Is a drunken word a sober thought?

[boltnrun]

5 minutes ago, TeeBell said:

Okay so i do move forward with truly believing my friend is racist now, because he used a derogatory term when he was blacked out. Can he recover? He cant take it back but what can he do to make it right?

What if the example was different? What if a drunk person called someone a c.u.n.t (which is a derogatory term toward women) would they be sexist (or discriminating im not sure the term) ? forever with no exception? (yes i know the two words are different. but im looking for the perspective on this as well)

I can't and won't make that call. I've never met your friend. I don't see the purpose of asking online strangers if your friend is racist. How would that resolve anything?

I can give you an example from my own life. A former friend was staying overnight at my home as a favor I did for him. He had been sent to my city to do some work and it was more convenient for him to stay with me. While we were watching TV together he used the "n" word. I told him that word is not allowed in my home and if he persisted he would have to find somewhere else to stay. He immediately apologized and didn't say it again. But I ended the friendship, partly because I had discovered he used that word in his everyday conversation. He has every right to do that, but I have every right to choose not to associate with someone who uses that word. None of my friends or family use that kind of offensive language. And he wasn't drunk.

I do think my former friend is racist. I can't determine if your friend is. 

Oh, and I don't use the "c" word either. It's a disgusting word. I don't use the "f" or "d" words when referring to gays or lesbians either. Also offensive. It's not that difficult to refrain from using offensive terms.  Even when allegedly drunk. 

[tattoobunnie]

I agree with your husband 100%.  Alcohol is a disinhibitnator, which means, it releases natural impulses by eliminating learned inhibitions, so an a$$hole let's their a$$hole freak flag fly and blame it on alcohol.

I have been blotto so many times, so many times with friends, and I and friends have never once cheated, called people the "N" word, smacked our partners around, or picked a fight.  You don't become a racist from alcohol. If you are one, the alcohol lowers your inhibitions enough to say it.

[TeeBell]

45 minutes ago, Wonderstruck said:

Wow, you're showing your true colours in this thread.

Also, calling someone a racial slur is more than just "jerky" behaviour.

Cutting in front of someone in line is "jerky" behaviour. Calling someone a racial slur is RACIST.

Yes. If my true colors are that i think racism is much more serious then one word. I think its horrible and wrong that he called him that but i do believe racism consists of so much more then just one word. 

[tattoobunnie]

Just now, TeeBell said:

Yes. If my true colors are that i think racism is much more serious then one word. I think its horrible and wrong that he called him that but i do believe racism consists of so much more then just one word. 

Letting that word be used, and blaming it on alcohol while the entire world knows it is not to be used, just enables racism.  Like see you next Tuesday, or Ching-Chung; one word used in a fight is damaging, and used as a means to make the other be subservient.  Sorry, but that word is disgusting, and I don't care how drunk they were, they used that word willingly and on purpose.  It does not just slip out randomly.

[boltnrun]

13 minutes ago, TeeBell said:

Yes. If my true colors are that i think racism is much more serious then one word. I think its horrible and wrong that he called him that but i do believe racism consists of so much more then just one word. 

So if you were at your company holiday party and your male coworker was intoxicated and called you a wh*re, you'd conclude that he really does respect women but he was just drunk?

[smackie9]

Alcohol affects people differently so one can't say this is how and why a drunk person says things. Like in this case, no one can really say that individual is actually a racist or not. But if the group wants to determine he is, and refuse to be friends with him anymore, that is anyone's choice to make. If you don't feel that way, no one has to agree with you. IMO no matter what, drunk or not, I couldn't associate with someone like that anymore, unless they took some drastic steps to make up for their behavior like taking some courses, and quit drinking permanently. IMO his behavior shouldn't be totally dismissed. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, TeeBell said:

 What if a drunk person called someone a c.u.n.t.

People are responsible for what goes into their mouths (alcohol) and what comes out of their mouths (slurs).  There's really no mitigating factors or free passes. 

[Crawfords Wine]

On 3/10/2023 at 10:04 PM, TeeBell said:

I agree. Thats what I am trying to say (devils advocate) that just because someone says some really stupid dumb stuff when they are wasted doesnt mean they believe it with their heart.  

In vino veritas.

A well known phrase that goes back to the days of Erasmus. It wouldn't still be around to this day if there was no truth to it. 

Maybe this is a good opportunity for you to examine the sort of people you'd like to have in your life going forward; the sort who get black-out drunk, start fights in bars, take out their anger on others and racially abuse people are perhaps not the bedfellows you'd want to be associated with.

 

[catfeeder]

4 hours ago, TeeBell said:

I really dont know where i said i was not respecting their feelings and choices? this post was a discussion about the topic. I have done nothing to harm any relationships with my friends. 

I thought you were arguing with them about their choice to disabuse themselves of the guy who has offended them, and they were getting upset with you about defending him. If that's not the case, I'll take this back, and I'm sorry I misunderstood.