Am I the one who messed up this relationship or was it my doctor friend?

[Brianna L Genteman]

My dad was a doctor and a few years ago he passed away. He worked at this clinic and after he died I went to continue my treatment. I met the doctor that replaced him and he and I became friends. He became my primary care doctor and every once and a while he and I would hook up. He didn't want anything serious and I wanted to find a serious partner. He had no plans on getting married again or having more kids. I came to peace and kept him as my doctor friend and I went forward dating other men and he other women. It was very mutual and respectful.

A year into the friendship I was having dinner with him, his mom when he told his mom that once he found out and knew who I was, while working at the clinic, Doc G's daughter, that "he had to have me." I thought it was a loaded comment but ignored it and moved on.

Recently we both broke up with our partners around the same time. My doctor and I found solace in each other's company and started getting closer as friends.

I got very sick, was anemic and needed an IV and one of his resident doctors gave it to me at my doctor friends clinic. He was very sweet and wonderful when it came to putting in the needle into my hand.. He noticed my evil eye bracelet and made a comment on it. I found out he was leaving to go to another residency in a different state. He jokingly asked if I wanted to go with him. He was very handsome and charming.

After I got the IV I went and had dinner with my doctor friend and I talked all night about the resident doctor. Before I even got home my doctor said that his resident wanted me to have his number. I was ecstatic!

The resident doc and I had the best time talking via phone calls and texts. I had never felt so full with any man in my life. He said he felt a connection with me when he was putting in the IV, he said he wanted to take me out to dinner and treat me how a woman should be treated and that is the Lebanese/Moroccan in him to do so. He started calling me Habibti, asking about my cat, and my family, said I had a humble heart. I was falling hard for this guy and fast. I had not smiled that much in a long time.

My doctor friend was having a party for the residents who were leaving and I was invited. It was a wonderful night and I had a fabulous time with the resident, my doctor friend and all the other docs. Though, there might have been too much drinking.

The resident and I ended up hooking up and after he left, I stayed in my doctor friends spare bedroom. I woke up pretty dehydrated. My doctor friend told me to go to the clinic to get an IV because the resident was working. The resident was texting me all morning about how worried he was that I am not on birth control and need to take plan b. I agreed.

I get the IV and the resident was very sweet and loving and kind. I took plan b and I thought I was done. The resident was staying super sweet and kind but still nervous about the plan b. Tuesday morning my doctor friend calls me and tells me that the resident is freaking out and thinks I didn't take it. I freak out and send a picture of the box to the resident just to confirm. He gets upset that I didn't think that he trusted me. I honestly wanted everyone to calm down. It wasn't a big deal.

Plan B worked, but a little too well. I was already anemic and had low iron so in a few days I had to go and get a blood transfusion. I was scared and alone and at this point the doctor and the resident were not answering their phones. I also suffer from PTSD and anxiety attacks, which my doctor prescribes medication for me, so he is aware. At that moment I was spiraling with emotion. Eventually when I had a telehealth with my doctor he acted like everything was fine and that he will always take care of me and be my doctor.

Still no word from the resident.

I eventually text my doctor and asked if everything was okay with the resident. He replied, "just give him time." Eventually days later the resident texts me and says, "I heard what you said about me and I find it very disrespectful." SHOCKED, I was begging him to tell me what I said because I had only been praising him since day one. Eventually when I finally got him to talk to me, the resident told me that the doctor said I had said horrible things about him and showed the resident a text that I sent him that were COMPLETELY taken out of context and did not mean what the doctor told him. He also found out that the doctor and I had a past history through some of the screen shots that were shown. I texted the doctor why he would do that and he replied with, "You put me in the middle of this. You did this. Only contact me through the clinic now."

I continued to talk to the resident and he agreed he would come to my home town to have lunch with me and spend time with me since it was the anniversary of my dads passing and go to my dad's grave with me. We also agreed that we would meet up Monday for dinner. I was finishing up work and texting him Monday afternoon about where we would meet up and he said he had NO memory of us talking about having dinner Monday night. He reassured me that he would be there Saturday. But by Thursday he was starting to feel "sick". He cancels on me Saturday morning. He said he didn't want to get me I sick, but then I found out he went and worked at the clinic with sick patients. Once again he promises that we will do something the week after. Monday his phone "breaks" and he has no phone until late Saturday night. At that point I was done and had pulled my records from the clinic and looking for a new doctor.

The resident agrees to meet Sunday for dinner, at this point I am on eggshells because I don't know if he will be there. But deep down I wanted to fix it, I really wanted it to work. I wanted those first few weeks back at the beginning. Please call me Habibti again. He looked annoyed and like he didn't want to be there when I showed up. No hug, no Habibti, nothing. We were talking and we started sharing pictures of our family. But when I showed him a picture of my parents and myself he said, "Wow, look how skinny you used to be." Then we were talking about our backgrounds where I told him mine and I do have Jewish heritage, in which he replies, "Your people stole my grandfather's land." When he went to go get a drink I was talking a selfie because I got my hair done that morning (the way he said he likes women's hair) and wanted to post it and tag my hair dresser. He came back and asked if I was sending the picture to my boyfriend. I said I don't have one and explained what I was doing. He complained about how the place I picked didn't have anything for him to eat because of his Crohn's. I felt berated for everything I did. He was a totally different person from when I first met.

Dinner was not better. He basically said that he tries to keep his life low stress and drama and all I was is drama the last three weeks. That I wouldn't leave him alone. He interrupted me when I tried to defend myself and said that I bring too much of my past relationships into this, that he was lying and he cheats. Which I never said. Then he said that he was still attracted to me, but can't get past the history of the doctor and I. There is no going forward. I left.

I texted him the next morning saying I wish I never met him. He blocked me.

Now I have no doctor, no friend, no potential love interest, and it will be months until I can get a new doctor. Out of everyone I lost the most, but have been told it waws me who did this, I did this to myself. Was I too emotional, too crazy, too demanding? Was I the drama and stress? Am I the ***?

I threw away the evil eye bracelet. It reminds me of him.

[spinstermanquee]

doctor friend messed it up, not you

[1a1a]

It feels like you lost good things but both these men suck! 
 

Believe what you’re seeing now, that’s the real them. 
 

Im very glad to hear you’re on the mission to find a new dr too, that was a very wise choice. 

[MissCanuck]

Both of these men are gross. 

They preyed on your vulnerabilities, and neither was a true friend nor potential romantic partner. It's going to be best to get away from both of these clowns. 

 

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, Brianna L Genteman said:

   it will be months until I can get a new doctor. 

What type of clinic do you go to? Are you regularly treated for a chronic condition? Please find another place to continue your treatment.

A physician/clinic can not simply discharge you from care unless they provide a referral. You're treating this as a hookup gone wrong, but the problem is your healthcare. 

Please contact your insurance ASAP and find an approximate clinic/primary care physician.

Clearly there was a conflict of interests if these two were treating you and sleeping with you.

Please seek out appropriate medical care. As far as sleeping with your doctors, please don't do that. 

[Kwothe28]

Quote

Am I the one who messed up this relationship or was it my doctor friend?

You mean with new doctor-resident? I would say in the way he freaked out about casual sex that it would probably never work.

Also I am a big fan of taking accountability. So I would say this is all on you. If I would go deep in psychology, I would say its a deep psychological issue. Your dad was a doctor and you are attracted to doctors. And you sleped with both of your doctors. You cant be blaming them because you now need another doctor. No matter how sleeze both of them are. It was ultimately your decision to sleep with them. And with that you bear the risk of maybe needing another doctor next time.

Also you know why they both treated you as you are some possesion and with no respect? Because they are both doctors. They think they are "Gods gift to women" and that every woman wants them. Remember that next time when some doctor wants to sleep with you.

[SherrySher]

Honestly, I do think it's questionable that you got involved with your doctor while he was still treating you.

I'm not sure what country you're from, but in my country, a doctor could lose his license for getting involved with patients.

I do think it was really irresponsible for both the doctors and for you.

Business should be business and it should not be mixed with romance.

I also think it was a very bad idea to meet the resident through the doctor you already had an affair with.

That was just waiting to blow up.

Not the best choices.

Hopefully you will learn the lessons and not make the same ones in the future.

[Starlight925]

Both of these men took advantage of you, I'm sorry to say.

The resident (I'll call him Dr. Habibti) love bombed you, made you feel you were the most wonderful woman in the world, called you habibti, said all the right things, until he was done with you.

He then made you feel you had to take Plan B, show him a picture of the box, and treated you like trash.  He treated his doctor friend like trash, throwing him under the bus, taking texts out of context.

At the very least, Dr. Habibti is a jerk.  At the worst, he's a predator.

As others have said, it was not only highly unethical for your doctor to become so friendly with you, but in some places, illegal and worthy of having a license removed.

The fact that Dr. Habibti even went so far as to denounce your religion because of what "your people" did to "his people" is not only absurd, it's disgusting.

And yes, I know exactly what "habibti" means, and yes, I'm using it will all the sarcasm intended.

[Tinydance]

I actually can't believe that both these doctors were sleeping with their patient, super unprofessional. But then also what was weird was your "doctor friend" was encouraging you to date the other doctor but then seems he deliberately tried to sabotage it? If he was jealous then why did he actually act enthusiastic about you seeing the other doctor? Doesn't really make sense... 

I think yes unfortunately you did bring it upon yourself. If you date any kind of person like your doctor, personal trainer, hairdresser, etc., surely you understand that if it doesn't work out, you'll need to find a new doctor/hairdresser and so on? I mean, what did you think was going to happen if you sleep with your doctor?