Feeling depressed and the wounds still are fresh.

[nattz4512]

It's been 3 weeks since a person that I thought really cared  and loved me "ghosted" me.

It still hurts everyday...It doesn't help any that we live in close proximity to one another. 

It doesn't help that unless one of us passes or moves...we'll have to see and randomly bump into one another for the remainder of our lives. 

No matter how many times I try to move on and think I'm making slight progress...All the emotions and hurt come flooding back... 

I can't even enjoy looking out of my window as I often did to relax...because most of the time I do, I see him either coming or going. 

My anxieties flare up and I have mini panic attacks when it gets closer to the time he is due home from work.

I feel used, ugly, disgusting,  and disposable.  Maybe it's my fault he lied and  ghosted me.

I feel like he fetishized me, and used me to experience someone from a different culture,  country, and disabled..who's convient and lonely.

All the women he follows on social media (before I blocked him) are of the same culture as him, big boobs, in shape,  feminine,  nicely styled, head full of hair,  nice clothes, nice teeth etc... poloar opposites of me. 

Maybe if I looked like them, and had an actual engaging life, he wouldn't have dropped me.

It bothers me that he is unaffected.  He's cheery and happy. Walks around smiling.  Had a good time with friends over his place last weekend. . 

It doesn't help that he leaves the window either open, or in a highly visible state, with the lights on when he's home.

I feel bamboozled.  I just want a happy ending with someone who genuinely cares for me. 

I had to endure a life of misery and pain, where's my happy ending to make up or convince me the suffering was worth it in the end??

Everyone that I've ever dated has done this to me. Pretended, ghosted me, some discarded me, and quickly got in relationships that lead to marriage.  

I'm tired of being taken for a fool and a toy. 

I guess I'm everyone's crash test dummy

 

I feel deep shame and embarrassment.

[Dancer Candy]

As a fellow person who routinely gets used by others, I promise you that you are not alone in feeling as you do.  I'm really sorry that proximity makes it impossible for you to avoid this person - that's just an added bit of torture!

Honestly I wish I had some sort of magical spell I could cast to make things all better, but really the only thing that will fix the issue is time.  That, and it's important to not give up on your dreams.  We all deserve romance if we want it

[ShySoul]

Someone who ghosts you and makes you feel so used and discarded doesn't deserve you or the tears you are crying. The issue is with him, so don't feel bad about yourself. You are beautiful, inside and out. His actions however, show he is the unattractive one. You deserve someone better, someone who can fully appreciate you for you.

Romance is probably the one area I don't feel used, only because I'm usually ignored. I also wish there was a spell or some easy solution as to how to change things around. But Dancer Candy is right, time is the only solution. That and focusing your attention on something more positive. Find the thing you love, that brings you joy. See all the good qualities you have and your strengths and skills. And have hope. One day love will come your way, with someone who won't hurt you and only strive to uplift you. Keep the faith.

[Batya33]

I hope you feel better soon.  What ways can you show small kindnesses or larger ones to others in your life or community to reinforce how much you matter to others and what positive small kindnesses can you do  today for yourself?

[smackie9]

Remember this...just because he follows all those women doesn't mean he has a chance with them. 

[nattz4512]

I also feel badly for not following my intuition earlier on. I posted about him previously on here and different forum sites..about the red flags he was displaying...and the majority of advice givers basically told me that I was overreacting, and that I was the problem.  

So I convinced myself of this, and followed their advice, and gave him a chance...

It may have been possible to avoid this heartbreak...if I had just trusted myself.

[TeeDee]

You have to find a way to give yourself the happiness you crave.  When you do that you will be happier & more attractive.  

 

I'm so sorry you are in pain.  Hopefully that will pass soon. 

[Coily]

Sorry to read that you are going through this much tumult. I think you need to find some small things that bring you joy right now. Things that can distract you while you are acting as care giver.

Find new things while you are in your down time, new activities or groups to interact with. As you're lonely right now, you are vulnerable. Even if he didn't act with malice, it's not hard to take it as such when you are alone.

What would bring you joy today?

[Cherylyn]

I'm sorry for your pain.  I agree with @ShySoul.  Any time a person ghosts and treats you as if you're yesterday's trash,  they doesn't deserve you. 

Even though my story is not the same as yours,  I know what it feels like to be ignored as if I don't matter.  I know it hurts badly.  I know it's not a matter of anger but it's very painful. 

What has helped me is to realize the other person doesn't care about anyone but himself.  There are times when you don't take it personally (even though it's easy to do),  the sting is a bit less.  A lot of times,  it's not about you at all.  It's about their deep seeded insecurity,  misery and their preoccupation with themselves for their entire life.  It's their way of manipulation and control which is their MO (method of operation) forever.  Once you grasp this concept,  you remove yourself from the equation a little easier.

I hope you can move on by taking good care of your health,  prioritizing your well being with all of your endeavors and surround yourself with very moral people.  It's what I do and I hope it will help you.  Being obsessed with a person who wronged you means that person has a grip and hold on your life.  Never allow it because you're better than him. 

Consider this chapter in your life as sweet freedom.  This is your chance to start anew.

[ShySoul]

4 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

A lot of times,  it's not about you at all.  It's about their deep seeded insecurity,  misery and their preoccupation with themselves for their entire life.  It's their way of manipulation and control which is their MO (method of operation) forever.  Once you grasp this concept,  you remove yourself from the equation a little easier.

Hurt people, hurt people. They take there own problems out on others, whoever happens to be there. Its not your fault and you shouldn't blame yourself. They are the one stuck in this cycle of behavior that will ultimately leave them lonely and sad. Don't let them drag you down as well. 

And remember, just because he looks happy and care free on the outside, doesn't mean that's how he feels on the inside. Alot of times people put on a mask to hide what they are really feeling. I'd wager there is some deep insecurity lurking under that cheerful facade.

13 hours ago, nattz4512 said:

I also feel badly for not following my intuition earlier on. I posted about him previously on here and different forum sites..about the red flags he was displaying...and the majority of advice givers basically told me that I was overreacting, and that I was the problem.  

So I convinced myself of this, and followed their advice, and gave him a chance...

It may have been possible to avoid this heartbreak...if I had just trusted myself.

Always trust your intuition. I'm a firm believer that when we feel something, there is a reason. Give people a chance, look at the situation logically. But if something seems wrong, it probably is. 

Still, don't berate yourself over this. That will only make you feel worse. Look on the bright side, you don't have to speak to him anymore. You don't have to let him live inside your head. You can choose to do any number of things now that will put a smile on your face. Pursue your life to the fullest. Things get better, so don't let one bad apple spoil it for you.

[SooSad33]

On 4/1/2024 at 8:14 PM, nattz4512 said:

It bothers me that he is unaffected.  He's cheery and happy. Walks around smiling.  Had a good time with friends over his place last weekend. . 

It doesn't help that he leaves the window either open, or in a highly visible state, with the lights on when he's home.

I feel bamboozled.  I just want a happy ending with someone who genuinely cares for me. 

I am sorry this has happened to you 😕 ... how long were you involved?

Your story sounds just like mine ... his location ( too close for comfort) , the anxiety of it all etc.  Yeah, he was right across the street ... was awful!  BUT, last fall, he finally moved! 😉  It was for the best IMO. ( after having to live this way for almost 8 yrs)!

It's been 3 weeks, so still very fresh!  You will need a good while to feel fully over this.  meanwhile, can you hang with friends or family for some support?  And do your best to just 'avoid' him.  Keep your blinds closed and go out if possible, when he is not around etc.

In ways, he may be 'trying' to show off, knowing how close you are - to try & make it seem he is so 'happy'.  Honestly, you don't know how he's feeling.....

If it does get to be too much, maybe consider talking to your Dr abt something for your anxiety? 

One day at a time... tc