Trust Issues

[Charpal23]

My boyfriend and I have been dating since August and he asked me to be his girlfriend at the end of October. Lately, I’ve been having negative dreams about him (2 of them) and brought it up to him that maybe it reflects how he may be treating me in real life (i.e. cheating). I noticed then he became distant with me after I told him this and we talked about it later that night. He said that he would never hurt me in that way and that my dreams shouldn’t reflect how he would treat me in real life. I instantly became apologetic because I felt bad to accuse him. But lately, he’s been following onlyfans women with provocative pictures, so that may have been triggering me to “accuse” him, since he’s following random women he doesn’t know while he has a girlfriend. I want to bring that up to him, but I don’t want to make it seem like I’m projecting insecurities, but at the same time I want to know why does he need to follow such accounts while being with me? 
 

It came to a point where I had to distant myself from social media and deactivate my account because I felt like I was being too obsessive over who he’s following. His actions and words while we are together are always comforting and he’s never disrespectful to me. I feel like I can have healthy conversations with him and we can talk out our problems. I can tell that he really likes me a lot, but why would he need to seek out other women on social media if he claims I’m the only one for him?
 

I also deleted my social media to get back into healthy habits like meditation, yoga, and reading more books to get back into a healthy state of mind.

How can I build trust? 

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, Charpal23 said:

 he’s been following onlyfans women with provocative pictures, so that may have been triggering me to “accuse” him, since he’s following random women he doesn’t know while he has a girlfriend. It came to a point where I had to distant myself from social media and deactivate my account because I felt like I was being too obsessive over who he’s following. 

Do this is happening. How old is he?  What kinds of problems are you having?  Trust your instincts. How is the intimacy? 

You've only been dating a few weeks and this should be the observation time. You don't need to disrupt your social media in order to deal with whatever he's doing. Just delete and block him so you're not associated with him.

If he's paying for onlyfans and masturbating all day to social media or fancies himself a ladies man following everything in a provocative pic, it seems like he's insecure or has a sex or porn addiction. 

Please reflect if the nightmares and headaches and headaches are worth rearranging your life for so you can tune out his online horniness.

Consider cutting your losses if you aren't happy. 

[Charpal23]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do this is happening. How old is he?  What kinds of problems are you having?  Trust your instincts. How is the intimacy? 

You've only been dating a few weeks and this should be the observation time. You don't need to disrupt your social media in order to deal with whatever he's doing. Just delete and block him so you're not associated with him.

If he's paying for onlyfans and masturbating all day to social media or fancies himself a ladies man following everything in a provocative pic, it seems like he's insecure or has a sex or porn addiction. 

Please reflect if the nightmares and headaches and headaches are worth rearranging your life for so you can tune out his online horniness.

Consider cutting your losses if you aren't happy. 

We both are 29. We are good as to having open communication and he’s been very open with me. We have been intimate for about 4 times since we have been together. He’s very good at expressing his emotions to me and how he feels, but at the same time I’m confused as to why he wants to engage in such content? He has opened up that he is insecure and feels like if a guy were to talk to me he’ll get jealous. I highly doubt he’s paying for onlyfans, he just chooses to follow large chested women accounts. 

[shouldhavelearned]

He shouldn't be following those types of people on sm.

 

Trust works both ways.

You've talked with him about it and if he knows it bothers you it's up to him to change. 

 

If not, and it still bothers you then it's time to move on instead of taking a chance.

[Wiseman2]

32 minutes ago, Charpal23 said:

 He has opened up that he is insecure and feels like if a guy were to talk to me he’ll get jealous. 

Unfortunately this is red flag #2.  It's easier to cut your losses when you're just beginning and not that invested. Please continue to observe for red flags and pace yourself. 

[LINDA]

Just tell him what u feel about it and watch his reaction 

Definitely if he truly loves u he wont make it a case to worry about

But if u told him and he keeps doing what makes u feel hurt 

You have to step back and leave immediately.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Charpal23 said:

 brought it up to him that maybe it reflects how he may be treating me in real life. I noticed then he became distant with me after I told him this and we talked about it later that night. He said that he would never hurt me in that way and that my dreams shouldn’t reflect how he would treat me in real life

You can't.  You've already spoken to him about your concerns and he made it sound like your problem. He'll just keep browsing, following and masturbating to onlyfans and social media models, but hide it better. If you want your self respect deteriorating, just listen to his faux sweet talk and ignore what he's doing.  He's not "cheating" and this oblique dream discussion really doesn't address the issue.

[Andrina]

I wouldn't even bother talking to him about it. He's showing you what a major interest for him in life is--voyeurism and objectifying women. That's his hobby. It's part of his character.

IMO, I always feel it's best to choose men who have healthy hobbies, like sports, etc.

Why are you tying yourself in knots, and trying to block out something ugly he's doing? In these sorts of situations, the bad outweighs the good. Don't sway on expecting good standards. Your lifetime happiness depends on it.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Andrina said:

I wouldn't even bother talking to him about it. He's showing you what a major interest for him in life is--voyeurism and objectifying women. That's his hobby. It's part of his character.

IMO, I always feel it's best to choose men who have healthy hobbies, like sports, etc.

Why are you tying yourself in knots, and trying to block out something ugly he's doing? In these sorts of situations, the bad outweighs the good. Don't sway on expecting good standards. Your lifetime happiness depends on it.

Completely agree. Please stop rationalizing that you're ok with it.  You're not (I wouldn't be either -it's -creepy and gross).

[Cherylyn]

You can't.  Once trust is gone,  it is irrevocably broken.