Is being called by the right name really too much to ask?

[MissCanuck]

I've got a common Anglo name, but people constantly mix it up with other names that begin with the same letter. And now that I live abroad, the locals have a lot of difficulty pronouncing it correctly. So, I ask them to call me by a shortened version that's easier for them to say. Win-win. 

But I've got a friends at home in Canada with a difficult-to-pronounce first names (for English-speakers) who have the same issue of people never getting it right even after having been corrected more than once. 

I think many people relate, on different levels! 

[Batya33]

Ironically I just heard a radio program about exactly this issue and lol can’t remember the name of the program. My name is really simple and spelled in the simple version. No it’s not my user name or anything like it. But people mishear it all the time and add extra letters to the front. It’s annoying. 
so I am not great with names either and I agree - if someone tries in a genuine way and still gets if wrong I think that truly is ok. The intention matters. I really care about getting it right. 
here’s a story - my friend has a daughter named Mia. Pronounced Mee-ah.  She was at our bus stop for 2 years and is younger. So she was 5 when I met her. Then my friend from my home town has a daughter named Maya.  So when I met Mia I guess I mixed it up in my brain with Maya and sometimes called her Maya by accident.
One time I saw the mom and asked how Maya was and I loved how she handled it. She said by the way it’s Mia. I apologized and she said - it’s really ok it’s just that if you call her Maya she won’t respond. She said this so politely. Maybe she was used to the mistake. But that conversation is what helped me never make that mistake again. Now when I see Mia it perfectly matches for me with Mia.

I also think it’s fine if you have an e-mail relationship with someone at work - spell their name correctly - but never actually know how to pronounce or have it in your head a certain wrong way. 
another really funny story. We had dinner with an elderly family friend. My son knows her as Aunt (name) but no relation. So he called her first name in conversation and she says “I love how you pronounce my name!”  It wasn’t wrong. But maybe with the typical accent of where we live now. So my son pauses and assumed he’d made a mistake so he says “sorry I meant AUNT (first name)”

Which leads down another pet peeve I had when I became an aunt to my sister’s kids I really disliked when they didn’t call me Aunt (my first name). And disliked my sister didn’t reinforce it. I think that’s also sometimes a thing - calling a person by first name instead of more formally by last name especially if the person requests it in some way. Or requests first name. I think people’s preferences should be honored and that’s another reason I agree with Cynder. Not trying and insisting that their version is ok is NOT ok. 

[Batya33]

Then there's also the people who insist on hyphenating me even though I changed my last name -from a cumbersome three syllable name to a one syllable name easy to pronounce too.  I've had the experience of people assuming I would never not hyphenate -some feminist notion etc - and certain people continued the hyphenation when I explained I had changed my name when I married.  I honor all of my friend's preferences when they get married.  It is funny when my son calls me my first name, maiden name then last name as a joke but he's family and a kid lol.

Finally - many years ago a college friend sent us a christmas card.  She'd met my husband several times and dated his best friend for awhile.  She also knew my ex bf.  My ex bf's first name has the first letter in common.  That is it.  So the inside card said "Dear [my name] and [my ex's first name].  Awful (IMO) especially since she knew my husband fairly well! I did tell her.  She didn't think it was a big deal.  You know - two names with first letter in common.  Different sound, pronunciation, etc.No biggie to call my husband that my ex's name.  Yes biggie. IMO.  Biggie not to be apologetic in a genuine way. Oh and I never lived with my ex and she never sent a card to me and my ex.  So it wasn't like she had some list -- and it was handwritten.

[tattoobunnie]

I'm first generation born in the US, with countless Chinese relatives that came over here.  Some changed their name to an American first name.  Others kept it, and give themselves nicknames for people to easily pronounce.  I have an uncommon American name, with origins in Spain, and even though, people don't always pronounce my name correctly since there are several ways to say it.  When people mispronounce your name, just correct them, and have them say it back to you.  And keep correcting them, but not in a bit$hcy way, because it just happens.  But trust me, it's not just your name people mispronounce.  I have the Welsh spelling for my 2nd son, but we pronounce it the English way because we use the English way; we were lazy too.  People just are bad at lost of pronunciations.  My mom puts in a lot of effort to pronounce people's names correctly, but it's actually super hard for her since she was an immigrant, granted a zillion years ago.

[waffle]

Hell my first name is four letters, one syllable, and while it's (usually) pronounced correctly, it is spelled wrong at least 75% of the time.  If I had a name with any difficulty no one would ever get it right.  It annoys me but I've had to let it go.  It's because people are way too wrapped up in themselves to care anything about your preferences.  Just smile and nod and move along.

[Starlight925]

My name is 3 letters and is a very common name.

I'm a female, but it's a name similar to Tom.  Or Jim.  Or Bob.

You have NO. IDEA. how often it's mis prounounced, or misspelled.

It's like calling "Tom", Jom.  Lom.  Rom.  It's TOM, you idiots.

My mother's name was Carole.  Spelled with an "e" at the end, which of course always got left off.

My dad leaned into it, and always called her "Caroleeee".  She laughed it off.

 

[Seraphim]

On 2/23/2023 at 5:39 PM, Starlight925 said:

My name is 3 letters and is a very common name.

I'm a female, but it's a name similar to Tom.  Or Jim.  Or Bob.

You have NO. IDEA. how often it's mis prounounced, or misspelled.

It's like calling "Tom", Jom.  Lom.  Rom.  It's TOM, you idiots.

My mother's name was Carole.  Spelled with an "e" at the end, which of course always got left off.

My dad leaned into it, and always called her "Caroleeee".  She laughed it off.

 

Hahahaha mine and my mom’s name has an e on the end and people always leave it off as well. It looks so unfinished that way. And when my mom’s name was registered they put e’s in place of what should have been A’s . 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️. There was a lot of prejudice against French Canadian  people in Canada at the time  so could have been intentional or not . 

[Seraphim]

My son’s name is Irish and very uncomplicated. My husband is part Celt through his mother and Anglo Saxon through his father . So our son as a Celtic first name , a Hebrew second name and an English second middle name and a very English last name . My other baby who passed had a Celtic first name as well. 
 

My dad was English so I have always had a very English last name . My husband first and middle and last names very very English names from the Middle Ages same with his father. His mom strangely has an originally French name . 

[catfeeder]

I mean no disrespect to what matters to each-our-own, but I'm misnamed all the time, and I just don't care. 🙂 

Mine is 7-letters-3-syllables and when I shorten it to a nickname it's confused with a similar name--and I'm just not impacted by this. At all. It's not a thing.

Maybe calling people on it shames them (so they believe) which makes them defensive. I dunno. If I ever care to raise it, I'm cheerful, and those who care might respond to this, while those who don't, at very least, don't offend me with defensiveness.

Wul, if they do, I don't notice. We all win. 

[CrazyWife]

People can be so ignorant and thoughtless. I can be terrible with pronouncing or remembering names but always correct myself when I say them wrong. 

I would keep insisting on being called by my name if that is your preference. For the worst offenders, maybe suggest you call them by a different name? 

[Cynder]

Holy Hell guys, ENA usually doesn't tell me when I have new replies. I've been at a festival and didn't even notice these. But I can't wait to read them.  

 

Also, idk why when I post on mobile there is tons of extra space under my text. Sorry.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Cynder]

On 2/22/2023 at 3:47 AM, MissCanuck said:

I've got a common Anglo name, but people constantly mix it up with other names that begin with the same letter. And now that I live abroad, the locals have a lot of difficulty pronouncing it correctly. So, I ask them to call me by a shortened version that's easier for them to say. Win-win. 

But I've got a friends at home in Canada with a difficult-to-pronounce first names (for English-speakers) who have the same issue of people never getting it right even after having been corrected more than once. 

I think many people relate, on different levels! 

I feel so guilty when I get anyone's name wrong.  Even if I just mixed them up with someone else.  I meet a lot of people doing festivals and it's not always easy to remember who is who. 

[Cynder]

On 2/22/2023 at 12:25 PM, Batya33 said:

Ironically I just heard a radio program about exactly this issue and lol can’t remember the name of the program. My name is really simple and spelled in the simple version. No it’s not my user name or anything like it. But people mishear it all the time and add extra letters to the front. It’s annoying. 
so I am not great with names either and I agree - if someone tries in a genuine way and still gets if wrong I think that truly is ok. The intention matters. I really care about getting it right. 
here’s a story - my friend has a daughter named Mia. Pronounced Mee-ah.  She was at our bus stop for 2 years and is younger. So she was 5 when I met her. Then my friend from my home town has a daughter named Maya.  So when I met Mia I guess I mixed it up in my brain with Maya and sometimes called her Maya by accident.
One time I saw the mom and asked how Maya was and I loved how she handled it. She said by the way it’s Mia. I apologized and she said - it’s really ok it’s just that if you call her Maya she won’t respond. She said this so politely. Maybe she was used to the mistake. But that conversation is what helped me never make that mistake again. Now when I see Mia it perfectly matches for me with Mia.

I also think it’s fine if you have an e-mail relationship with someone at work - spell their name correctly - but never actually know how to pronounce or have it in your head a certain wrong way. 
another really funny story. We had dinner with an elderly family friend. My son knows her as Aunt (name) but no relation. So he called her first name in conversation and she says “I love how you pronounce my name!”  It wasn’t wrong. But maybe with the typical accent of where we live now. So my son pauses and assumed he’d made a mistake so he says “sorry I meant AUNT (first name)”

Which leads down another pet peeve I had when I became an aunt to my sister’s kids I really disliked when they didn’t call me Aunt (my first name). And disliked my sister didn’t reinforce it. I think that’s also sometimes a thing - calling a person by first name instead of more formally by last name especially if the person requests it in some way. Or requests first name. I think people’s preferences should be honored and that’s another reason I agree with Cynder. Not trying and insisting that their version is ok is NOT ok. 

My nephew is no blood relation to me.  He calls me Weirdo and I call him Monster, lol. Seriously, that is what we have called each other since he was like 4.  People have given me weird looks when they hear me call him Monster out in public.  

The story about your son was really cute.