and his attempts to blame you for his actions are manipulative and unfair. Additionally, it's important to consider whether you want to continue the relationship with someone who is unwilling to respect your boundaries and who has demonstrated a willingness to use violence against you. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel safe, valued, and respected.