Not sure if this guy from a dating app is real or not

[rainbowsandroses]

33 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

But for people who are fine with casual dating, casual hookups, one night stands - totally workable to rely on who you see out and about.

Well you already know I am not into casual dating, hookups or one night stands since I have posted it often enough, but yet I still prefer meeting and talking to people (men and women) spontaneously while out and about.  Like I did with my current who I met spontaneously on an elevator.

Honestly, I really don't care what's it called or how others choose to date or have relationships, whether they choose to conduct their relationships solely online or whatever.

I would never say that just because one doesn't choose to date the way I choose to date, it's not "dating."  

If to them, they're "dating," I am totally cool with that, it's not my place to judge what they choose to call it or what works for them.

Also when I referred to meeting through an app as a "forced meet" I was referring to how I personally perceive it.  I did not state it as fact.  

To ME if felt forced that's all.  If you or anyone didn't or don't feel it was forced, again totally fine!

I truly don't even know what we're debating about. 🙂  Different strokes and all that, there is NO right way or wrong way to do any of this, imo.

 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Well you already know I am not into casual dating, hookups or one night stands since I have posted it often enough, but yet I still prefer meeting and talking to people (men and women) spontaneously while out and about.

Honestly, I really don't care what's it called or how others choose to dating or have relationships, whether they choose to conduct their relationships solely online or whatever.

I would never say that just because one doesn't choose to date the way I choose to date, it's not "dating."  

Also when I referred to meeting through an app as a "forced meet" I was referring to how I personally perceive it.  I did not state it as fact.  

To ME if felt forced that's all.  If you or anyone didn't or don't feel it was forced, again totally fine!

I truly don't even know what we're debating about. 🙂  Different strokes and all that, there is NO right way or wrong way to do any of this, imo.

 

I understand and you also have the luxury of meeting people out and about and randomly both because you're not in a rush to get married and if you want kids your bio clock isn't ticking.  I had that luxury as a teenager.

I feel totally comfortable if someone asks my input to say it's not dating if you haven't ever met in person, it's not dating if you're meeting up to have intercourse only, it's not dating if one of the persons is married cause married people can't date. If I'm not asked I couldn't care less if someone says they are dating their boss because the boss takes them to lunch once a week.

And the OP is looking for help about dating related to a stranger he interacted with on an app.  They are not dating.  I think it's wrong/silly to refer to certain interactions as dating just like I think it's silly to refer to someone as a spouse who is not one, or claim to be dating someone you are not dating -someone you are platonic friends with etc. I think it dilutes what dating is and that kind of dilution can get really problematic.  

No I don't think it's a free for all. And I don't think the OP should waste more time interacting with this stranger on an app and spend time instead finding people to date and meet in real life however they first come in contact.

 

[Wiseman2]

On 12/28/2023 at 11:13 PM, ShySoul said:

Find it interesting though that people jump to having to use a dating site. 

Long long before OLD people placed personal ads. Even asking for brides to come to the new country. Blind dates have been around forever as well. In the 1960s there was "computer dating". In the 1980 it was "the personals" . There's really nothing new under the sun here. The only thing new is the technology.   There is an interesting scene in a film noir called Sea of Love where 2 detectives place personal ads to investigate a serial killer. 

https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/sea-of-love-1989

[rainbowsandroses]

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I understand and you also have the luxury of meeting people out and about and randomly both because you're not in a rush to get married and if you want kids your bio clock isn't ticking. 

Batya, honestly it wouldn't matter if I were specifically looking for those things.  I have been engaged twice, married once and also became pregnant and miscarried by conducting my dating life exactly how I have explained here.

It's my nature to behave the way I behave, it's authentic, my true self.  And it has served me quite well.

Again, if that's not how you chose to date, so be and perfectly fine.  It worked for YOU and that is all that matters.

 

[Batya33]

15 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Batya, honestly it wouldn't matter if I were specifically looking for those things.  I have been engaged twice, married once and also became pregnant and miscarried by conducting my dating life exactly how I have explained here.

It's my nature to behave the way I behave, it's authentic, my true self.  And it has served me quite well.

Again, if that's not how you chose to date, so be and perfectly fine.  It worked for YOU and that is all that matters.

 

Yes that's true and I'm very sorry for your loss.  I cannot believe I was able to conceive and able to carry to term. 

 

I've never met any woman who wanted those things specifically as life goals -and really badly- who left it to chance as you do.  You're not wrong at all in your approach - and if you find that you do want those things and it becomes time sensitive more power to you if your priority is to do what you're doing now and risk having a much narrower dating pool.  I wouldn't judge that at all and nor would I give you any advice because of your belief about what is authentic to you and that meeting men randomly as you do and you have is a must for you when it comes to dating because otherwise it will feel forced and inauthentic. 

I had a number of women friends who had various musts about dating that decreased their dating opportunities a lot. Including refusing to be set up on blind dates or having ridiculously cumbersome restrictions on it.  And like I said I too got in my own way quite a bit and missed out on opportunities.

  I don't think the OP is being true to his authentic self which is why I gave the advice I did. I would never ever advise him to leave it to chance as to who he happens to run across in real life if he is truly looking for something serious.  That would be bad advice IMO unless he was still in college.

[rainbowsandroses]

37 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes that's true and I'm very sorry for your loss. 

Thanks Bat.  I appreciate that.

37 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I don't think the OP is being true to his authentic self which is why I gave the advice I did. I would never ever advise him to leave it to chance as to who he happens to run across in real life if he is truly looking for something serious.  That would be bad advice IMO unless he was still in college.

Well, my very first response on this thread was to @ShySoulnot the OP, in response to her comment that she wished things were like they were in the old days (before on line dating ever came to be).

Somehow it turned into much more, which can happen on these forums, and I don't disagree with you about what may be best for the OP. 

Stating my opinion about it now, my advice would be to mix it up.  (1) Meet and talk to people in real life when the opportunity arises (as I do), (2) attend events and meetups (which I do also when single and not dating anyone special) AND (3) meet people through a dating app or site. 

Take advantage of every avenue available to you, don't limit yourself to just one way.

In any event, whatever path you choose, I wish you the best.

 

[Batya33]

23 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Stating my opinion about it now, my advice would be to mix it up.  (1) Meet and talk to people in real life when the opportunity arises (as I do), (2) attend events and meetups (which I do also when single and not dating anyone special) AND (3) meet people through a dating app or site. 

Take advantage of every avenue available to you, don't limit yourself to just one way.

In any event, whatever path you choose, I wish you the best.

Yes I totally agree -I love the mix it up advice and particularly in this situation . and I'm sorry to go off topic too except for one thing and that is again I am sorry for your loss you just shared and off topic also of course !!!! - sorry about the loss of your brother.  May his memory be for a blessing which is typed words and I mean it -genuinely.  

[rainbowsandroses]

9 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes I totally agree -I love the mix it up advice and particularly in this situation . and I'm sorry to go off topic too except for one thing and that is again I am sorry for your loss you just shared and off topic also of course !!!! - sorry about the loss of your brother.  May his memory be for a blessing which is typed words and I mean it -genuinely.  

Aww you're gonna make me cry now. 😢

Thank you Bat.

[Jaunty]

Meanwhile ...

I wonder if the OP ever met the guy?  Was he for real?  

They posted this on October 4 and have never returned.  Should we send someone to check on them?

[ShySoul]

Well, glad an offhand comment could spur on an interesting conversation/debate. Might have to start figuring out ways to do that more.😁

Rainbows, I think we're on similar wavelengths. Though I'm actually a guy. My "old days" comments was tongue in cheek since I've always been told I act older then I am. I have no problem with people meeting online. I met the first person who there was any kind of relationship with online and met my best friend online. Like I said, my brother met his wife online. I don't have a problem if people want to do dating apps. I just recognize that there are an infinity of ways things can happen. I've seen people think they have to try all these different apps only to get fustrated. Or people assuming that everyone is all these forms of social media. And when the original poster was talking about doing a background check on the person, I just wondered if maybe people make things more complicated then it needs to be.

Just do what is right for you. Be who you are. If you don't want to try something, don't. If you do, then go for it. Eventually, it will work out.

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, ShySoul said:

And when the original poster was talking about doing a background check on the person, I just wondered if maybe people make things more complicated then it needs to be.

Sometimes a background check is needed. I found all I needed on google back then and cancelled a couple of first meets because of what I found after our phone convo.  I didn't do searches on everyone but back then we always exchanged last names and very often work or landline numbers.

[Sindy_0311]

On 1/9/2024 at 12:16 PM, Batya33 said:

Sometimes a background check is needed.

Or just call MTV's Catfish team  😄

[smackie9]

The apps are not a safe place for women....at least not anymore. It's way too easy for predators, criminals, etc to take advantage, then disappear, be untraceable. People lie about who they are, what they do, are married, in other relationships, dupe you into having to cover an expensive bill when the check comes. It's user beware.