Why does narc ex keep calling?

[Miaow13]

I've been no contact with my narcissist ex (diagnosed as being in-between sociopath and pyschopath) for about a week now after he left, presumedly for his step mother who is 20 years older than him. It started with his dad dying, and he became awful to me. Verbally abusive, punishing me for not giving him my full attention if I needed to go to sleep, etc, and I wasn't allowed to call him out on his treatment of me (which was the usual, x10) as 'my dad has just died!' It was a brutal discard, which ended up with him triangulating us, and her messaging me telling me how horrible I was and how I should leave him alone as he 'deserved better' and I should 'move on and accept that he doesn't want to be with me anymore'.....when I wasn't even aware that we had broken up! So, I think he is taking advantage of his stepmum She has money and a house, and they were liking each other's profile pictures, etc, spending all day talking on the phone when they never spoke before. It's been a week since we talked. I have noticed that he will call me a few times a day (twice in the morning and twice at night) and although I don't answer, I just wonder why he's bothering to call at all? If he's with her now then why is he calling me? What is left to say?

[LootieTootie]

How long were you guys together? 

I don't think it's worth ruminating. He sounds toxic and no contact is the best way to move on. 

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Miaow13 said:

I've been no contact with my narcissist ex for about a week now after he left, presumedly for his step mother who is 20 years older than him.  I have noticed that he will call me a few times a day.

Sorry this is happening. How long were you dating? Did you live together? How old is he? Please delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. 

[Starlight925]

He's been actually diagnosed?  If so, steer very clear.  Block from all platforms, block contact, etc.

As to why he's doing this, if he's been actually a diagnosed narcissist/sociopath, it's informally called "hoovering", as in a vacuum.  The pattern is to keep you in their thoughts, so that every time you see his name pop on on your phone, you're back to thinking of him, even though you swore you'd never speak to him again.

Which is why it's important to block the contact altogether.

He wants you to think that he's this great, misunderstood guy, and he'll say all sorts of sweet things.  But in the end, it's all about him and needing to be desired from you.

My ex found a way to contact me the night my father died, when I was emotionally weak.  The conversation, while I was crying in bed about my dad, quickly turned into all about him.  He "hoovered" me under the guise of being this sweet guy who only reached out because he cared "so much" for me.  But because I had done so much work after our breakup, I saw it for what it was, and blocked him from that method as well.

Block.  Delete.  Go.

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, Miaow13 said:

he left, presumedly for his step mother who is 20 years older than him.

Wut?

Also, narcissists are looking for worshipers, not relationships or even friends. If he has contacted you he misses you chasing him. He certanly doesnt miss you as a person. Dont fall for that and block him everywhere.

[reinventmyself]

It's just an ego boost.   Narcissists need to be fed and they have zero shame using people to achieve this.  Don't feed this one.

[smackie9]

With narcissists it is all about control. By you ignoring him, you have taken control of the situation. It's driving him mad. If I were you I would change my number.

[Cherylyn]

It's because narcs always want to control you and control the narrative.  They make sure you don't have the right to control yourself and they despise your boundaries because it means you're taking back your power.

Don't bite the bait!  Ignore,  block and delete him everywhere including social media,  your phone,  etc.  Give yourself freedom and power with your life. 

[Coily]

At first I thought he was a in informant for the police. lol

Seriously, this guy is just using you to power up his ego. Keep an eye out for this clown when you do block him, people like that can't take No very well.

[catfeeder]

On 1/20/2024 at 8:34 AM, Miaow13 said:

If he's with her now then why is he calling me? What is left to say?

Why take advantage of only 1 woman when you can abuse 2?

In general, breakups can be a very dangerous time for women. Please consider reaching out to domestic violence.org for a referral to someone in your area who knows how to help keep you safe.

[Cherylyn]

Narcs become angry should you dictate your own life.  They do not like it.  They want to be the authority regarding their control over the dynamic with you.  Their goal is to always win and you lose.  It's an ugly game.  They'll never change because they're mentally sick.  The best thing to do is to steer clear and run for the hills! 😵  Ignore,  block and delete everywhere so you can attain freedom and power to choose what you wish to do in peace,  safety and security.  Narcs always want to have their grip on you.  Never allow it. 

You are the one that got away.  Be smart.  👍  😉