How to help my friend please advise?

[RILEY1982]

My friend who is 2 years older than me (42) had to move back home recently as he couldn’t afford his place anymore with the cost of living and his job is not very well paid. His mother is taking him for a mini break. 
But he is embarrassed (He told me) he is really depressed. I’ve offered him to move in with me but he replies he can’t afford to I’ve offered him free he said no then I said just pay a little bit then.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, RILEY1982 said:

. His mother is taking him for a mini break. I’ve offered him to move in with me but he replies he can’t afford to I’ve offered him free he said no.

It's nice you're trying to help a friend, but moving into your place is not the answer. He has a place to live.

He can also go to social services for assistance with low-cost housing options, food stamps, cash assistance, career training assistance and support as well as assistance with finding better employment.

Don't ruin a friendship by things going sideways if he becomes your tenant/houseguest.

Keep in mind you need to check the laws in your area as far as how long he's there before the place is his legal residence. In that case, you would have to formally evict him, if he doesn't voluntarily move out.

Be a friend in other ways, but not at your own expense.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's nice you're trying to help a friend, but moving into your place is not the answer. He has a place to live.

He can also go to social services for assistance with low-cost housing options, food stamps, cash assistance, career training assistance and support as well as assistance with finding better employment.

Don't ruin a friendship by things going sideways if he becomes your tenant/houseguest.

Keep in mind you need to check the laws in your area as far as how long he's there before the place is his legal residence. In that case, you would have to formally evict him, if he doesn't voluntarily move out.

Be a friend in other ways, but not at your own expense.

Completely agree with this. Moving in is a terrible idea.

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, RILEY1982 said:

I’ve offered him to move in with me but he replies he can’t afford to I’ve offered him free he said no then I said just pay a little bit then.

He's trying to kindly tell you he doesn't want to move in with you. 

You would be best to listen to him and let it be. 

[RILEY1982]

I just wanted to try to help him as he told me he is embarrassed. I have been i his position when I was 36 and it was hard mentally as people gossip say horrible things/make snide comments. 

[OkieDokie]

Sounds a nice thing to do BUT...

From a UK perspective you may lose your single occupancy council tax discount, discount on water bills. It may also affect your insurance. 

How will it feel if he cannot provide any financial aid? While using your electric, gas etc. How about if he is messy, leaving toe nail clippings in the bath. Agreeing to him staying a few months could turn into years. Be careful 

[RILEY1982]

Yes you are all right. I just wanted to be a mate and help as I’ve been in that position.

[Andrina]

Many people I know who have been roomies with friends end up enemies. Very hard to be on the same page on every single thing, with all that involves co-habiting.

So he'll be embarrassed. People generally experience many trials in life. Just continue giving him your pleasant company in friendship. 

[Cherylyn]

I agree with others.  Enforce healthy boundaries.  If your friend moves in with you,  the friendship gets too personal meaning the friendship will be different from socializing publicly to living together which will grate on both of each others nerves.  You have to tolerate habits and lifestyles which you may very well not agree with and same with him with yours.  It gets annoying and very irritating day in and day out.  This in turn will cause both of you to dread and loathe each other.  It's bound to happen. 

I've been you.  I've been in hero mode and tried to rescue people due to their sad lives such as my cousin and neighbor.  It failed miserably every time.  I realize your intentions are sincere as was mine but the problem is,  whenever you get too intertwined with other people's woes,  the friendship sours quickly.  The friendship isn't the same anymore because it transitioned from being polite and quasi-superficial to personal and serious which is a volatile cocktail not to be contend with.  I'm speaking from experience.  Don't go there.  It's not worth causing the friendship to fail and lead to estrangement. 

[RILEY1982]

44 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Many people I know who have been roomies with friends end up enemies. Very hard to be on the same page on every single thing, with all that involves co-habiting.

So he'll be embarrassed. People generally experience many trials in life. Just continue giving him your pleasant company in friendship. 

You are all correct. When I had to move back home when I was 36. I done courses in the evening and worked in the daytime then I got a half decent job and moved out when I could (I also saved a lot) That’s the advice I gave him. 

[Jibralta]

On 6/4/2023 at 2:00 PM, RILEY1982 said:

I have been i his position when I was 36 and it was hard mentally as people gossip say horrible things/make snide comments. 

No need to move him in. Simply don't gossip, say horrible things, or make snide comments about his situation and you will show yourself to be a true friend.

[catfeeder]

Be careful. It’s easier to put someone on life support than it is to take them off.

Think this through all the way to potential outcomes, and recognize that your friend is preserving your friendship by keeping financial and lifestyle concerns outside of your equation. Otherwise, things are not likely to end well.

[Cherylyn]

On 6/4/2023 at 2:45 PM, RILEY1982 said:

You are all correct. When I had to move back home when I was 36. I done courses in the evening and worked in the daytime then I got a half decent job and moved out when I could (I also saved a lot) That’s the advice I gave him. 

Doing business with friends or living with friends and too much intimacy (non-physical) with friends leads to disbanding on negative terms.  Too much familiarity breeds contempt.  Been there,  done that and never again.  🙄 😒

[Wiseman2]

On 6/4/2023 at 5:45 PM, RILEY1982 said:

. I done courses in the evening and worked in the daytime then I got a half decent job and moved out when I could That’s the advice I gave him. 

Good call. Help him as a friend in other ways. He'll do ok 

[Cherylyn]

Be a good friend while enforcing healthy boundaries.  Sink or swim for your friend and he'll figure out a way to survive.  When he gets back on his feet again,  he'll be fine.  In the meantime,  tread lightly.  Be smart.