I told a girl that I have a crush on her. She liked me back then, but moved on.

[Speca2]

So basically what happened is that there was a girl from work, and i DMd her on insta and confessed to her that i had a crush. She seemed interested back then because she would ask me if im single, if i have a crush, why i get nervous around her. And outside the office what happened is that we were talking and she pulled me towards her and placed her hand on my stomach. I got super nervous and leaned away, and she placed her again on my stomach. She just stared at me and looked at me. After that she started to eat lunch with me everyday, and initiated convos. Sadly she left work back in September 2022. I never told her i liked her.

 

A few days ago i DMd her on Instagram. I wasn’t smooth at all. This is the message:

———

”Hey how are you doing? Sorry for the random DM. We were coworkers at (company name) in 2022.

I know this is a really bad timing and weird message, but I wanted to say something.

You have asked me a few times why I get nervous, and you have also asked if someone ever had a crush on a coworker during a game of Never Have I Ever at the 1st Anniversary of (company name) back in July. I did have one on you, and I still do till now. You have also asked me if I have never talked to girls, and no, I haven’t. You are right about that, which is why this text may seem awkward to read.

I have no idea about your current dating situation and this message may have been sent to you during a time where you are already dating someone, or maybe you aren’t interested in me, or maybe you won’t even read this message. But that’s fine. I just wanted to speak my mind out.”

———

 

she replied “hey (my name), im doing great, thanks. How about you? Thanks for the confession I respect that, we can be good friends i have no problem in that. Are you still working at (company name)?” She then sent me a follow request.

 

i replied “I’m doing good, ty. No i left back in march 2023. Wbu?”

 

i then realized that she blocked me.

 

my old coworker(male) called me and told me that she called him. He told me this: “she was interested in you back then, but she told me that you  messaged her after 10 months and she found that frustrating. She has a boyfriend now and she said she cant msg you.”

Now my question for the girls is if my text was creepy. I asked my male coworker and he said she didnt find it creepy, just frustrating that i told her that after 10 months and with her having a bf now.

 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Speca2 said:

my old coworker(male) called me and told me that she called him. He told me this: “she was interested in you back then, but she told me that you  messaged her after 10 months and she found that frustrating. She has a boyfriend now and she said she cant msg you.”

 

Yeah, you waited 10 months to make a move. By the time you did it she already has a boyfriend. 

Also why are you confessing to somebody you like that out of the blue? Its not creepy, but its just not smooth at all and not the move you should make on someone.

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Speca2 said:

Now my question for the girls is if my text was creepy

I wouldn't say it's creepy, but it's too much and rather awkward for a person you hadn't seen or spoken to in a while. 

In the future, test the temperature in the room a little better: say hi and make some small talk, catch up a bit , try to feel out if the woman is single. Then hint you would like to reconnect over a coffee, drink, what have you. 

In any case, if she's not single then what you wrote doesn't make much difference. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself for it. 

[Speca2]

22 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Yeah, you waited 10 months to make a move. By the time you did it she already has a boyfriend. 

Also why are you confessing to somebody you like that out of the blue? Its not creepy, but its just not smooth at all and not the move you should make on someone.

I have never texted a girl or told a girl that i like her.i just wrote what was on my mind. 

[Speca2]

2 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I wouldn't say it's creepy, but it's too much and rather awkward for a person you hadn't seen or spoken to in a while. 

In the future, test the temperature in the room a little better: say hi and make some small talk, catch up a bit , try to feel out if the woman is single. Then hint you would like to reconnect over a coffee, drink, what have you. 

In any case, if she's not single then what you wrote doesn't make much difference. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself for it. 

I see. If a guy from work sent you a msg like that, what exactly would you think?

 

i showed my text to my female friend and she said “if a guy ever texted me something like that i would think he’s depressed and feel bad for him.”

[MissCanuck]

6 minutes ago, Speca2 said:

I showed my text to my female friend and she said “if a guy ever texted me something like that i would think he’s depressed and feel bad for him.”

Assuming he is depressed is a reach. I don't know where your friend is getting that from. 

I would think his heart is in the right place but also that he is probably lacking in experience with women to come out of left field with a message like that. 

[Kwothe28]

25 minutes ago, Speca2 said:

I have never texted a girl or told a girl that i like her.i just wrote what was on my mind. 

Its one of the first lessons you learn as a teen about dating. You never tell a woman "I have a crush on you, you wanna be my girlfriend?" and stuff like that. Because

a) its cringy

b) it doesnt work

You ask for coffee, date, compliment her, touch her, even kiss her. But not tell her "You are my crush, wanna be with me" and stuff like that. 

[Speca2]

40 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Assuming he is depressed is a reach. I don't know where your friend is getting that from. 

I would think his heart is in the right place but also that he is probably lacking in experience with women to come out of left field with a message like that. 

Sorry, wdym by “heart is in the right place”?

[Speca2]

11 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Its one of the first lessons you learn as a teen about dating. You never tell a woman "I have a crush on you, you wanna be my girlfriend?" and stuff like that. Because

a) its cringy

b) it doesnt work

You ask for coffee, date, compliment her, touch her, even kiss her. But not tell her "You are my crush, wanna be with me" and stuff like that. 

I have never ever dated. I should have included that I’m 25M, the girl is 21F. I dont have experience, but she does, assuming from her interactions at work.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Speca2 said:

Thanks for the confession I respect that, we can be good friends i have no problem in that. Are you still working at (company name)?”   I then realized that she blocked me.

Why not try dating apps or other ways to meet women? Please don't message women and tell them you have a crush.  Whether on apps or in person, the best way to show interest is to simply ask them to get lunch, coffee, a drink, whatever. Also it's the best way to see if they're interested and single.  Is this the same coworker?:

 

[Speca2]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why not try dating apps or other ways to meet women? Please don't message women and tell them you have a crush.  Whether on apps or in person, the best way to show interest is to simply ask them to get lunch, coffee, a drink, whatever. Also it's the best way to see if they're interested and single.  Is this the same coworker?:

 

Im gonna be honest i had no idea what to say in the dm. I first wrote the message in the Notes app on ios. Then i reread it a few times. Then i spent 5 minutes hovering my thumb over the Send button in instagram. My legs were shaking, no joke.

I’m just feeling sad that i was “too late” you know. In the sense that she was interested back then but now has a bf.

 

and yea it’s the same coworker.

[Speca2]

13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why not try dating apps or other ways to meet women?

i dont believe that meeting someone from dating apps is a good idea unless you are very good looking. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Speca2 said:

I have never texted a girl or told a girl that i like her.i just wrote what was on my mind. 

Yes- write what is on your mind and save it for yourself so you don't overshare/contact someone too awkwardly.  At least save what you wrote for at least a day or two before sending.  And if you want to talk with someone about potentially dating you then message the person and ask for her phone number -that you'd like to catch up -and if the phone call goes well ask her out on a date you plan in advance rather than sharing feelings with a near stranger/former coworker. 

When my future husband wanted to reconnect with me after years of being in little contact (we were coworkers who dated and got engaged years earlier then broke up), he called, and simply asked if I'd like to meet for lunch to catch up and told me when he would be in town again.  In that case I know he didn't know at all whether he was interested in me "that way" - I didn't know either -but it wasn't awkward -it was just him wanting to catch up in person. 

No big emotional verbage - so if I'd said no, no biggie and I wasn't put off at all by his request.  What is someone after all that time supposed to do with a former co-worker spilling all that stuff in a typed message?

[Speca2]

58 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes- write what is on your mind and save it for yourself so you don't overshare/contact someone too awkwardly.  At least save what you wrote for at least a day or two before sending.  And if you want to talk with someone about potentially dating you then message the person and ask for her phone number -that you'd like to catch up -and if the phone call goes well ask her out on a date you plan in advance rather than sharing feelings with a near stranger/former coworker. 

When my future husband wanted to reconnect with me after years of being in little contact (we were coworkers who dated and got engaged years earlier then broke up), he called, and simply asked if I'd like to meet for lunch to catch up and told me when he would be in town again.  In that case I know he didn't know at all whether he was interested in me "that way" - I didn't know either -but it wasn't awkward -it was just him wanting to catch up in person. 

No big emotional verbage - so if I'd said no, no biggie and I wasn't put off at all by his request.  What is someone after all that time supposed to do with a former co-worker spilling all that stuff in a typed message?

I dont know what is wrong with me. But the thing is that whenever i like a girl i get awkward and nervous. Then i overthink.

 

i have overshared like you said but what i regret is not telling her this earlier on when she was available.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Speca2 said:

 Send button in instagram. My legs were shaking, no joke.

I’m just feeling sad that i was “too late” you know. 

It's not about "too late", it's about social anxiety and social skills. You're telling yourself it's too late but the problem is sending these types of messages to women randomly.

It's never a good idea to blurt out you have a crush because it's creepy. If you are interested in someone you have to smile, be approachable, friendly, say hi, have some small talk and ask them out. 

You can see a qualified therapist for the social anxiety. 

[Speca2]

59 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's not about "too late", it's about social anxiety and social skills. You're telling yourself it's too late but the problem is sending these types of messages to women randomly.

It's never a good idea to blurt out you have a crush because it's creepy. If you are interested in someone you have to smile, be approachable, friendly, say hi, have some small talk and ask them out. 

You can see a qualified therapist for the social anxiety. 

Okay i see,ty.

 

But it’s hard to do that. I think to myself “no way she will like me” If i like a girl.

[spinstermanquee]

4 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

I would think his heart is in the right place but also that he is probably lacking in experience with women to come out of left field with a message like that. 

^^ I think this is spot on. 

Here are some old timey platitudes for you, Speca2, from an old timer 😉

It is great she left such a great impression on you, and that you learned something from this (strike while the iron is hot).  Next time you like a girl woman (sorry, outdated me) I'm sure you will let her know sooner (he who hesitates is lost).  You'll also be more upfront (fortune favors the bold).

On another note, not sure where you received the message "no way she will like me" but that's what I would start with if you have the wherewithal to find and work with a good therapist.  This single mantra you repeat to yourself (translated:  "I'm not worthy") will do more damage in ALL areas of your life, not just with girls women.  Somehow the real you, the good you, the worthy you, has be coaxed outside to play in the world.  He is in there, I guarantee you!!!  WM2 referenced social anxiety, which seems worth looking into.

If you cannot afford therapy and do not have insurance, you might be able to find someone that would work with you according to your income.  Also please don't overlook eating good food, exercising, self help books and research, and getting fresh air and family/friend time.  Those are always good supporting players for a better outlook.

Good luck Speca2 🙂

[smackie9]

Ok it it was what it was. No use in crying over spilt milk. The only thing you can take away from this is a life lesson. Stop being like that and just man up. Ask for a date. No matter the results, the sun still rises and sets, no one dies. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Speca2 said:

 it’s hard to do that. I think to myself “no way she will like me” If i like a girl.

That's why you act friendly, smile say hi, introduce yourself and make small talk. To get a sense of things. But please don't send messages like this to women. It's ok to be shy and ease into situations, but it's not ok to be creepy and send random stuff like this.

[Speca2]

2 hours ago, spinstermanquee said:

^^ I think this is spot on. 

Here are some old timey platitudes for you, Speca2, from an old timer 😉

It is great she left such a great impression on you, and that you learned something from this (strike while the iron is hot).  Next time you like a girl woman (sorry, outdated me) I'm sure you will let her know sooner (he who hesitates is lost).  You'll also be more upfront (fortune favors the bold).

On another note, not sure where you received the message "no way she will like me" but that's what I would start with if you have the wherewithal to find and work with a good therapist.  This single mantra you repeat to yourself (translated:  "I'm not worthy") will do more damage in ALL areas of your life, not just with girls women.  Somehow the real you, the good you, the worthy you, has be coaxed outside to play in the world.  He is in there, I guarantee you!!!  WM2 referenced social anxiety, which seems worth looking into.

If you cannot afford therapy and do not have insurance, you might be able to find someone that would work with you according to your income.  Also please don't overlook eating good food, exercising, self help books and research, and getting fresh air and family/friend time.  Those are always good supporting players for a better outlook.

Good luck Speca2 🙂

Thanks for the advice. Tbh while i do think therapy is a good start i can’t see myself going there.

 

 

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's why you act friendly, smile say hi, introduce yourself and make small talk. To get a sense of things. But please don't send messages like this to women. It's ok to be shy and ease into situations, but it's not ok to be creepy and send random stuff like this.

Being creepy wasnt my intention.i have asked more people irl and they told it wasn’t creepy, just very overwhelming.

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, Speca2 said:

Sorry, wdym by “heart is in the right place”?

That you seem like a decent guy with good intentions. 

[Speca2]

12 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

That you seem like a decent guy with good intentions. 

Oh,ty