This Man flew me to his country only to Gaslight me!? WHY

[electricorchid]

I've been dating a man who lives in Italy for the past 3 months, long distance. We met where I live in Miami (in person) & after following eachother on instagram for two years, we started talking via whatsapp in April. Once we did, we honestly couldn't stop, I've never felt more connected to a person in my whole life and we spoke every single day since... we had SO many common interests, common future aspirations, & goals etc. so many things felt aligned and right. After realizing how strong our intellectual and emotional connection was, he decided all on his own to fly to go on a first date with me and we then spent 4 beautiful days together in my city in which we got to know eachother and explored Miami together. We had many deep conversations, and could talk for hours on end. On the last day, he invited me to go fly to his city in italy and go to a concert together. I could tell it was genuine and he was so excited about us and our connection. Our kisses also felt electric, like a drug. We were hooked.

When we kissed for the last time he whispered in my ear "Why does this feel so right?" and I agreed and said "I feel the same way." When we said goodbye, things got hot and heavy but I decided not to sleep with him bc I really didn't want to ruin what seemed like such a genuine and emotional connection, and he agreed. We held off and he reassured me so many times he wanted to see me again. However, as I was getting to know him he told me he broke up with his ex of 1.5yrs very recently (this february) and this concerned me. Our last dinner even, he asked me if I had any reservations about him and I told him I was concerned that he broke up with his ex too recently, that I liked him and all but that I didn't think it was enough time to process his feelings. I have a rule that I DO NOT date men who just went through a breakup BUT I broke my rule for him, only because he re-assured me he was the one who broke up with her, and that secondly he said he was over her, not just once but multiple times in multiple conversations. 

We facetimed almost every other day/texted every single day for the month in between before my flight to see him, but then we had a phone call where he told me very straightforwardly he "wasn't ready for a relationship" in which I responded, "well then, what are we doing here? because I date with the intention to potentially be in a relationship? I don't date just to date..." And he used the excuse that we had only spent 4 days in person together and that, that wasn't enough time to gauge a relationship, that he was waiting to see how we did when we spent more time together in person and I said fair enough, it made perfect sense to me logistically but... then it also concerned me a lot because if he felt so sure about me from booking my flight to go see him, then I was just confused why there seemed to be hesitant. When I shared with my closest friends, they were all convinced he was going to ask me out officially at the end of my trip. & We communicated everyday like we where already in a relationship already. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him in that it would potentially happen when we eventually spent more time together. 

Fast forward to the big day, I fly to Italy to see him.. He is the best host, he picks me up from the airport, he helped me with my bags, showed me around his apartment and took off work to spend the weekend/week with me. We had insane chemistry, and the s** felt out of this world. He was also so hooked, that we honestly would do it a few times a day for the first 4 days I was there. We then decided to take a roadtrip to another town outside of his city, and spend the night there (it's a very boujie and famous town in italy, extremely romantic, was his idea and all) and It was one of the most extravagant and most beautiful gestures a man I think has ever done for me in my whole life. I figured, since it was all so romantic and I knew it cost him a decent fortune, then he must think I'm really special and he must like me, I went into the situation very confident. He also asked me twice "what are your favorite flowers?" once in miami and once on this trip and so.. here I was so certain it was going to happen. 

We have a magical first day at the hotel/beach side... and then that night things took a turn for the worst. I noticed he started talking about his ex too much... and I brought it up only because I wanted to once again (patiently) check in on him, to see if he was over it/where this was headed, as soon as I saw the look of frustration on his face i changed the subject, apologized for bringing it up but then also told him I just only wanted to be sure bc for own sake I wanted to make sure we were okay and we were headed down a good path to potentially be in a relationship. Things got very awkward at dinner, then we came back to the hotel, had s**, and WHILE this man is basically f***** me, he says "I'm utterly obsessed with you, there is NO doubt in my mind I want you to be my girlfriend and I want this each and everyday (meaning the sex) and I think I fell even harder for him in that moment bc after the awkwardness I just wasn't sure what he felt for me, and then he validated and made me feel re-assured all over again.

Post all of this, he then tells me he wants to share something with me that's been bothering him: that I haven't offered to pay not one bill. When I tell you, the places this man was taking me too were NOT cheap and were all booked by HIM, I was SUPER confused. I got him $110 candles from his favorite parfumery brand for his apartment as a thankyou gift for being his guest and offered to do a round of groceries and told him very straightforwardly if he prefered if I paid it before of after our weekend trip since I knew I was staying at him place for a while... so when he shared this with me I was in utter disbelief. I told him that I usually start offering 50/50 only until I'm in a relationship with someone (he's 30, making 4 times what I make and I'm 28). He made me cry, and then he apologized and said that wasn't his intention but that he was surprised I didn't do the *fake card pull*, and that maybe it's a cultural difference... in which I replied to him "It's because I'm not fake.. I will always offer what I can afford to pay/and show my gratitude in other ways" But that I would keep in mind what he said to me and try to pitch in more. But I was so hurt, and never saw this coming. I was always polite and said thankyou to him after every single meal too. 

The next day he's acting weird , quiet and a bit reserved... We then go down to checkout of the hotel but then to use the beach and he tells me he doesn't want to go to the concert anymore on thursday (His parents would be there btw) and when I asked him why, he said that he thinks that it'll remind him of his ex and that he absolutely does not want to go bc they were originally a gift for her and that he feels wrong in regifting them to me. I was calm, cool and collected but all of a sudden got very quiet and I told him I didn't agree that this was fair, but that I respected him decision.. that although I didn't understand him at all for this that we wouldn't go if it made him feel uncomfortable. Things then got even more awkward on the drive back... and my silence killed him. I was butt-hurt bc here I thought I was with a guy who re-assured me for 2 mo almost that he was over it and he wasn't. 

He started apologizing.. in that he just really didn't want to go and that why wasn't I talking to him, and i said "Bc you hurt my feelings" and he said "What feelings?" I was once again, in disbelief.. i couldnt believe i had to explain to him that after all this time, hes my crush and for him to admit that he was still thinking about his ex was a hard pill to swallow, even though I got completely crushed and disinvited from the concert, it was more the fact that i could tell his true colors came out and he was an emotional mess. He was that he felt overwhelmed and didn't know that this was going to happen, that he felt like sh*t and that although he had new feelings for me, he also had unresolved feelings for his EX and the combination was *overwhelming* 

Fast forward, we couldn't recover from this, when we came back to his apt we tried and tried and I tried to turn the page but I could tell at this point he was just uncomfortable in his own bed/home sleeping next to me. He offered to pay my flight back early and I said No, (bc truth be told I had friends there and I had so much fun the rest of my trip) so I packed my things on my own and got my own airbnb. That threw him off even more... he didn't expect for me to pick myself up and go elsewhere. He apologized for everything, hugged me kissed me on the cheek and asked me if we could still hangout and that left me even more confused to which I replied to him, "no, i hope you heal and think it's best you take your time to heal before furthering to hurt me" He looked like an absolute mess. His eyes were red. 

 On my last day, I sent him the most heartfelt message that although I was still hurt, and heartbroken that I was thinking of him and hoping that he truly heals and reflects on both his past and present and decides what's best and or what he want's in life. That I wanted him to be happy and that I felt like we met from a sign of god.. only because of how "right" things felt in the beginning and that maybe this was just "bad timing" 

He wrote me back the most dry, gaslighting message I've ever received in my whole life that left me wondering if any of this was ever real. He said "I'm sorry for how you felt and how we left things.. the truth is I've thought about my ex every day and I was trying to squash those feelings but I really couldn't" "I think although we had a great time, I don't think it warrants months or anything deeper than what it was" "I really didn't mean to create something in your eyes that was more than what it is" then he proceeds to say "I was just taking things at my pace, I want you to know that I know you will find the right person in life and you deserve all the love and care possible" he wished me the best, and in that message I realized that what this man said to me while having s**, when he corrected me one time.... when i told him a phrase like "if we're in a relationship" he would say things like "Not IF, when 🙂 " was all maybe a freaking lie......

 

Conclusion: I do NOT know how to cope, with someone who just gaslight all our connection, feelings and time spent together... has any one ever dealt with someone like this that makes you question all your reality? I have hundreds of texts from him (although he was he wasnt ready to be in a relationship with someone he only spend 4 physical days with intially) of him planning MULTIPLE trips, to nyc, and all over the world...... WHY would someone do this? I'm left feelings like an absolute idiot for thinking this man was my soulmate, when really he seems to be a narcissist. 

What do I do? & Do people like this ever come back?

 

 

 

 

[MissCanuck]

28 minutes ago, electricorchid said:

Do people like this ever come back?

No, not in the way you're hoping. 

This was doomed from the start. You two had some fun and great adventures, but the practical reality doesn't hold up. You live too far apart, didn't know each other well enough, and he's not over his ex. Thinking he was your soulmate was a romantic notion, but it was a fantasy. 

I don't mean to minimize your feelings. I get why this hurts a lot. However, it seems you lost perspective along the way too, and got swept up in the whirlwind. It's going to be best to cut all ties with him.

For what it's worth, I live in Italy and have lived here a long time now. I have had relationships with Italian men. None of this is cultural. It's just him being kind of a wanker. 

 

[Kwothe28]

So you are from Miami? And he is a rich hot guy from Italy? And you didnt think that you are just another Miami woman that felt to classic blunder of "we flew a woman over to exotic destination, have sex for a few days and say goodbye"? 

From what Ive heard its a very common thing in Miami. Men like him fly over, meet some local pretty women, flash their fortune a bit and maybe fly them over if they want sex. I mean sure, you can "cope" that there was something more, but at the end he even told you it was just sex. You need to be more careful about those cases. Especially in Miami.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. It seems like a misunderstanding. He was just a vacation fling but you were hoping for a romance. It's questionable whether that was his "ex" or not. 

Overall you had a great free vacation and great sex. So there was no "gaslighting", just a holiday fling that went sideways at the end because you were hoping for more.

Just look back at it as a fun free holiday fling. Now that you're back home, you can still date and find local available men you could have viable relationships with.

[Andrina]

LDRs that start that way have a very high risk of failure. Too little time together too much of the time. Too much time together all at once when you do get together. Not the normal pace of dating. Way too expensive as well. Locally, dating during the same amount of time, you would have spent very little money on an iffy thing. In your case, hundreds and thousands of dollars were spent. That sort of dating will have one going broke very quickly. 

With cyber connectivity, the world seems a lot smaller and LDRs seems so very doable, but it's all fantasy. Even if things work out, one person eventually has to be ripped from their career, family, friends and in doing so, new stress upon the relationship can ensue.

I'd stick to local dating. It's what I did after my first marriage ended and I was eventually successful in finding my forever person. Good luck.

[Batya33]

The others wrote exactly my impression of what you wrote. Your title sort of skirts the real issues here. The reasons this did not progress past a fun fling. Those reasons were articulated perfectly by the previous posters.  I agree. I’m sorry you’re disappointed and I hope partly you have good memories of the fun and excitement!!

[SooSad33]

13 hours ago, electricorchid said:

He wrote me back the most dry, gaslighting message I've ever received in my whole life that left me wondering if any of this was ever real. He said "I'm sorry for how you felt and how we left things.. the truth is I've thought about my ex every day and I was trying to squash those feelings but I really couldn't" "I think although we had a great time, I don't think it warrants months or anything deeper than what it was" "I really didn't mean to create something in your eyes that was more than what it is" then he proceeds to say "I was just taking things at my pace, I want you to know that I know you will find the right person in life and you deserve all the love and care possible" he wished me the best, and in that message I realized that what this man said to me while having s**, when he corrected me one time.... when i told him a phrase like "if we're in a relationship" he would say things like "Not IF, when 🙂 " was all maybe a freaking lie......

 

Conclusion: I do NOT know how to cope, with someone who just gaslight all our connection, feelings and time spent together... has any one ever dealt with someone like this that makes you question all your reality? I have hundreds of texts from him (although he was he wasnt ready to be in a relationship with someone he only spend 4 physical days with intially) of him planning MULTIPLE trips, to nyc, and all over the world...... WHY would someone do this? I'm left feelings like an absolute idiot for thinking this man was my soulmate, when really he seems to be a narcissist. 

Well, by sounds of it you were his rebound .. and yeah, they hurt 😕 .

In the end you both get hurt as he's still reeling about his last relationship and then gets into another way too quickly, when clearly he is NOT ready to yet.  So he love bombs you until he can't do the lie anymore.  Yup, real low - and portrays his feelings for his ex onto you.  

So none of it is natural.  he faked it as long as he could.  Loser 😕 .

 

Once you get over all of this, you will answer your own question:

13 hours ago, electricorchid said:

What do I do? & Do people like this ever come back?

You do nothing now.  You work through your emotions and soon enough, you will realize you do NOT want him back!

 

[smackie9]

Like a lot of people when fresh out of a relationship, they are so determined to move on they do whatever it takes to convince themselves they can. IMO that's what he did. BUT after sometime he realized it wasn't working, things start to fall apart, and he comes clean with it. I don't think he just woke up one morning and said to himself that he was going to bamboozle you into a rebound relationship. It's a confusing time for him. You didn't listen to your common sense, and jumped right in, which in all the excitement of it all what women wouldn't have. I wouldn't be too butt hurt about it because you knew it was a risk. And I would say you definitely had a god time, it was a fun experience so not all was lost.

[electricorchid]

14 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. It seems like a misunderstanding. He was just a vacation fling but you were hoping for a romance. It's questionable whether that was his "ex" or not. 

Overall you had a great free vacation and great sex. So there was no "gaslighting", just a holiday fling that went sideways at the end because you were hoping for more.

Just look back at it as a fun free holiday fling. Now that you're back home, you can still date and find local available men you could have viable relationships with.

How was this a misunderstanding when this man had the audacity to whisper in my ear while we were f****** that I was going to be his gf very soon? I'm sorry but I completely disagree, he facetimed me multiple times a week and texted me every single day. No "Fling" or "Hookup" has put in this much effort into just that, my question is why the hell couldn't he have done this locally with someone, He's a jerk and he absolutely gaslight me. I don't know why you seem to be on his side.

[electricorchid]

6 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Well, by sounds of it you were his rebound .. and yeah, they hurt 😕 .

In the end you both get hurt as he's still reeling about his last relationship and then gets into another way too quickly, when clearly he is NOT ready to yet.  So he love bombs you until he can't do the lie anymore.  Yup, real low - and portrays his feelings for his ex onto you.  

So none of it is natural.  he faked it as long as he could.  Loser 😕 .

 

Once you get over all of this, you will answer your own question:

You do nothing now.  You work through your emotions and soon enough, you will realize you do NOT want him back!

 

Thankyou so much, Yes.. it sounds like once I take a look back at all of this, he love bombed me like I've never been love bombed before. It's absolutely not fair he asked me so many times what my favorite flowers were said very sensitive things about me being his gf soon when he didn't mean any of it. 

 

But you're right, he faked it. I just really don't know what kindof attention I should be looking for anymore in a genuine man. I've never felt more confused which was a reason why I wrote this post, I'm seeking ideas on how to cope with this bc I don't know if my reality was even my reality anymore. He's a liar.

[electricorchid]

3 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Like a lot of people when fresh out of a relationship, they are so determined to move on they do whatever it takes to convince themselves they can. IMO that's what he did. BUT after sometime he realized it wasn't working, things start to fall apart, and he comes clean with it. I don't think he just woke up one morning and said to himself that he was going to bamboozle you into a rebound relationship. It's a confusing time for him. You didn't listen to your common sense, and jumped right in, which in all the excitement of it all what women wouldn't have. I wouldn't be too butt hurt about it because you knew it was a risk. And I would say you definitely had a god time, it was a fun experience so not all was lost.

This short and sweet answer seems to be easier said than done, I wish it were that easy but after he said so many things to me to hype me up and make things seem like they were headed to something that wasn't so it's not that hard not to be "butt hurt: about it. 

[rainbowsandroses]

First off, that was one hell of a story; I'm sorry it turned out the way it  did.    

Secondly, I honestly don't think he was faking anything.  Not intentionally anyway. 

I think he was very attracted to you and fantasizing about a life with you, until the reality of the situation hit and thus he realized he is not yet over his ex. 

The gaslighting - what some people do after they realize they led someone on the way he led you on, is attempt to "flip the script" and place blame on the person being dumped to alleviate their own guilt for leading them on and dumping.

It's completely unfair, disingenuous and literally crazy-making for the dumpee. 

He knows exactly what he did, the lovebombing, the future faking, it was a total deception all based on a fantasy which he needed at the time to help him deal with the loss of his ex. 

Try to not take his words too personally, or at least try to understand where they came from - an attempt to make this your fault so HE won't feel so guilty and be the "bad guy."

Which many men simply can't handle so they toss the blame on to the women.

I suppose women do this too, this behavior isn't gender specific. 

Again I'm sorry.  Time heals. 

 

 

 

[SooSad33]

6 hours ago, electricorchid said:

But you're right, he faked it. I just really don't know what kind of attention I should be looking for anymore in a genuine man. I've never felt more confused which was a reason why I wrote this post, I'm seeking ideas on how to cope with this bc I don't know if my reality was even my reality anymore. He's a liar.

I guess it's like a reality check?

Having such stuff happen with someone you've known only in a time span of 3 months IS a little over the top.

I recall someone mentioning once about how you'll really come to know someone when you vacation with them.

I have never gone away with anyone with only knowing them such a short time.  You can chalk this up as an experience, eh! 😕 .  Tough lesson. ( I dated a guy 5 years and we never did any real trips drive or flying for at least 2 years in).

So, with this, you now know to not take off to someone's other location this fast!  Instead tread carefully and ease into it all.

And, if they're recently out of a relationship, again, consider not even going there.  When someone's still 'emotionally invested' in an ex, they have 'nothing to give'.  Not until they are truly over their last relationship.

Another thing to consider is guys are always up for the physical part. Us gals, can get emotionally invested much faster than they will.  

So, of course you're quite hurt with all of that, but it won't last.  Things will calm down inside, in time.  And you're guard will be done. Because of course, not every guy is like this.  They're all different.

I find a good way to 'vent it out' is by journaling.  I either write it out on paper - like Im telling them off or put it on my wordpad on my PC.  Every time you 'have something to say', do it there.  I find it does help 😉 .

So ... deep breathes and take some down time.  Do stuff for YOU now.  Get out there & hang with friends, binge watch a fave show, do some crafts, etc.  

He led you on and it was wrong.  You both learned from this.  But it'll be okay again soon enough.  Like I said, we live, we learn.  Stuff happens.

 

 

[Batya33]

Agree with this. Please own your part in this - because you had eyes wide open and if you want to be someone's girlfriend and you get attached through sex, wait longer to have sex and definitely be serious and exclusive before having sex.  I don't think men or women "love bomb" more -it's an individual who either does it intentionally where they know the other person is fragile/vulnerable and/or they get overexcited but then the feet don't match the lips- the actions don't match the words.  

I am not victim blaming -I'm talking about deciding to forge ahead and go visit him despite all the waving red flags and own that you had lots of fun and excitement and great sex.  

A person who wants another person to know that they are that special to them that they want to exclusively date and be committed to them might -certainly -blurt it out during sex- obviously but that person will want to make it totally clear and have at least a brief talk about it when they're not naked and in the throes because when you're with a special person you don't want that person to misinterpret or not have it direct what your intentions are.  With rare exception. 

And I don't think there was an exception because if he realized he'd led you to believe he wasn't over his ex/wasn't ready and this was a huge mistake I mean - he'd double down on making sure you knew that -right?

[Wiseman2]

On 7/8/2023 at 1:08 AM, electricorchid said:

   we had a phone call where he told me very straightforwardly he "wasn't ready for a relationship"  

Have you heard from him since the trip? Agree he doesn't seem like a sincere type of man.

[itsallgrand]

Why would he do this? Hot sex, excitement, ego boost. 

All told, you walked out of there pretty alright. You didn't really know him and you were staying at his place alone, it could have gone a lot worse.

I understand it's disappointing and stings, but you took a bit of a risky gamble.. it's not realistic to expect every roll of the dice would come out how you want. 

 

 

 

[electricorchid]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Agree with this. Please own your part in this - because you had eyes wide open and if you want to be someone's girlfriend and you get attached through sex, wait longer to have sex and definitely be serious and exclusive before having sex.  I don't think men or women "love bomb" more -it's an individual who either does it intentionally where they know the other person is fragile/vulnerable and/or they get overexcited but then the feet don't match the lips- the actions don't match the words.  

I am not victim blaming -I'm talking about deciding to forge ahead and go visit him despite all the waving red flags and own that you had lots of fun and excitement and great sex.  

I totally take responsibility in that I took a risk, I'm too much of a hopeless romantic and find myself in situations where I think every opportunity that I'm overly excited about is worth the risk and it's not. I knew what he said to me, but there were other conversations I had with him.. MULTIPLE in which he was planning for the future, we were discussing dates for when he would come to miami nxt etc. ( to me again) so I typically am like this, I wait a long while before hooking up with someone but since this was long distance theres a lot of time in between that's not physical in which you have to wait, which makes things even harder...... 

[electricorchid]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you heard from him since the trip? Agree he doesn't seem like a sincere type of man.

He's been watching and keeping an eye on me on all social media platforms, especially instagram stories but no contact. I called him selfish and blocked him on whatsapp. 

[Batya33]

32 minutes ago, electricorchid said:

He's been watching and keeping an eye on me on all social media platforms, especially instagram stories but no contact. I called him selfish and blocked him on whatsapp. 

Sure - I mean I wouldn't have vented to him -why bother? I also agree with Itsallgrand that you are so so lucky you had this thrilling adventure and it was safe despite all the risks of meeting up in that sort of situation and staying in his home, etc.

[Batya33]

35 minutes ago, electricorchid said:

, I'm too much of a hopeless romantic and find myself in situations where I think every opportunity that I'm overly excited about is worth the risk and it's not

Please be careful -you didn't find yourself -you made a choice.  It's really fun to be a hopeless romantic and enjoy great sex and hot men and awesome chemistry and adventures - but you didn't find yourself -you chose every step of this and please don't give yourself a pass for the sole reason of your physical safety.

[electricorchid]

13 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

First off, that was one hell of a story; I'm sorry it turned out the way it  did.    

Secondly, I honestly don't think he was faking anything.  Not intentionally anyway. 

I think he was very attracted to you and fantasizing about a life with you, until the reality of the situation hit and thus he realized he is not yet over his ex. 

The gaslighting - what some people do after they realize they led someone on the way he led you on, is attempt to "flip the script" and place blame on the person being dumped to alleviate their own guilt for leading them on and dumping.

It's completely unfair, disingenuous and literally crazy-making for the dumpee. 

He knows exactly what he did, the lovebombing, the future faking, it was a total deception all based on a fantasy which he needed at the time to help him deal with the loss of his ex. 

Try to not take his words too personally, or at least try to understand where they came from - an attempt to make this your fault so HE won't feel so guilty and be the "bad guy."

Which many men simply can't handle so they toss the blame on to the women.

I suppose women do this too, this behavior isn't gender specific. 

Again I'm sorry.  Time heals. 

 

 

 

This Answer/Observation makes the most sense to me, so thankyou. I appreciate your empathy and words, I will truly try not to take this personally... it's just very difficult. Words have a lot of meaning for me and he particularly impulsively said a lot of things to hype us/me up. He absolutely tossed the blame on me, and avoided all responsibility. 

[electricorchid]

14 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Please be careful -you didn't find yourself -you made a choice.  It's really fun to be a hopeless romantic and enjoy great sex and hot men and awesome chemistry and adventures - but you didn't find yourself -you chose every step of this and please don't give yourself a pass for the sole reason of your physical safety.

I'm not giving myself a pass at all, I'm not sure why you're continually reminding me I made a choice, when I know I did. And one that put myself in a position of vulnerability. Please also try to understand I don't write this posts to excuse my decisions in this, but to truly seek help in what to do next and your responses isn't giving guidance or care at all into that

[Batya33]

7 minutes ago, electricorchid said:

I'm not giving myself a pass at all, I'm not sure why you're continually reminding me I made a choice, when I know I did. And one that put myself in a position of vulnerability. Please also try to understand I don't write this posts to excuse my decisions in this, but to truly seek help in what to do next and your responses isn't giving guidance or care at all into that

You said you found yourself in the situation and that it's because you get too excited.  That to me is not acknowledging you chose it.  You didn't passively find yourself in this situation.  That mindset can result in you being in extremely dangerous situations.  

What I think you should do next is what I wrote- my guidance is -enjoy the memories of the fun and excitement and great sex and watch the feet not the lips and don't choose to react to being a hopeless romantic with these sorts of choices.  That is what I think you should do next.  And I wrote that -but I get that that is not what you want to hear necessarily. 

[Batya33]

13 minutes ago, electricorchid said:

This Answer/Observation makes the most sense to me, so thankyou. I appreciate your empathy and words, I will truly try not to take this personally... it's just very difficult. Words have a lot of meaning for me and he particularly impulsively said a lot of things to hype us/me up. He absolutely tossed the blame on me, and avoided all responsibility. 

I would watch the feet not the lips in all of these situations. I wrote above I am sorry you're disappointed. If Idid not I sure meant to!!

[itsallgrand]

I would avoid trying to figure out where his head has been at. You can't really know. You just know he behaved like a player, and the warning signs were there. The laying it on thick, splashing cash, that's part of it. If a guy is really into you, and stable and looking for something serious, he's not going to be doing that. He will treat you like an equal rather than some princess to be wooed.