Should I stay, or Should I go

[Jery Riso]

Hi All. So for context with my current girlfriend, we've been together about 6 months. In the beginning, I was in the process of breaking up with someone else, and there was a bit of overlap with the two girls, about 2 weeks (I know I dragged my feet, but I was never sleeping with both of them if that makes it any better). My current girlfriend posted my picture in this facebook page called "are we dating the same guy" (I was not exclusive with either of them at the time but wasn't upfront about seeing others I guess) so she essentially "caught" me. And now she says she can't trust me, and it has brought a plethora of issues. I feel I am always under the microscope; she constantly interrogates me, during this she found out I lied about how long ago I ended my long term relationship (Was about 3 months, she tells me I said a year, which I don't even know if I said that, but I don't argue it)  we go through this cycle of she wants to break up, she verbally attacks me and accuses me of things I haven't done, I shut down and start distancing myself for break up, then she wants to get back together.

 

Her emotions go up and down within minutes and it makes me feel crazy. She accuses me of still being in love with my ex, she thinks I'm having an affair with someone at work, she thinks I'm checking out random girls on the street. And I am constantly defending myself and explaining myself to a seemingly unreasonable girlfriend. Sometimes I wonder if she would still be this way, had I not lied to her.

 

I have acknowledged that I lied long ago and apologize frequently. I have really tried so hard to rebuild this trust between us. She says she forgives me, but then sometimes she says I am not doing enough. And around we go.

 

There have been some really unhinged moments, she calls me names, she tells me she wants me to "get mine" for lying to her. She threatens me if we were to break up. She's constantly putting words in my mouth. I feel like the guy that confesses to a murder that he didn't commit. Every time we go through these episodes, which seems weekly, I shut down more and more. It's tiring to constantly defend myself against things I never even imagined.

 

Is it unreasonable to want to end this? I really do love her; I think we are a great match when things are good. I just feel so beaten and bruised from all of this, I feel mentally unwell, I feel like I have been physically sick for the entire relationship. Am I going to feel this way for the entire relationship, I just don't know...

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Jery Riso said:

Is it unreasonable to want to end this?

No, its not unreasonable. You are in an abusive relationship. She gaslighted you that its uour fault because you did make a mistake, but in truth, there is no excuse for her behavior. Jealosy attacks, paranoia that you look at other women, name calling, threats, those are all signs of her abusive behavior toward you. And I would suggest to leave her as fast as possible. This wont end and you eill feel physically and mentally sick the entire time. Unless you take a concrete steps, leave her and block her on everything.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Jery Riso said:

  I feel like I have been physically sick for the entire relationship. 

Please reconsider the relationship. This cat and mouse game with your lies and her playing police is extremely toxic. 

It's only 28 weeks and this is a lot of unnecessary drama. You're not a good match and you feel horrible. Why stay? 

[smackie9]

Your poor choice is matched with her verdictive behavior. You both lack in how to communicate like mature adults. As they say honesty is the best policy so maybe put that into practice next time. Yes you should dump her, everything you did or didn't do has resulted in tainting this relationship. You can't have your cake and expect them to accept you are going to eat it too. 

[catfeeder]

18 hours ago, Jery Riso said:

...now she says she can't trust me...

This would render the thing over for me. There's nowhere for it to go but worse.

[ShySoul]

On 3/26/2024 at 5:07 AM, Jery Riso said:

I think we are a great match when things are good.

When are things good? Because it doesn't sound like that could be a very high amount of the time.

You admit to lying to her. You were still in a relationship with someone when you started seeing her. It's understandable that someone might not feel like they could trust you after that. In the future, it's always best to be honest and to focus on one person at a time. As you can see, the cost of not doing that is much worse.

On the other hand, she is more focused on revenge then on actually having a healthy relationship. She wants you to suffer, and staying with her is giving her that goal. 

No relationship should be damaging to a person's mental well being. Both of you are being damaged by this. Take time on our own to reflect on the experience and mature from it. When you find the right relationship, remember it should lift you up, not drag you down. You should be focused on making the other person as happy as they make you feel, not on how everything always feels miserable.