Confused888 Posted February 5 Share Posted February 5 This may be a long post for background info and I may be kind of blunt. I am a married woman. My husband gave me a choice to be with another man or woman. I said woman because I didn't want another person inside of me. He said man. He wanted to see me "enjoy" myself and give him oral at the same time. Well, I had to get drunk to do it. Very drunk! The first time, the guy wasn't comfortable having another man in the room so it didn't finish. He had a hard time with what he saw and said we needed to do it again and be able to suck him. Second guy was like the first. So, third time I was really drunk, he said I didn't get into it enough and had to do it with the same one again. I did. I was drunk and we had a plan of what was to happen. I did everything except the most important. I didn't pay much attention to my husband. I hated what I had to do. I cried so much before and after I did it. We had so many arguments and it was getting really bad. He says I did things to this guy I never did to my husband. Things got really bad after and I was forced to do some disgusting things to help him get over it. Now, I also found out that he was cheating on me before any of this with a girl half his age and others. Did he make me do this out of guilt? He says I can't use the drunk excuse because I have been drunk with him and didn't do those things to him. I don't remember most of it. We had an agreement that I kept my eyes shut and pretend it was my husband. I remember things when I did open my eyes, but not alot. He doesn't believe that in my head, I hated every second and just wanted to get it over with. He calls me names and makes me feel horrible about myself. After 33 years together he left me and after 1 day, he was with someone else. We still have 2 kids at home that he ignores just so he can make my life miserable. Don't get me wrong, other that this situation he is a great person. I know it sounds like I am defending him, but he is hurt. He says he is competitive and can't be beat that someone else made his wife feel better then he did. He wants me to remember and admit what I did and felt but I only know what I felt in my head. I don't remember the feelings I had. I don't remember how it did feel but he still has such a problem. After all of this, I still love him. There is more that has happened, but it would be a book. He said he needs me to be with a woman and show him that I can enjoy something better but I am not a lesbian. I don't enjoy that, I tried it before for him and it didn't work but he thinks it would have. That is why he left me because I said I couldn't do it and let him see what he thinks he needs. Am I crazy? Am I wrong for not fixing him? I know that I was wrong for what I did (ignoring him) and I have tried so hard to make it up to him. But he has never tried to make up for the things he did to me. What do I do? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 5 Share Posted February 5 20 minutes ago, Confused888 said: I hated what I had to do. I cried so much before and after, I hated every second and just wanted to get it over with. He calls me names and makes me feel horrible about myself.he was cheating on me before any of this with a girl half his age and others After 33 years together he left me and after 1 day, he was with someone else. We still have 2 kids at home that he ignores just so he can make my life miserable. Unfortunately you're in an abusive marriage. Please consult an attorney for information support advice and help with your situation. Please read up on abuse and contact domestic violence agencies for information support advice and help. 1 Link to comment
Kwothe28 Posted February 5 Share Posted February 5 Well, he is either a "C" word for a man that likes to enjoy that stuff or 35 minutes ago, Confused888 said: After 33 years together he left me and after 1 day, he was with someone else. He just planned all this to justify his cheating and leaving you. My money is on second. Very manipulative person. 2 Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted February 5 Share Posted February 5 2 hours ago, Confused888 said: Don't get me wrong, other that this situation he is a great person. No. Absolutely not. A great person would not emotionally manipulate into doing this to begin with, nor treat you abusively thereafter. 2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said: He just planned all this to justify his cheating and leaving you. Exactly. This man is terrible, OP. Please look into some counselling for yourself as you untangle your feelings and pain around how you've been mistreated. 2 Link to comment
Confused888 Posted February 5 Author Share Posted February 5 I feel so lost. No matter what I so, I do the wrong thing and everyone I love loses. I am afraid of what is going to happen. He says he is at the end of his rope, like a lose canon ready to explode. I am afraid of what will happen next. I want to put this situation through his eyes... My wife ***ed someone in front of me and did better for him then she ever did for me. Yes, I wanted her to do it but I never expected her to do the things she did. Seeing is believing for me and I need to see her do better to me. I want the same sounds, movements and want that she had for him. I have watched the videos over and over and I never have got that. She needs to prove to me that she wants me more, or admit what she felt and do it again not drunk so she knows and can tell me how it felt Link to comment
ShySoul Posted February 6 Share Posted February 6 No man who honestly loves and cares for his wife would force her to be with someone else. Even if both parties did consent, it would be under conditions that made her feel comfortable and the second she was not enjoying it, the whole situation would be called off. He would never turn around and blame her for his feelings and insecurities. Sorry you are experiencing this and I know that I want to cling to the good parts of him you have seen in the past. But he is manipulating you, both physically and emotionally. This is not the behavior of someone who loves and respects you. 20 hours ago, Confused888 said: We still have 2 kids at home that he ignores just so he can make my life miserable. That tells me the man he is. Couples have fights and problems. But it should never involve the children. He's not being a good husband to you and he's not being a good father to them. Given how unstable he seems, is he really someone you want around your children? Please, look into separating your family from him. Is thre anyone else nearby that can assist you? 1 Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted February 6 Share Posted February 6 10 hours ago, Confused888 said: I do the wrong thing and everyone I love loses. You have lost yourself somewhere along the way here. This is not a good situation for you or your kids. You need to get away from this man and set a better example for your children of how a strong woman stands up for herself and removes herself from a toxic, demeaning and abusive situation. 1 Link to comment
smackie9 Posted February 6 Share Posted February 6 What loving man would force his wife to do things she doesn't want to do, and them make her feel so bad, then leaves her. TBH I think that was a planned escape from the marriage. He was looking for an excuse. Whatever has happened to him mentally, you need to protect your children from that. Get a good lawyer. Link to comment
Confused888 Posted March 2 Author Share Posted March 2 On 2/6/2024 at 11:02 AM, smackie9 said: What loving man would force his wife to do things she doesn't want to do, and them make her feel so bad, then leaves her. TBH I think that was a planned escape from the marriage. He was looking for an excuse. Whatever has happened to him mentally, you need to protect your children from that. Get a good lawyer. I should really post some text so you world savers can see the what was offered many times. She had the option to leave and I would give her what she wants. In the future, it's probably best NOT to give advice when you have no idea what the real situation is. Link to comment
Coily Posted March 2 Share Posted March 2 Red herring post from the start, or you got into your wife's account? 1 Link to comment
Recommended Posts