Update on my Husband and I marriage - In need of advice !

[Tiffany1981]

 

Just a little update on my husband and I relationship . I posted on here several times about my Husband doing “Gods Work” by doing Uber / Lyft and how during his job he would flirt , sexting , and even on some occasions meeting up with some of his riders without my knowledge .  Caught him sending money and buying gifts for different women On top of that , he would only paid the rent when he felt like it , did not help clean “expected

me to Obey” on top of that had a secret life , where he wouldn’t introduce me to his family and stuff and lied about his background so ,. I finally garnered up the strength to finally leave him and divorce him back in January 2024. Part of the settlement , was that I give him the title to the car (2018 ) Nissan Altima and we leave without splitting any bank accounts or spousal support . I agree to the settlement and more !!Since , he had no place to go , I helped him put half the deposit down on an office space he could reside in, so that he wouldn’t have to be homeless . I even helped him buy a few suits and dress shoes , tolietries, I even took care of the maintenance on the car before I officially signed it over to him , so that he can really have a good fresh start and to help prepare himself and elevate his life . I moved to Houston as soon as the Divorce was filed . Soon thereafter he would call and check on me , then it turned into him calling asking me for financial help ! About a month ago , while driving for Lyft , he gets rear ended , he calls me up to ask me to help him with $1,000 dollars to help with the costs to fix the damage to the car . We get into an argument , and we both agree to file the claim against the person who hits him to fix the car .Yesterday , he reaches out again to let me know , he lost his job with Lyft for xesual harassment . This is the second job he has lost for “xesual harassment “ . He then starts to give me the SOB story about how now that he lost his job ,and now he only had 200.09 dollars to his name , and needs financial
Help while he looks for a job . He goes on to say he wants to get back together to try to work on us , as he will now try to get a high paying job to take care of us , and really try to right by me this time around if I give him a chance . He even confided in me that he being around women is temptation for him , so he will need a job where he doesn’t work around a lot of women as that is a trigger for him . SMH

 

 

 

[boltnrun]

Change your number.

Seriously. Why allow him access to your money AND your emotions?

Please don't tell us "but I LOVE him!" 

[Wiseman2]

20 minutes ago, Tiffany1981 said:

 ,. I finally garnered up the strength to finally leave him and divorce him back in January 2024. 

Congratulations. Now that you are legally divorced, he's no longer your problem. Please delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps.

He can go to social services for housing assistance, food stamps, employment assistance and training as well as healthcare. He can be assigned a caseworker and they'll take care of his problems. 

Please enlist the support of family friends and a therapist so you don't backslide into this mess again. 

[HeartGoesOn]

As long as you allow him to run the show you'll continue to see the same result.  What you see is what you get.

[Tiffany1981]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Change your number.

Seriously. Why allow him access to your money AND your emotions?

Please don't tell us "but I LOVE him!" 

Nope , not at all . Just kinda feel bad for the guy because he doesn’t have anyone or anywhere to live .I  don’t have those types of feelings for him anymore 

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Tiffany1981 said:

Nope , not at all . Just kinda feel bad for the guy because he doesn’t have anyone or anywhere to live .I  don’t have those types of feelings for him anymore 

And who chose to engage in behavior that got him fired from his job? Who chose to engage in cheating and sneaky behavior that resulted in him losing his wife and his home? HE did. He didn't make a "mistake", he chose this.

Just as you are choosing to finance and reward his bad behavior by paying his bills for him.

You can feel empathy for people who deserve it. But this man? Got what he figuratively asked for.

He hasn't suddenly realized he loves you so darn much, BTW. He wants your money. Period. 

I still strongly recommend you change your number and block him from contacting you.

[Tiffany1981]

8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

And who chose to engage in behavior that got him fired from his job? Who chose to engage in cheating and sneaky behavior that resulted in him losing his wife and his home? HE did. He didn't make a "mistake", he chose this.

Just as you are choosing to finance and reward his bad behavior by paying his bills for him.

You can feel empathy for people who deserve it. But this man? Got what he figuratively asked for.

He hasn't suddenly realized he loves you so darn much, BTW. He wants your money. Period. 

I still strongly recommend you change your number and block him from contacting you.

You are right 

[Coily]

he clearly needs to work on an oil rig, very few if any women.

Good that things are final, now you can have a life free of that clown show.

[Andrina]

https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2017/03/assertive-communication-stop-being-a-doormat-and-regain-your-self-respect

Please read this article and others like it, which is about signs you're a doormat, and how to change that. A notable quote from the article:

"...some of you are giving to the point of harming yourselves."

Keep that proactivity of leaving him progress to cutting him off from communication, which others rightly suggested. That's when you will really be able to give yourself even more kudos for doing what's best for yourself.

[boltnrun]

Also look into codependency. This is when you are so focused on trying to "help" others you do things that can actually harm yourself emotionally, financially, even physically (health). This is done out of fear of being unloved or forgotten. 

You are not required to finance this man's poor choices. 

[catfeeder]

I'd say, "Tell it to my lawyer." and block him.

Remember WHY you left him, and respect your Self.

[DarkCh0c0]

10 hours ago, Tiffany1981 said:

Nope , not at all . Just kinda feel bad for the guy because he doesn’t have anyone or anywhere to live .I  don’t have those types of feelings for him anymore 

This is the result of HIS OWN actions.

All he had to do was do his job and not harass women. Like a regular person. Instead, HE CHOOSES to be a creep and assault women, and in turn lose his job. HE CHOOSES to do it also while cheating on his wife.

And here you are, funding it all for him. Funding an assaulter. How does that sound to you?

OP, YOU are NOT responsible for this adult. HE is. He is responsible to find money. He is responsible of his horrible action.

You divorced him. And that's absolutely a great step forward for your life. You need to move on. Block and delete his number or change yours. Simple. No need to be a doormat any more. No need to feel any guilt. Stand up for you. You are worthy of a better relationship and a better life.

[Kwothe28]

I think youve been more then fair in the divorce. Anything he does after that is on him. He cant legally go for your money(as divorce was finalized) so let him do whatever he wants and face the consequences of his actions.