Is he interested or not so much?

[VasileiaM.]

  I am 25 and he is 21. We met through a mutual friend who asked us to bring his friend to sit with us. We spent 2 hours in the cafe and he asked several things about me (what I study, what I do in my free time, etc.). I noticed that he was copying my movements as well. I put my jacket on, he puts it on with me, I put my hand on my face, he did it too. When I had to leave I said hello and nice to meet him and he didn't say anything back. Later his friend caught my cousin and told him if your cousin is single and if she is for serious relationship or one night stand. My cousin told him I will ask her to tell you if she is single and he says why are you asking me these things and his friend replies that his friend is interested in me. My cousin asked me and at night he sends him a message so that he can send them to his friend that I am single and I prefer serious relationship as long as I get to know the other person well. Since then 3 days have passed and he still hasn't sent to tell us if his friend wants us to meet. I don't know what to do since I don't know the other person well and I don't see them every day. I don't even want to message him on social media since I'm not supposed to know he likes me (my cousin told me not to pin him). 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, VasileiaM. said:

  I am 25 and he is 21. We met through a mutual friend who asked us to bring his friend to sit with us. Later his friend caught my cousin and told him if your cousin is single and if she is for serious relationship or one night stand. 

Was this the first time you met him? How are your friends and cousin involved in this? Was it supposed to be an introduction to possibly date?

Did you exchange contact information with him? Have you allowed your friends and cousin to give him your contact information? Are you interested in dating him? 

[VasileiaM.]

 It was the first time i met him. My cousin knows both of them and I know the other friend who tell us to bring his friend. I don't think is was a introduction to date. It was by chance that he told his friend to come. No, I didn't exchange contact information with him because he was shy and I think it will be awkward in front of the other two because it was the first time I met him. And he didn't ask the others for contact but I will allow the other two to give my number or social if they ask me. I am interested to know him better first and I see if I date him later.

[Batya33]

It sounds like he is not interested in being in further contact with you. I'm sorry it didn't work out.  

[Jaunty]

If a man is interested in you, he needs to approach you and ask you for your contact information or better yet, to go out. 

Forget about looking for "clues" or complicated communications through any third parties. 

[Batya33]

8 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

If a man is interested in you, he needs to approach you and ask you for your contact information or better yet, to go out. 

Forget about looking for "clues" or complicated communications through any third parties. 

I set up many people over the years and was set up.  I still set people up. I always declined "how about we all go out in a group and you'll meet him that way." No thanks.  I either gave contact info to the man or mine was given to him and we then met on our own.  I did meet men through friends but not in a set up kind of way and I knew they wanted to date me if they asked me out on a date they planned in advance. I never read into "signs"  because those signs can mean nothing or they can mean "I'm attracted" - but it doesn't mean the person wants to date you.

[Kwothe28]

If he asked if you are single and friend said he is interested, then he is interested. However, that doesnt mean much if he doesnt make a move. The ball is in his court so he can ask for number/date or whatever through socials if he wants to get to know you better and see where it leads.

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, VasileiaM. said:

Later his friend caught my cousin and told him if your cousin is single and if she is for serious relationship or one night stand.

Maybe all this guy wants is a one-night stand and since you don't, he isn't going to make a move. 

[catfeeder]

He can get your number or social if he wants it, and he can do something with that information if he wants to.

Same with you.

There's no need to get a group of people involved. That's messy kid stuff, and it doesn't work in your favor.

[VasileiaM.]

It's been 5 days so i don't think his interest was real. He could have sent a message to my cousin instead of his friend. He wanted to know what I like in a relationship, he learned that I want something serious but to know the other first and I think for this reason he hasn't say something to his friend. But this is not interest like his friend said, this is I want for one night something to have fun. They confuse the meaning I'm showing real interest to know this person not something quick for one night. False kind of words he used. He could have said to his friend that I don't want to know her more, I want something quick. I'm glad I understand his true feelings about me. I don't want a ***boy in my life who looks at me only for my body and to put me on his list! 

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, VasileiaM. said:

It's been 5 days so i don't think his interest was real. He could have sent a message to my cousin instead of his friend. He wanted to know what I like in a relationship, he learned that I want something serious but to know the other first and I think for this reason he hasn't say something to his friend. But this is not interest like his friend said, this is I want for one night something to have fun. They confuse the meaning I'm showing real interest to know this person not something quick for one night. False kind of words he used. He could have said to his friend that I don't want to know her more, I want something quick. I'm glad I understand his true feelings about me. I don't want a ***boy in my life who looks at me only for my body and to put me on his list! 

I think your expectations are way out of line. And your criticisms of him. It’s a free country. He might have been interested in flirting with you that day. Or felt attracted. He didn’t want to ask you on a date and doesn’t at this time. We know that because he has not yet asked you out on a date. Being interested doesn’t mean being interested in dating. It’s totally fine if hypothetically he only was interested in lusting after your body. It’s a free country. He didn’t treat you with disrespect he simply chose not to stay in touch with you or ask you out. Doesn’t make him a bad person. Just means he is not interested right now in dating you. Maybe in the future if you meet again he will ask you out. At that time you can choose whether ti accept his invitation.
Yes it’s that simple and no need to malign him or make up wild assumptions about his intentions. 

[Kathryn657xx]

Maybe you've dodged a bullet if you're not looking for the same thing anyway. Third parties also complicate things too. Write this one off and move on, it all seems far too intense.

 

Good luck.

[Kwothe28]

6 hours ago, VasileiaM. said:

He could have said to his friend that I don't want to know her more, I want something quick. I'm glad I understand his true feelings about me. I don't want a ***boy in my life who looks at me only for my body and to put me on his list! 

Woah Nellie! I understand you are dissapointed. But that is way overboard. OK, maybe he is not interested. Or maybe he is but he is just shy. And I do agree that you shouldnt pursue this. But there is no reason to "villify" him or anybody else in that way. As it only leads to your negative opinion and may deter you in dating further. Sure, you are maybe even right. But I would sustain from getting that kind of conclusions. About somebody you met once and had a nice talk. There is no reason to get negative that much about it.

[smackie9]

Maybe he had time to think about it and decided you were too old for him or whatever other reason. It's just part of life...can't win them all. 

[Jaunty]

All of this nonsense about what he said to whom and whatever they told you about it is not even worth paying much attention to.  

Your post is confusing with all the "he said, she said, his cousin's friend said" but as far as I can tell,  he ignored you when you left:

Quote

When I had to leave I said hello and nice to meet him and he didn't say anything back

So ... not interested, beyond whatever chitchat happened between you in the cafe.

That's okay.  There are many many fish in the sea.  But next time, leave the other people out of it.

[MissCanuck]

6 hours ago, VasileiaM. said:

False kind of words he used. He could have said to his friend that I don't want to know her more, I want something quick. I'm glad I understand his true feelings about me. I don't want a ***boy in my life who looks at me only for my body and to put me on his list!

Girl. Deep breath. 

You're getting all twisted over some guy you hardly know. Why is that? You are taking this way too personally and demonizing him when he actually has done nothing wrong. 

[VasileiaM.]

  Finally this afternoon I learned from his friend who told my cousin that he wanted a one night stand and when he learned I prefer a relationship he didn't want to meet again and to know me better(of course when the only thing he wants is sex from a woman). So, this is the reason he asked if I want relationship or one night stand. So I was right when I said he could have said he only wants sex. If I knew it from first place, I wouldn't wonder if he really was interested in me. He also told that he really liked me but only for sex and he never wants to be in a serious relationship with any woman only sex with them and leave. I don't understand how he can say that he was interested when he only knew the basics from me! I don't understand this logic of his. He never liked me if he wanted me only for sex and not something serious. He confuses the words. 

[Wiseman2]

On 10/30/2023 at 10:26 AM, VasileiaM. said:

 We met through a mutual friend who asked us to bring his friend to sit with us. Later his friend caught my cousin and  if she is for serious relationship or one night stand. 

Please reconsider this mutual "friend" if he's introducing you to guys who only want hookups.Please don't involve others in introductions or setups. It's almost insulting that this friend asked your cousin if you want one nighters.

If you would like to date serious men in your age group, consider getting a good profile and pics on quality paid relationship focused dating apps and start talking to and meeting men. 

 

 

[VasileiaM.]

46 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please reconsider this mutual "friend" if he's introducing you to guys who only want hookups.Please don't involve others in introductions or setups. It's almost insulting that this friend asked your cousin if you want one nighters.

If you would like to date serious men in your age group, consider getting a good profile and pics on quality paid relationship focused dating apps and start talking to and meeting men. 

 

  You are so right about this. It wasn't a set up. He told to bring his friend so he would have company too because I was with my cousin and he wanted to bring someone who knew better than us. This is the thing that gets me upset. How would you ask my cousin if I like one night stands and to make it sound better add that if I want relationship. His friend should have told that he only wants hook ups. I got excited because I thought he really wanted to know me when he asked me about general stuff and now I learned that he didn't want a second date because I don't want hook ups.

[Lambert]

I also took the question about what you were looking for to mean he was looking for a hook up. 

Here's a good rule to go by, when in doubt, take it as a no.

You just never know what motivates another person- sex, boredom, broken heart,  the list is endless. 

Also his behavior- asking you a bunch of questions and mirroring your behavior are signs of  some trying to manipulate the situation. not always but coupled with even asking if you want a one night stand. like who even asks that through a mutual friend? 

so creepy. like yeah let's schedule sex through a third party.  ew! 

 

[VasileiaM.]

7 minutes ago, Lambert said:

I also took the question about what you were looking for to mean he was looking for a hook up. 

Here's a good rule to go by, when in doubt, take it as a no.

You just never know what motivates another person- sex, boredom, broken heart,  the list is endless. 

Also his behavior- asking you a bunch of questions and mirroring your behavior are signs of  some trying to manipulate the situation. not always but coupled with even asking if you want a one night stand. like who even asks that through a mutual friend? 

so creepy. like yeah let's schedule sex through a third party.  ew! 

 

This is exactly what i mean when i say I don't understand his behaviour. His friend must know that he only likes hook ups. How can you tell your friend to ask me if I want relationship or one night stand(obviously he wanted the hook up question only). It's very inappropriate because the third person would know what you want and maybe tell others too. And as you said about the conversation, you are right. He wanted to ask something so if I agree with his terms to not feel him like a stranger or to make himself seem like a nice and gentle man who cares about me. Of course I wouldn't go for a hook up because I will give him what he wants. He didn't either want a second meet up when he learned I prefer a relationship. 

[Lambert]

6 minutes ago, VasileiaM. said:

This is exactly what i mean when i say I don't understand his behaviour.

What don't you understand?  the guy is flat out looking for sex and asking his friends to help him. 

You didn't go for it, so just forget it and him.  There's nothing more to it. 

[VasileiaM.]

3 minutes ago, Lambert said:

What don't you understand?  the guy is flat out looking for sex and asking his friends to help him. 

You didn't go for it, so just forget it and him.  There's nothing more to it. 

This is what I was trying to say but you said in the correct way. He puts his friends to ask a girl for sex like you said. I am glad in the coffee I was speaking with him for general stuff. I thought he was a decent man not someone who made questions just for to like him for his purpose. But he kept making weird things with his face like he is someone. This was very awkward the way he did his face and looked at me when doing it. I should have know from this but I thought it was his personality like this.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, VasileiaM. said:

  Finally this afternoon I learned from his friend who told my cousin that he wanted a one night stand and when he learned I prefer a relationship he didn't want to meet again and to know me better(of course when the only thing he wants is sex from a woman). So, this is the reason he asked if I want relationship or one night stand. So I was right when I said he could have said he only wants sex. If I knew it from first place, I wouldn't wonder if he really was interested in me. He also told that he really liked me but only for sex and he never wants to be in a serious relationship with any woman only sex with them and leave. I don't understand how he can say that he was interested when he only knew the basics from me! I don't understand this logic of his. He never liked me if he wanted me only for sex and not something serious. He confuses the words. 

Why would your friends introduce you to him then??

[VasileiaM.]

33 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Why would your friends introduce you to him then??

  My cousin have nothing to do with it. And his friend told him to join us for coffee because he wanted someone who knew better than us. All this was not planned. I don't know why he would ask these questions to my cousin, maybe he didn't know me well and thought I don't want something serious and to make his friend happy I guess for his purpose. He should have said that my friend only wants hook ups. I don't know why they would think I want a hook up. I have never flirted with his friend(the one who make the questions to my cousin) and show them I'm easy to flirt with a total stranger.