Crush on a coworker!

[beks]

For context, I work in a paramilitary type job where dating coworkers is not allowed. I am a good looking female in my 30s (in terms of beauty I’m 8-9 out of 10 depending on the day). I’m a kind, introverted person and my work performance is average, nothing special.

the guy I like is a couple ranks above me and we work closely together. he is good at his job but has his own flaws like me. But again we work together in an official capacity and there’s definitely a power imbalance. He’s considering leaving the job soon, and I’ve hinted to him that I like him and he’s gotten the message. My gut feeling says that he’s interested but can’t show it (or doesn’t know the extent of how I feel) but again I’m not sure.
 

I am considered to be very good looking and many people in general would call me a catch. Me and him have various things in common (music and tv taste, introverted and rebellious personality) but the fact that he’s seen my mistakes at work (successes too) makes me skiddish.

how do I got about getting him to date me?

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, beks said:

 I’ve hinted to him that I like him and he’s gotten the message. how do I got about getting him to date me?

You've been rather straight forward.  You may have to wait and see if he asks you out. 

[Capricorn3]

2 hours ago, beks said:

For context, I work in a paramilitary type job where dating coworkers is not allowed.

how do I got about getting him to date me?

You don't.  You stick to the rules of your job and focus on your work.

(Side note:  I'm not sure why you have to mention several times that you're good looking and rate yourself 8-9 out of 10, as none of that has got anything to do with a crush on a coworker (imo). Why is that even relevant?)

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

You don't.  You stick to the rules of your job and focus on your work.

(Side note:  I'm not sure why you have to mention several times that you're good looking and rate yourself 8-9 out of 10, as none of that has got anything to do with a crush on a coworker (imo). Why is that even relevant?)

Agree with all and -yes get over yourself a bit as far as what you look like.  It will help you focus more on the stuff that really is relevant.

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

(Side note:  I'm not sure why you have to mention several times that you're good looking and rate yourself 8-9 out of 10, as none of that has got anything to do with a crush on a coworker (imo). Why is that even relevant?)

Vanity. Or "How can he not be interested when I am almost 10?"

Also, dont date your coworker. Its messy and its literally forbidden in your line of work. Not to mention that, if he is interested, he would at least hint at that. But he just isnt doing that. Quite possibly because its literally forbidden for him to date you and he can be fired for it.

[SooSad33]

In the end, looks have Nothing to do with it 😉 ,  It's are you compatible. So, calm down a little....

As already mentioned, do not expect anything and respectfully do NOT put him in a bad spot.  This is your Work Place!

Respect that fact and find a date elsewhere.

[Lambert]

nothing.  you are in a subordinate position and dating is not allowed. the end. 

If he leaves you can ask him out. 

 

[beks]

On 9/21/2023 at 3:31 AM, Batya33 said:

Agree with all and -yes get over yourself a bit as far as what you look like.  It will help you focus more on the stuff that really is relevant.

I think the core of why I’m saying this is because he’s better at the job then I am (hence the higher rank) so inside I’m wondering if I have something to offer him in return. 
 

But yes you are right.

[Andrina]

You say you are introverted. Does this mean you don't engage in social activities, and that's why you seek a dating opportunity in the work place? If that's the case, I recommend you get out into the world to meet single men your age. There are Meetup.com groups. You can volunteer on a day off at the zoo, museum, botanical gardens, etc. Wherever your interests lie.

Don't hide inside a small little bubble. Guys will be scared off if you have nothing going on in your leisure time except being with him and watching TV. How is your personality rebellious?