All that shines is gold...?

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, AndieA said:

I think this is a very interesting question, because I believe the average woman would actually be more attracted to the personality (A) more than looks (B), if the looks are part of a self-centered bore, and that this comes across in the initial meeting/conversation.  But I do not think the reverse is true.  I think men are much more likely to ask out, even marry, a beautiful woman, even if she is high maintenance, self-centered, gold-digging and boring.  Just my observations of quite a few of my classmates, no scientific study I have done.  I have also observed the men who complain that all women want are handsome rich men, are just as shallow when they choose women. 

It depends on the purpose in asking out.  There are many purposes.  Sometimes it's for arm candy.  (I was once someone's plus one at a company event because his colleagues all brought a date -we'd gone out a couple of times but it was obvious we weren't ever going to be an item -on both sides).  Sometimes for interest in dating for a potentially serious relationship.  I know no people -gender irrelevant -who are people of character, integrity, compassion and depth who would partner with someone who lacked those qualities.  Definitely some of those people very much prize model-type hot looks - people are individuals after all - but they won't sacrifice the core values they have in order to be with a trophy looking person.

I know of people who married people who are self centered and/or boring.  Some are good looking and some are not.  Some became more boring and some always were.  Gender beside the point.  I think stereotypically women of childbearing age who want children will prize a man who can financially provide with one income if the woman wants to be a full time caregiver (men usually don't aspire to do so).  But there are many exceptions.

My favorite example -my classmate in grad school was a few years older than me -so -early 30s. Her husband was a few years older than she.  Both very thoughtful, brilliant, kind and homely looking people.  Neither made a lot of $.  Both extremely successful in their fields.  She got pregnant with their first child.  She said to me that her husband said to her "you are the most beautiful pregnant woman I've ever seen."  I know he meant it, she knew he meant it too. Is there anything else in life that matters???

 

[Sally .C.]

The smart guy appeals to me much more, in this imaginary, minimally detailed scenario.

[Cherylyn]

On 11/14/2023 at 5:09 PM, catfeeder said:

Yes. You. Can.

I might enjoy looking at attractive people, but I can do that from a screen. The sexiest things to me are intelligence, warmth and humor.

Yes,  it is most enduring.  I guess I like everything and not one without the other.  It's about balance for me.  To each his / her own.  ☺️ 

[AndieA]

Batya:   I know he meant it, she knew he meant it too. Is there anything else in life that matters???

That is all that matters!  Once you fall for someone, they do became very attractive.  My favorite story is about a pair of identical twins that were close friends with my older brother.  They weren't attractive in the face at all.  I fell for one of them though(crush) because of his personality, and all of a sudden he became good looking to me.  And his brother was still not attractive.  But they were IDENTICAL twins.  

 I know no people -gender irrelevant -who are people of character, integrity, compassion and depth who would partner with someone who lacked those qualities.  Definitely some of those people very much prize model-type hot looks - people are individuals after all - but they won't sacrifice the core values they have in order to be with a trophy looking person. 

I know several classmates who did this.  Maybe not on purpose, but could not see past the beauty to know until after they got married.  Then divorced.  I was quite surprised how many men I knew in high school did this, all divorced.  Because wifey wanted more money, or cheated, or their narcissism became apparent and intolerable, etc.    And this is a small sampling of men.  That being said, I do agree with you, they would not purposely do this. 

 

[waffle]

On 11/15/2023 at 1:50 PM, AndieA said:

I think this is a very interesting question, because I believe the average woman would actually be more attracted to the personality (A) more than looks (B), if the looks are part of a self-centered bore, and that this comes across in the initial meeting/conversation.  But I do not think the reverse is true.  I think men are much more likely to ask out, even marry, a beautiful woman, even if she is high maintenance, self-centered, gold-digging and boring.  Just my observations of quite a few of my classmates, no scientific study I have done.  I have also observed the men who complain that all women want are handsome rich men, are just as shallow when they choose women. 

I have observed the same.

[boltnrun]

I had occasion to be around a very, very wealthy man who owns his own highest level racing team. We're talking hundreds of millions. He's middle aged, balding, overweight and doesn't have a particularly attractive face. I know nothing of his personality or intelligence. I observed his fiancee, who was a good 25 years younger and very, very physically attractive. I told my husband "This is what's going to happen. She'll marry him and pop out one kid. Then she'll divorce him a year after giving birth and will get several thousand a month in child support." And that's EXACTLY what happened. I think she got $10,000 US a month. 

I asked my husband "Do these men think these young, attractive women actually love them? Or do they not care about being used for their money as long as they get to enjoy some of that for a short time?" And my husband said that in his opinion the men know but they feel it's worth it. 

I've also read about men who get messages from women on dating apps and don't find the women attractive but decide to meet up with them anyway, figuring they'll at least get laid. 

I would hate the idea of being used but I'm weird like that. And I can't have sex with someone I'm not attracted to. But obviously others can do it just fine!

[Kwothe28]

2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I've also read about men who get messages from women on dating apps and don't find the women attractive but decide to meet up with them anyway, figuring they'll at least get laid. 

 

That is a part of one other phenomenon. Women, even most average ones, get a lot of matches. And as a result can be picky with their dates. Men, even attractive ones, dont get that ammount of matches. So they dont want to bet on one horse and spread the bets on many of them hoping something would stick. 

Other thing is, women are naturally more picky by default regarding attractivness. Men would very rarely rate a woman as, well lets say "not attractive". While women dont have that problem. As seen by bellow chart. Meaning that furthers the disparity. So as a result men swipe on everything that is at least somewhat attractive. While women swipe on less percentage of men as they just dont find them attractive by default. So it would explain why men would not pass on a woman who message them. As they dont see them as "not attractive" just not, well lets say "model attractive". 

I mean I also always needed to at least like somebody. Just saying that its more of a rating thing then not finding a person attractive by default. Though I do admit that some men would indeed have sex with a tree if a tree has a hole that looks like vagina lol

[Batya33]

I think women who think they will be more valued because of looks perceive that men value model looks.  Where I dated for all of my 24 years of being a teenager and single through out my 20s till age 39 (I had an exclusive boyfriend for about half or more of that time - different men ) it was a big negative for a woman to be overweight and not really a negative if a man was.

 Especially if the woman tried to meet men at bars or single events or later through dating sites. Especially if she lied on dating sites. 
I have a male friend in his early 60s who is single - divorced many years - and I have introduced him to women - from a distance - he lives far from me. He won’t meet a woman who is overweight. Just today I saw a woman post on my mom FB group aboit being older and wanting to date. I think she’s pretty and seems like an interesting person. But she is heavy looking so I won’t tell my friend about her. 

[boltnrun]

6 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Though I do admit that some men would indeed have sex with a tree if a tree has a hole that looks like vagina lol

I had someone tell me that. I believe his exact words were "As long as she doesn't have any diseases and she's not super fat I'm always up for some sex". And others have clearly stated "I don't find her attractive but at least I'll get laid". These aren't high school or college boys either but men in their 40s. 

To me there's just a major ick factor.  I can't let someone inside my body who I don't have an emotional connection to or who's a total stranger. I understand my POV is not universal of course. 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I had someone tell me that. I believe his exact words were "As long as she doesn't have any diseases and she's not super fat I'm always up for some sex". And others have clearly stated "I don't find her attractive but at least I'll get laid". These aren't high school or college boys either but men in their 40s. 

To me there's just a major ick factor.  I can't let someone inside my body who I don't have an emotional connection to or who's a total stranger. I understand my POV is not universal of course. 

To me those conversations have zero to do with dating or relationship preferences.

[AndieA]

On 11/16/2023 at 3:44 PM, boltnrun said:

 

I asked my husband "Do these men think these young, attractive women actually love them? Or do they not care about being used for their money as long as they get to enjoy some of that for a short time?" And my husband said that in his opinion the men know but they feel it's worth it. 

I've also read about men who get messages from women on dating apps and don't find the women attractive but decide to meet up with them anyway, figuring they'll at least get laid. 

I would hate the idea of being used but I'm weird like that. And I can't have sex with someone I'm not attracted to. But obviously others can do it just fine!

I agree.  In these types of arrangements, the trophy trumps love.  Sex is just a transaction, not a loving gesture.   And I am exactly the same as you.  I could not be intimate on any level if I am not extremely attracted to the person.  But there is a whole industry of people who can.  🤷‍♀️

[Tinydance]

Well if we're literally only talking about the scenario you gave, I can't answer based on lack of information. For example, I could either give my number to both those guys or neither of them. For example, if I had nothing in common and no click with either guys. Or I didn't find either guy attractive to me personally. I'm actually not attracted to overly muscly guys. Like, body builder types. Whereas the stereotype of an attractive male seems to be a guy who works out at the gym with a muscular body.

I might give my number to an attractive guy if I was attracted to him personally. But again this scenario had limited information. The question was just, would women give their number. But if we asked WHY they gave their number, I think that's different. For example if they gave their number to the attractive guy just to get attention or for hookup, but they wouldn't date him because they didn't like his personality. 

Also I think that the descriptions of both those guys were more so a stereotype. Like, the smart, interesting, "plain looking" guy. And the hot, but unintelligent up himself guy. In reality the guys would have their own personality, interests, opinions. They wouldn't just be a hypothetical cliche.