Would you bring that up? (early stage)

[rainbowsandroses]

15 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

He also came a few times when he wasn’t working, BUT why wasn’t he staying the night on work days. His work place is 10 minutes away from my place. 

Sindy, it doesn't matter why you wanted to end it. you weren't comfortable with it, you considered certain behaviors red flags for YOU, and that's okay.

No need to second guess your decision about it now, imo.

The issue now, at least for me and apparently for some others as well, is why your reaction now to him being back on the app and wanting to date casually? 

You ended it.

Let it go, try to not overthink it including why he reached out asking how you were. 

Obviously he still cares. If you don't, that is fine.

Blocking is an emotional reaction, if you don't care, not sure why it matters to you what he does at this point. 

You don't have to respond to his texts if you don't want to. 

Anyway all the best moving forward and have fun on your date with the new guy!!

[Sindy_0311]

I canot pretend I don’t care. As you said it’s logic against emotions. My emotions are still here even though I know that I don’t want to pursue on his terms. 
him reaching out won’t help me in any way. That’s why it’s easier to block. If I don’t respond I suspect that he will insist and call me or even come to see me at work. Now he said that he wants me to update him about my injuries in the coming days, and that he cannot forget me so easily. Again, these are only words, but they don’t help me. 
i block because I do care… 

I ended it, but I did it because he couldn’t reassure me. So basically, HE ended it. 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Sindy_0311 said:

. My emotions are still here even though I know that I don’t want to pursue on his terms. 

That's ok. Maybe he's trying to be nice. People check  exes on dating apps all the time out of curiosity. That's ok. If his new profile says "casual", well it's just confirmation of your instincts that he was along for a convenient ride. 

[rainbowsandroses]

Okay then block. Do what's best for you Sindy.

Try to not concern yourself with or overthink why he's back on the app.

11 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I already have another date planned for next week 😄🙏

How did you meet this new guy?  Are you back on the app or a different app?

In any event, out with the old, in with the new, enjoy!  

[Sindy_0311]

I will tell him that I’m not willing to communicate any further and wish him well. 
if he reaches out again in a few days I’ll block him. 

[Sindy_0311]

1 minute ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Okay then block. Do what's best for you Sindy.

Try to not concern yourself with or overthink why he's back on the app.

How did you meet this new guy?  Are you back on the app or a different app?

In any event, out with the old, in with the new, enjoy!  

I met this one on instagram. We will see how it goes… 

[rainbowsandroses]

I don't think there is any correlation between him stating on the app now that he wants casual and that he only wanted casual with you. 

He asked you for exclusivity, obviously he did not want casual with you.

My take is he's hurt and needs time to process that before jumping back into wanting something serious with someone else. 

IF he had stated on the app now that he was looking for serious, after just being dumped by a woman he cared about, I would consider THAT a bigger red flag. 

 

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I will tell him that I’m not willing to communicate any further and wish him well. 
if he reaches out again in a few days I’ll block him. 

It's really that simple. There's no need to inject unnecessary chaos into the situation. 

[Sindy_0311]

I told him. After he asked me to remove his credit card from my Uber eats… 😂

[rainbowsandroses]

6 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I told him. After he asked me to remove his credit card from my Uber eats… 😂

Sounds reasonable.

Onwards and upwards as they say round here; looking forward to hearing how your IG date goes!   💛

[kim42]

I don't think that him stating on the app that he's looking for casual means that he was casual with you too.

Example from my life: I'm looking for something serious but last year in October I had a brief fling with one guy - it was casual because I didn't see him as someone that could be my boyfriend but that doesn't mean I now only want casual.

[Sindy_0311]

 

3 minutes ago, kim42 said:

I don't think that him stating on the app that he's looking for casual means that he was casual with you too.

 

Yeah but I would never activate my profile 24hours after a “breakup”. This is not really respectful, mostly because we met on that app. I would at least wait a few days, or hide it. But this is me… 

[kim42]

3 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

 

Yeah but I would never activate my profile 24hours after a “breakup”. This is not really respectful, mostly because we met on that app. I would at least wait a few days, or hide it. But this is me… 

I guess we're all different. If a guy ended things with me, I wouldn't care about him seeing me on a dating app. I mean it's over, especially if it was a short relationship.

[Sindy_0311]

4 minutes ago, kim42 said:

I guess we're all different. If a guy ended things with me, I wouldn't care about him seeing me on a dating app. I mean it's over, especially if it was a short relationship.

You wouldn’t care about him seeing you even if you told him that you would wait for him a little while? 

[rainbowsandroses]

17 minutes ago, kim42 said:

I guess we're all different. If a guy ended things with me, I wouldn't care about him seeing me on a dating app. I mean it's over, especially if it was a short relationship.

I agree. 

However, that's my logical brain. My emotional brain would be upset especially if I ended it for reasons other than I lost interest.  Which it sounds like what happened here.

In fact, I recall ending a relationship and my boyfriend (ex) began dating a new woman (exclusively) shortly thereafter.

I was really upset!!  I was on a different forum and folks there were trying to calm me, saying that I had dumped him, he was within his "rights" to start dating again blah blah.

Logically I knew that was true, but emotionally?  I was still upset. 

I recall posting (half joking) that I fully expected that he should not want to date another woman after me for the rest of his life!  LOL  🤣 

I eventually got over it. 

 

[kim42]

15 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

You wouldn’t care about him seeing you even if you told him that you would wait for him a little while? 

I'm not sure if I understand this correctly. If a guy wanted to end things with me, I don't think I would wait for him to change his mind, if that's what you mean.

Then again, I have a tendency to have this black and white way of thinking, which is maybe not the best way.

[kim42]

10 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I agree. 

However, that's my logical brain. My emotional brain would be upset especially if I ended it for reasons other than I lost interest.  Which it sounds like what happened here.

In fact, I recall ending a relationship and my boyfriend (ex) began dating a new woman (exclusively) shortly thereafter.

I was really upset!!  I was on a different forum and folks there were trying to calm me, saying that I had dumped him, he was within his "rights" to start dating again blah blah.

Logically I knew that was true, but emotionally?  I was still upset. 

I recall posting (half joking) that I fully expected that he should not want to date another woman after me for the rest of his life!  LOL  🤣 

I eventually got over it. 

 

I know what you mean. I think I was 'lucky' in a way because almost all my exes or guys I was hanging out with (situationships or however you want to call it) didn't have any social media, so once it was over, I didn't know what they were doing, so I had no news about their dating situation.

[rainbowsandroses]

21 minutes ago, kim42 said:

I know what you mean. I think I was 'lucky' in a way because almost all my exes or guys I was hanging out with (situationships or however you want to call it) didn't have any social media, so once it was over, I didn't know what they were doing, so I had no news about their dating situation.

In my case with my ex, I didn't find out from SM or an app, a mutual friend told me...

But I hear ya, social media, apps etc can cause more problems than they're actually worth imo. 

My FB was hacked into by another ex, wreaked all sorts of havoc.  

I deactivated it. 

Same ex also created a fake online dating profile using my pic and contact info when registering.

More havoc! 

[kim42]

2 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

In my case with my ex, I didn't find out from SM or an app, a mutual friend told me...

Social media, apps etc can cause more problems than they're actually worth imo. 

My FB was hacked into by another ex, wreaked all sorts of havoc.  

I deactivated it. 

Same ex also created a fake online dating profile using my pic and contact info when registering.

More havoc! 

That sounds like a mess, sorry you had to go through it!

[Sindy_0311]

32 minutes ago, kim42 said:

'm not sure if I understand this correctly

In one of his last texts on Saturday he said that he would wait for me for a while in case I change my mind, so I found it disrespectful of him to be back on the app after only 24 hours… but again just not how I operate… 

[rainbowsandroses]

11 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

In one of his last texts on Saturday he said that he would wait for me for a while in case I change my mind, so I found it disrespectful of him to be back on the app after only 24 hours… but again just not how I operate… 

Is there a chance you would have changed your mind had he not gone back on the app so quickly? 

To me, it didn't sound like you would have, you spotted what you believe was a big red flag, you ended it - done. 

Perhaps upon further reflection, he realized that too?

It's simply not smart to "wait around" on the off chance an ex might change their mind. 

JMO.

[yogacat]

I'm sure it's upsetting to feel like someone wasn't as serious as you were, but it sounds like he was honest with you. You just wanted more and he didn't, no harm done in that sense. Now he's back on the market looking.

Of course that is going to make anyone feel a bit stung.

But your ego is the only thing that got hurt here. You didn't actually lose anything, so remind yourself of that.

You dated a bit and he wasn't ready for whatever reason to be serious. You made the decision to walk away and that's empowering! You don't have to deal with someone who isn't ready for what you want. It's all good.

[catfeeder]

13 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I will send him a good riddance text tomorrow and then block him.

I wouldn't. You broke up with dignity, and doing this ^^^ would revoke that. He doesn't deserve to know that you're upset by his profile. You broke up with him, remember?

Quote

I don’t understand why he registered again knowing that I would probably see it if I activate mine…

Why should he care about that? If someone breaks up with me, I'd do whatever I want. I'm certainly not going to cater to their perceptions at that point.

I'd back up and gain some clarity before reacting, Sindy. You will thank yourself sooner rather than later.

[Sindy_0311]

11 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Is there a chance you would have changed your mind had he not gone back on the app so quickly? 

I would maybe have changed my mind if he had invited me over and had not gone back on the dating app… 

[Sindy_0311]

1 minute ago, catfeeder said:

I wouldn't. You broke up with dignity, and doing this ^^^ would revoke that. He doesn't deserve to know that you're upset by his profile. You broke up with him, remember?

I didn’t send anything rude. And didn’t mention his profile. 

 

2 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Why should he care about that? If someone breaks up with me, I'd do whatever I want. I'm certainly not going to cater to their perceptions at that point.

As I explained, I think it’s disrespectful from him to be back on the dating app after pretending he would wait for me a bit longer in case I change my mind. If you want to move on, you don’t say to OP that you will wait in case they change their mind. It’s common sense to me… 🤔