wanted- makeup success after years apart

[Jdesey]

I am 57 year old professional guy, she is 55. We were engaged and broke up 7 years ago. After no contact for 7 years I reached out 3 months ago to make amends and try to establish communication. So far it has been well received but no face to face and all communication thru email.

I would love to hear from men or women who got it back together after a long break. I guess I am looking for some hope that it really does happen sometimes for folks.

[boltnrun]

What was the reason for the breakup?

[Jdesey]

basically I failed to support us and we were not making it financially.  I was just a mess at that time.  I am 100% better now and that is why I am trying for a make up now.. . just looking for folks who got it together after years apart

 

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, Jdesey said:

basically I failed to support us and we were not making it financially.  I was just a mess at that time.

Do you live near each other? Were you connected on social media? What inspired you to reach out? Is she single or available?  Why not suggest getting together casually to catch up and reacquaint yourselves?

[Batya33]

27 minutes ago, Jdesey said:

I am 57 year old professional guy, she is 55. We were engaged and broke up 7 years ago. After no contact for 7 years I reached out 3 months ago to make amends and try to establish communication. So far it has been well received but no face to face and all communication thru email.

I would love to hear from men or women who got it back together after a long break. I guess I am looking for some hope that it really does happen sometimes for folks.

We did -we are 57 now.  We were engaged and got back together 7 years later -almost 8.  We got married a couple of years after that and have been married 15 years.  We had a relatively amicable break up - no drama, no cheating -more about right people wrong time.  Our family and friends were incredibly supportive. We got together for a catch up dinner, as friends - had seen each other once in 7 years, emailed a few times a year.  We were both single, never married, no kids.  We decided a month later to get back together and decided what that meant.  So far so good! Our story I believe is unusual.

[Jdesey]

15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you live near each other? Were you connected on social media? What inspired you to reach out? Is she single or available? Why not suggest getting together casually to catch up and reacquaint yourselves?

she does not do social media, she is very private.  I reached out because I have finally become the man I wanted to be.  No she is not single, but even she admits it is not true love. I have suggested to get together to catch up.  so far all communication is email and a few handwritten letters I sent her. It has only been 3 months since I started started the contact. 

[Batya33]

Just now, Jdesey said:

she does not do social media, she is very private.  I reached out because I have finally become the man I wanted to be.  No she is not single, but even she admits it is not true love. I have suggested to get together to catch up.  so far all communication is email and a few handwritten letters I sent her. It has only been 3 months since I started started the contact. 

I would not be back in contact and be part of cheating.

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Jdesey said:

 she is not single,  I have suggested to get together to catch up.  so far all communication is email and a few handwritten letters I sent her. 

If she is not single, please do not send things to her house. If you are on a mission to make amends with people in your life that's great, but if she is not single or available you need to step way back. 

[MissCanuck]

If she is not single, you are wasting your time. 

It doesn't matter if it is true love or not. 

[Jdesey]

11 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

We did -we are 57 now. We were engaged and got back together 7 years later -almost 8. We got married a couple of years after that and have been married 15 years. We had a relatively amicable break up - no drama, no cheating -more about right people wrong time. Our family and friends were incredibly supportive. We got together for a catch up dinner, as friends - had seen each other once in 7 years, emailed a few times a year. We were both single, never married, no kids. We decided a month later to get back together and decided what that meant. So far so good! Our story I believe is unusual.

how long from first contact to that initial dinner? I am 2.5 months into this and no meeting has been set.

[Jdesey]

ok folks.. let me be clear.. she is not in a big time committed relationship... she lives on her own. 

This post was meant to hear from folks who got back together after a long break,, just looking for some feel good stories

[MissCanuck]

1 minute ago, Jdesey said:

ok folks.. let me be clear.. she is not in a big time committed relationship... she lives on her own. 

So? 

She is still not single. It's still not right to try to intrude. 

 

 

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, Jdesey said:

how long from first contact to that initial dinner? I am 2.5 months into this and no meeting has been set.

The purpose of the initial dinner was a platonic catch up. I'm pretty sure when he asked me to meet up he still had a girlfriend - but they'd broken up before we got back together (when he asked to meet up I didn't know either way and I didn't care -he wanted to meet up for lunch or dinner since he'd be in our city again for the summer)  I think he emailed me probably May or June to tell me when he'd be in town and we had dinner in July.  Then 2 more platonic meet ups over the next month.  Then on the third he asked me to get back together so we could see if this time we should marry.  And I said yes.

I was in a number of serious committed relationships.  The first person I ever lived with was my husband. Living on my own had no relevance to the seriousness of the commitment.

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Jdesey said:

ok folks.. let me be clear.. she is not in a big time committed relationship... she lives on her own. 

This post was meant to hear from folks who got back together after a long break,, just looking for some feel good stories

But you can't get back together with a person who is not available to do so so none of these stories is relevant.

[Jdesey]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

The purpose of the initial dinner was a platonic catch up. I'm pretty sure when he asked me to meet up he still had a girlfriend - but they'd broken up before we got back together. I think he emailed me probably May or June to tell me when he'd be in town and we had dinner in July. Then 2 more platonic meet ups over the next month. Then on the third he asked me to get back together so we could see if this time we should marry. And I said yes.

I was in a number of serious committed relationships. The first person I ever lived with was my husband. Living on my own had no relevance to the seriousness of the commitment.

thank you..  I really appreciate this...  how exactly did he ask for that dinner?  

[boltnrun]

Has she shown any interest in either being unfaithful in her relationship or in leaving her current relationship to take up with you?

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Jdesey said:

thank you..  I really appreciate this...  how exactly did he ask for that dinner?  

Like I said he emailed me and asked if I'd like to meet for lunch maybe it was when he was in town that summer.  We'd seen each other in person one other time -over a year prior for a quick dinner.  We had mutual friends and emailed a couple of times a year. Then it turned out he had a change in schedule on a particular day so he called and asked if we could meet that night instead of maybe it was going to be a week from then tenatively.So we met that evening.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Jdesey said:

.  I reached out because I have finally become the man I wanted to be.  No she is not single, 

 You were married in 2015, but broke up with this woman in 2017?

How long have you been divorced?

 

[ShySoul]

My father was with a woman in his 20s I believe. Decades later they met again as he was divorcing my mother. They ended up married and were together until he passed away seventeen years later. So it can happen. Although their reconnection wasn't exactly smooth or something I think should be emulated.

While it's okay to think about and hope that things can work out this time, try not to get your hopes up. Take things as they come. Focus on reconnecting and being a friend. If she has any kind of relationship, respect her enough to work that out first. Understand that just as you have changed in these years, so has she. She may not be the person you remember or be willing to risk herself again with you. If she does still have feelings for you, it may take time for her to be able to open up and trust you given your past. 

I say this not to discourage you. I hope it can work out and that both of you can both be with someone who truly loves you. But it takes time and has to happen naturally. For now just be a friend and show her the man you have become. If something more happens, it's beautiful. If not, then it's not meant to be.