Rejected after 3 dates, said he just wants to be friends

[boredinsuburbia]

My friend introduced me to a guy friend of hers back in October. She told me he is very shy and takes time to open up. We texted for about a week and then he wanted to meet me. I wasn't available to do so but we met early the following week. We both seemed very comfortable, although a little nervous unstandably since it was the first date/meeting in person.

He was definitely shy but opened up enough and could engage but sometimes could not make eye contact. We both laughed and smiled a lot and at one point he just looked at me with prolonged eye contact and smiled, I felt the chemistry and he teased me a few times. He paid even though I insisted we split, but he told me no. He texted me after that he had a great tike meeting and wanted to meet again sometime. 

He asked me out again a few days later and our second date took place that weekend. I felt really good after this date as well and we had a lot of fun, and he made me laugh. He did the same thing and looked me in the eyes and held it and smiled. I won't lie I felt in the moment of him more as a friend, but was attracted to his personality. 

The time just seemed to pass and I didn't hardly notice anyone else. He paid for this date as well and we stayed until closing. The next day I Thanked him for a good night, that I had a lot of fun and would like to meet again sometime. He told me he had a fun time too and we would plan something.

He texted me the next day and we talked for a bit. Then I asked him out because I didn't want him to feel he was doing all the work planning. He agreed and everything seemed fine until that night. The date was kind of awkward. We went out for drinks after and he talked but seemed disconnected and used the restroom like 3 times over an hour. He would move around and was acting odd.

I asked him if everything was ok because it seemed like he was bothered by something. He told me no, he just drank too much and was reserved. He laughed and told me he just doesn't know what to say and is a quiet person usually. I felt like I was doing all the conversation starters and I felt annoying.

I asked him if he liked doing things with me and he nodded his head yes. I told him he was a nice guy and so different to guy I knew in the past. He seemed to mellow out some after we were there a while and was able to do more talking. 

I intiated kissing him when he dropped me off and it was a decent kiss. He wasn't expecting it but went in for it as well. We talked over text the next day and then the day after he told me he thinks he just wants to be my friend. He told me he thinks I am really nice and I didn't do anything wrong and it's something with him.

My friend was mad at him and says he is scared. She is wanting to get us to hang out as a group with others because he said he would hang out with me if i was up for it. This hasn't happened yet and I really don't think it will. I told her I think he met someone else but she told me he has not. He has never been in a long term or serious relationship. He hasnt dated in 4 years. I'm just so annoyed because I really liked him as a person. 

I dont make friends very easily and he doesn't either. He has a very small group of people he told me. I just felt like we meshed but I dont know he meant wanting to be friends despite telling both me and my friend so. 

 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, boredinsuburbia said:

 I told her I think he met someone else but she told me he has not. He has never been in a long term or serious relationship. 

It's possible he was talking to someone else on the last date or the chemistry just wasn't there. Either way,  you're not obligated to go out with him because your friend fixed you up. There's not much you can do if he's not ready willing or able to date you at this point.

[boredinsuburbia]

I know this isn't anything I can do. I'm just really confused by his behavior. 

I know no one else can really tell me either. It's just weird how he went from talkative and interested to quiet, shy and wanting to be friends within 2 days.

[MissCanuck]

30 minutes ago, boredinsuburbia said:

My friend was mad at him and says he is scared.

It's silly for her to be mad at him. He's not allowed to opt out after a couple dates? He did the right thing letting you know he wasn't feeling it. Your friend has no reason to be mad at him. He didn't do anything wrong. 

31 minutes ago, boredinsuburbia said:

She is wanting to get us to hang out as a group with others

No. She needs to back off now. Trying to orchestrate group hang-outs after he told you he just wanted to be friends is awkward and over-stepping her boundary.

33 minutes ago, boredinsuburbia said:

I just felt like we meshed

Yes, you felt that way. Unfortunately, he did not. It sucks but take him at his word that he sees you two only as friends. 

[boredinsuburbia]

8 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

It's silly for her to be mad at him. He's not allowed to opt out after a couple dates? He did the right thing letting you know he wasn't feeling it. Your friend has no reason to be mad at him. He didn't do anything wrong. 

No. She needs to back off now. Trying to orchestrate group hang-outs after he told you he just wanted to be friends is awkward and over-stepping her boundary.

Yes, you felt that way. Unfortunately, he did not. It sucks but take him at his word that he sees you two only as friends. 

I know I felt bad for him. I don't find it fair that she got so upset. Both her and his best friend were upset with him about it. 

I'm definitely taking him at his word. It just hurts because he seemed really into it and I felt so comfortable with him. 

I agree she needs to stop trying to set up meet ups, seems to much like a double date in my eyes.

[Lambert]

42 minutes ago, boredinsuburbia said:

 he is scared

I feel like this is something that is said a lot about guys. Maybe women, too but especially guys. 

I don't know what it's supposed to mean but it's BS. Saying someone is scared almost makes it like they are a victim or they need saved or that the other person has to make them "unscared".

This is not your or your mutual friend's responsibility to fix. 

Take this guy at his word.  he's not interested (sorry). Move on and meet other guys.  I know it's tough when you don't meet a lot of people (that's me for sure) but listen- would you get on a bus that didn't run because it's the only bus? NO!

Don't waste your time.  Be glad you had a nice time.  Wish him well and forget about him. 

[MissCanuck]

13 minutes ago, boredinsuburbia said:

Both her and his best friend were upset with him about it. 

They need to get over it and grow up a little. 

He is allowed to not be interested in dating you. Good lord. These people getting upset are ridiculous. 

Would they have preferred he continue going out with you and stringing you along, knowing he wasn't into you? 

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, boredinsuburbia said:

I told her I think he met someone else but she told me he has not.

Eh, who knows? Maybe he did. However if you want a theory, based on what you said, its probably some internal issue. I dont believe that he would give it a chance if he hasnt at least liked you, especially if he didnt dated in 4 years. Which does suggests that there is at least something going on there. Maybe fear of commitment or even something like asexuality. But in any case, that is indeed on him.

Anyway, good news is, even if this has moved on, his issues would probably still be there. So, consider yourself lucky it hasnt moved on further and that you didnt lost more time there. I know you maybe dont see it that way now, but trust me, in the future you will.

 

[Batya33]

Agree with all the others.  I had many experiences like this -both ways -after 3-4 dates.  My expectations were - one date at a time -if there was another date planned I expected him to show up for that date -I never expected that signs of attraction or interest meant there would be future dates or more than one future date.  That helped me stay grounded.  I'm sorry you're disappointed!!