Online dating help

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Whirling D said:

 comes with height, masculine look, and a chiseled jaw line.

One may not lend any credence to online dating coaches, but all of them as a community couldn’t all be wrong at the same time.

Why worry about non-modifiable factors?  Unfortunately this sounds like manoshere/incels rhetoric about genetically gifted "Chads", not "dating coach" tips.

The incels community has  fixed beliefs that they are unfairly outcast from the sex and relationships they feel entitled to. They also embrace a bitter, resentful defeatist mindset that this unfairness is out of their control for genetic and cruel social reasons. 

As you know, incels is considered a hate group and damaging cult because it propagates misinformation and damaging attitudes, such as "only men with chiseled jaws can get women"

If you enjoy reading, read 'Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults, and Beliefs", by Steven Hassan.

That may give you a refreshing look and approach to dating rather than regurgitating the incels rhetoric about chiseled jaws and broad shoulders and feeling defeated and hopeless.

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, Whirling D said:

and yes, I’ve spent several pages bemoaning that I don’t have girls chasing me, because I never have. Ever.  Never.  Nada.  Not an elementary school. Not through my teenage years, where I didn’t have a date the whole time, and not through most of my adulthood.

Yes- why does that matter to a person who says he is looking for a good match? I would think that would matter to a person looking for ego boosts/to be flattered/to have lots of "girls" to choose from for arm candy, casual dating, etc.  Would  you really match well with a girl who chased you? I had boys chase me when we were teenagers.  Because typically I wasn't that into them.  I had men chase me.  Same.  Sometimes mildly flattering; often a turn off.

I had other men ask me out on a date they planned in advance, after asking for my phone number and following up promptly. I asked men out in that same way. We weren't chasing each other.  

To me an adult man who is looking back at never being chased by girls isn't really looking for a good match right now - if that's the mindset - I mean you're telling yourself that but your lifestyle, what you're looking for, how you're going about it and then focusing on not being chased -it just isn't adding up for me (maybe it will for others!)

Kind of reminds me of people who go to their high school and college reunions to show off how awesome they look as compared to what they looked like then and show the popular crowd who didn't chase them that it was their loss, etc.

[Unreasonable]

Well, I've only done online dating for a month and a half or so but I feel I've been unusually successful (talked to several women and have gone on a few dates).

I wouldn't play games as far as responding.  The only thing I might not do is respond during work hours. And while I would not reply instantly, I otherwise I wouldn't put more than an hour gap in replying if there is no actual reason to.

I think once you've fleshed out the major things on your profiles it's time to tell them you're interested in a meet.  Probably within a few days of chatting.

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, Unreasonable said:

Well, I've only done online dating for a month and a half or so but I feel I've been unusually successful (talked to several women and have gone on a few dates).

I wouldn't play games as far as responding.  The only thing I might not do is respond during work hours. And while I would not reply instantly, I otherwise I wouldn't put more than an hour gap in replying if there is no actual reason to.

I think once you've fleshed out the major things on your profiles it's time to tell them you're interested in a meet.  Probably within a few days of chatting.

I agree with this. I don't think anyone expects a response even same day although same day is good too.  I like that you don't respond during work hours because even with a stranger it's good to set the tone of you being unavailable at that time. 

[Wiseman2]

On 4/17/2023 at 11:53 PM, Whirling D said:

 Asked me what I do for work, and made a comment about something she liked about my profile. She tells me she’s a primary care physician. I am barely employed and most months I’m not even breaking even

Have you been able to answer her question about your work?

[Type O Negative]

D,

How's it going mate??

Are you getting together tomorrow??