If you ask a "senior" parent to "live" with you, is it right to...

[boltnrun]

This is my nightmare scenario.  When I'm elderly and possibly infirm and my kids are secretly saying or thinking "Why am I stuck with Mom?   Why can't YOU take her?"  It feels awful.

Please understand that your mom probably hates the thought of being a burden.  Seems like everyone is trying to do the best they can.

[itsallgrand]

Since your mom is still able to make decisions for herself, it's up to her if she wants to continue living at your sisters long term or not with the conditions your sister has in place. I'm unclear if your mom has a property of her own still or if she can support herself in her older age financially? 

I don't think it's fair of you to criticize your sister as 1) she's been the one to open her home longer term for your mom 2) as harsh as it may sound to some, no one is owed a home by their children. She's doing what she can within her own limits, just like you. 

I do think your mom needs a home where she feels like it is her home, rather than feeling like a guest. Don't think she can reasonably expect that from your sister and it is what it is. There are a lot of great places to live that aren't assisted living but are designed to support for seniors, independent living. Maybe that's an option? 

[catfeeder]

14 hours ago, surferchic said:

There are some other things to explore as I've found through our county's department of aging and social services.

This is good. You may find subsidies to rent or purchase a larger first floor place for you and Mom. 

I also just noticed in your initial post that you said "every other week." That's too much back and forth. If you can find reasonable housing, I can see driving Mom out to your sister's every other month. But as a child of divorce who had to pack bags every weekend, I can tell you, it's a disruptive and stressful way to live.

[Wiseman2]

On 3/3/2024 at 5:48 AM, surferchic said:

Our mom(senior) got ill 2 years ago, so rather than going back to her home to live alone my sister asked our mom to live with her(out of state).  

Is/was your mother's house near you or your sister? Is it just sitting there empty or being rented or was it sold?