What are some things I should do before officially ending my life?

[Der4546]

My first memory of feeling suicidal that I’m sure of is when I was 9. I’m 18 at the moment and plan on doing it next year on July 24, 2025. I won’t say how, but it’s a peaceful way to go if done properly. I’m giving myself enough time to save up money and to spend some extra time with family. So it’s not anything major, like as in the date. I’ve tried therapy, meds, CBT, DBT, have been to mental hospitals as both a kid, the first time was 16 and as an adult, talking about how I’m feeling, coping skills, etc. I’m tired of living and fighting and I should live or die on my terms. I know it will hurt my family. I’m writing notes right now. I’m thinking about inviting my teacher to my funeral. Is that a bad idea or no? Is there any last things I should do or things I should do.

[Batya33]

I'm so so sorry you're feeling this way.  Please call a suicide hotline and reach out for resources. There is help.  I hope you feel better.

[TeeDee]

Please reconsider.  Tell your parents your plan. Go back to therapy.  Really work your program. 

Sometimes you have to work to find the right therapist.  I have been in search of a good fit for 6 months or so.  I have been through 4 so far; this last one might work.  My previous therapist retired.  

As bleak as things seem at 18/19 those seemingly insurmountable problems will be mere molehills by the time you are 28/29.  You just have to get there.  

It's soooooo hard when you are young, when you don't have your own money or your own space.  It's better as an adult when you have more power to change things. 

What are the issues that have caused you to feel this way?  Maybe we can share our stories to help you find the light at the end of your tunnel.  

Another option I recommend is go to church.  I casted about trying to find something that worked:  alcohol; prescription drugs, mediation, mindfulness, deep breathing, exercise.  None helped me as much as prayer.  Give it a shot.  

[Crawfords Wine]

It breaks my heart, reading your post.

You are so young, still. With so much road left to travel.
Please appreciate that you are just coming out of puberty, which is for a lot of people a time fraught with fear, anxiety, desperation, loss and change. 
It's such a lot to cope with.

You as a person are still growing, still developing and still learning. Your body may now be (almost) fully developed, but your brain is not. The human brain reaches maturity in its mid 20s, so please keep that in mind.

I am old, and I shan't tire you with the usual platitudes of still having so much to live for and to look forward to, I'm sure you've heard them all before and right now those notions probably seem a bit abstract and alien to you. 
But it's true that despite life giving us ebbs and flows, it's the most adventurous rollercoaster ride you'll ever experience. 
It would be a damn shame if you got off it before it got to its natural finish line.

Please speak to your family about how you're feeling. They would want to know, and perhaps help if they can. 

[boltnrun]

6 hours ago, Der4546 said:

I’m thinking about inviting my teacher to my funeral.

I would like to encourage you to do this, because it will alert your teacher of how very serious your suicidal ideation is.

6 hours ago, Der4546 said:

I know it will hurt my family

It would devastate your family. There would be no recovery from their grief, feelings of guilt, despair, etc. If you feel bad about yourself, imagine how much worse it would be for your family if you harmed yourself. Please don't put them through that 

There are people who love you. Please tell them how you're feeling. Allow them to love and care for you. 

[Lambert]

I am so sorry you are feeling this way.

My cousin committed suicide two years ago almost to the day. 

It has hurt all of us so much. The guilt, concern and sadness knowing they chose to do this is something I know I will never get over.  Even as I write to you, I am tearing up and I'm getting chills. to face the cruel hard truth that he chose this and he is no longer with us, is something that truly haunts me and I just carry that with me. 

They didn't end the pain.  They passed the pain on to all of us who knew them.  I so much wish he would have had not done this.  

Please seek help. I would give anything to have the chance to help my cuz. 

[catfeeder]

My heart goes out to you. You've picked up the myth that adolescent development ends at age 18, but your prefrontal cortex is only mid-development, and it doesn't complete until between ages 23 to 26, This is why so many people consider themselves to be entirely different people in their 20's.

So you became suicidal as you entered puberty, and you have not yet experienced what life could become for you on the other side of that stage.

You might consider exploring  how to become a peer counselor to help others who are suicidal to feel understood. You might find comfort in offering comfort to keep yourself alive long enough to learn whether maturity beyond adolescence brings a state you'll thank yourself for experiencing.

Regardless of your choice, I would give myself the benefit of researching developmental life stages and teach myself enough to operate on real information rather than on emotions alone. Emotions are fluid, and so are life stages.

Holding you in my thoughts.

[Pamalane]

I found something many years ago that may sound trite in the midst of what you're going through yet it helped me:

Quote

"Anyone considering suicide should do something scary first."

I suppose the idea is that fear of this or that outcome paralyzes us from even imagining a better life yet, if we can make ourselves take a scary step in that direction, we just may find a toe-hold beyond expectation.

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, Pamalane said:

I found something many years ago that may sound trite in the midst of what you're going through yet it helped me:

I suppose the idea is that fear of this or that outcome paralyzes us from even imagining a better life yet, if we can make ourselves take a scary step in that direction, we just may find a toe-hold beyond expectation.

I think this is the sort of thing that is very individual and should only be recommended to the OP by his personal doctor or therapist.  

[jul-els]

I’m sorry you’re in this pain. Life has pain in store for all of us. It also has joy and pleasure. Life is an illusion inside of a paradox. Even a so called long life is over in a flash in the span of eternity, but we all go through it. I recommend the next thing you do is find help from people who can help you navigate this journey we are all on together. It’s just a ride. You only get to do it once and some beautiful things will come from it along with the painful things. Take the ride. Love to you. 

[catfeeder]

13 hours ago, Pamalane said:

I found something many years ago that may sound trite in the midst of what you're going through yet it helped me:

I suppose the idea is that fear of this or that outcome paralyzes us from even imagining a better life yet, if we can make ourselves take a scary step in that direction, we just may find a toe-hold beyond expectation.

This could involve calling a suicide prevention hotline on the Internet. Not to be talked out of it, exactly, because many of the people who volunteer there have been in your shoes and they understand the futility it trying to do that. But rather, learning more about the person or people who do that work, and learning what they can offer you in terms of their own experience. Maybe they found a way to help other people who are going through the same thing, and this allowed them to bridge each day until they found a passion for something that kept them interested in learning how they might impact something important to them.

While nobody here can claim that we could unlock that in you, it doesn't mean that we don't care about you.