Dating Spanish extrovert

[Etigeorgiana]

hello friends, Im dating a spanish guy for a year already, we both are living abroad together.

We broke up during summer time after 5 months of dating and I went back to my country for couple months. During the breakup he was hooking up with 2 girls who were from his new friend group. After I came back, we talked a lot, got back to dating again and even moved together in couple months. Everything was perfect in the beginning, I was just joining new friend group and having good time, but at some point, it started to annoy - Seeing my boyfriend claiming having no social battery with me to talk back but in 20 minutes being really talkative and happy in some corner of the party with one of the girl he was hooking up night before my arrival. We talked few times and he keep claiming that it was normal thing to continue friendship after hooking up when they are sharing same friend group. I tried to be understanding and stopped giving attention to that details meanwhile seeing my boyfriend was decreasing their closeness. After a month of me being understanding with the topic, he came with the statement that he was going to Mountains house for a weekend with friends from volunteering work and to understand. Then I realized it was same new friend group and this girl, we discussed few times was also coming and since i was not official member i could not join. I didn't directly ask him not to go, but i explained how uncomfortable and anxious i would feel during the 3 days. his texting skills are not good and in those days when he will be constantly drinking alcohol, having fun and talking people, his 4 messages a day might really freak me up. Also considering that this girl is being really mean towards me in group gatherings and really confident towards him in front of me, makes me really freak out what drunk HER might try to do in the midnight alone in mountains house with my boyfriend even I trust him. 

Our argument went almost to the point where he was being really aggressive claiming I was crazy,controlling jealous girlfriend not letting him talk or do things. we were on the edge of breakup from my side because i could not stand such ignorance of my feelings and still protecting the 2 weeks hookup fake friendship. We calmed down, talked again, both understood each other's perspective. I tried to be more understanding and he removed her from social media as a sign of not caring and told me he is not going to the trip. 

Another two weeks after he came again saying he really feels sad about not joining the friends because everyone is texting and thinks is going to be fun and if i changed my mind about going. After few more arguments I really felt like psycho toxic girlfriend and gave up, asked to register and go and promised nothing will change after he comes back. I was still expecting him to continue saying our relationship and my feelings were more important than fun trip but in the end he registered. Now im stuck and confused, feeling mad already with my feelings which are coming. I really really trust him and see how invested and caring is he, but he really is aware of my feelings and views about the topic and he still choosing that decision, kills me. 

I understand we are really different, he is Spanish party lover extrovert and I am career oriented, deep connection lover introvert. I also appreciate the care, love and attention I receive from it. But I dont understand am I being toxic and limiting girlfriend or asking the common sense that someone shall be aware of?

My study program is finishing in few months and i need to come back to my country or prolong and stay one more semester here. But after that arguments and conflicts, i am really unsure if it is worth it.  We are 26-27. 

[MissCanuck]

38 minutes ago, Etigeorgiana said:

he is Spanish party lover extrovert and I am career oriented, deep connection lover introvert. I also appreciate the care, love and attention I receive from it.

You two are completely incompatible and it's not working. 

I would end it here so you can each find someone more suitable.

[Wiseman2]

38 minutes ago, Etigeorgiana said:

 he was being really aggressive claiming I was crazy,controlling jealous girlfriend not letting him talk or do things. My study program is finishing in few months and i need to come back to my country 

Please trust your instincts. You don't trust your BF at all because there's no reason to. This is a lot of drama, headaches and heartaches for a year of on/off dating.  Please stop stuffing your feelings down to be the "cool GF".

This has nothing to do with culture or extroversion. He's just a sweet talker and gaslighter who likes to play around and make you feel crazy for being upset about it.

Please make arrangements to finish your program and get back to sanity at home.

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Etigeorgiana said:

But I dont understand am I being toxic and limiting girlfriend or asking the common sense that someone shall be aware of?

For not allowing him to go to holiday with his hookups? No that is quite normal thing to expect in a loyal monogamous relationship.

Trouble is that you found somebody who wont do that. And instead of getting rid of him for good, you are allowing him to gaslight you and do whatever he wants. What I am trying to say is, you are being "toxic" for staying there. Instead of simply leaving somebody like that.

[kim42]

Is there a chance you can go with him on this trip?

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Etigeorgiana said:

 since i was not official member i could not join

Please trust your instincts. He doesn't want you on the trip so he can play around. 

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, Etigeorgiana said:

he is Spanish party lover extrovert and I am career oriented, deep connection lover introvert.

That's not the meaningful difference.  Extroverts and introverts can make great couples -I'm in one -.  The incompatibility is he is not behaving consistently with a committed relationship -and in particular your standards of what a committed relationship is.  Shy people do this.  Outgoing people do this. Party lovers do this.  Meaning it's not about that it's about values and loyalty when you make promises including in a committed relationship.

Ask yourself -how much of a deep connection lover are you when you're turning a blind eye to a person who is choosing not to be available to you in a committed way? You're making excuses. One would think if you truly wanted a deep connection you wouldn't tolerate someone who prioritized being connected to other women in the way he does.

[catfeeder]

My own private rule is that I won’t involve myself with anyone who is still involved with an ex lover, in any way, shape or form, beyond shared children. You’re learning WHY.

I’d ditch him and move on to find someone who is loyal.

[Andrina]

People who know how to act appropriately in serious relationships know they have to make accommodations for the good of the relationship. A person has to evolve and change the activities he/she once engaged in as a single person.

He could care less about losing you, because he would never be taking a co-ed trip without you that involves his ex-sex partner also being in attendance. He also would choose to not hang out in a group where a member was being mean to you, especially his ex, F buddy. No surprise he didn't change who he hangs out with, even as his gf is being treated like this. Even without the sex partner issue, most people would leave the group and make plans with individual friends or only attend smaller group outings when the toxic person wouldn't be there. 

Your self-worth is in the gutter since you didn't make a speedy exit the moment these red flags started slapping you in the face. You should've stayed broken up the first time. Be alone and work on your self-love or you will repeat the pattern of being a doormat that a player wipes his dirty boots all over.