Is being called by the right name really too much to ask?

[Cynder]

So, just imagine for a minute that no one ever... EVER pronounced your name right. 

This is something I've written about here before, ages ago, but over the last couple weeks it's been really bothering me that I interact with people on the regular who call me by the wrong name even after being corrected.

My name is Gaelic and not common at all in the US.  But it's not like it's some tongue twister that is really hard to pronounce.  And the spelling isn't some really weird spelling either.  It's 8 letters, 3 syllables.  The whole time my Mom was pregnant with me she was going to name me Erica.  But she said when I was born I just didn't feel like an Erica.  She lived at home with her parents, and they had neighbors that were Irish.  And she got my name from them.  And all my siblings have really common names.  I think after giving me a unique name she decided she didn't want the headache anymore of correcting everyone on her child's name every 5 minutes. 

My name was wrong in all four of my high school yearbooks.  It was mispronounced at both my high school and college graduations. 

I work at a gym, and last night a customer who comes in there every single night addressed my by the wrong name, like he's been doing for a year.  I corrected him, and he said "Well it still starts with the same letter, so it's not a big deal." 

Two nights ago another regular called me Michelle.  One of our personal trainers at work is named Michelle and we have a sign advertising her services.  "Need help?  Book an appointment with Michelle today!"  I corrected this lady and she's like, "Well then why does the sign say Michelle?"  I said, "Michelle is one of our trainers."  And then she's like, "So what is your name again?"  And I told her, and she was like, "Well there's no way I'll ever remember that.  You're Michelle to me from now on." 

I take public transportation to work.  This is a made up name, but I'm just going to call where I work The Bob Miller Gym for this story. None of the drivers or the dispatchers at the cab company I use call me by my name.  They all refer to me as Bob Miller.  I hear them on the radio to each other when I'm in the car, "Hey have you picked up Bob Miller yet?"  "Where are you?"  "I'm about to drop off Bob Miller at her house and then I'm going to pick up Paula."  They call all the other passengers by name, and they call me by the name of where I work.  I asked one of the drivers about this once while she was on the phone with the dispatcher on speaker.  And they both told me that neither of them can say my name so that's just easier for them. 

At one of my old jobs, my email address was a completely different name @nameofcompany.com.  I told my boss it was wrong and she refused to change it.  I worked there for two years.  So in two years time I talked to so many people on the phone that I had to explain that my email address is this but my name is this because my boss didn't want to change it. 

I was at my previous job for 11 years.  Management called me the wrong name the entire time.  My name was even written on the overtime schedule wrong.  There were so many times I was put on the weekend schedule but it was a different name.  I was so tempted to just not show up one of those weekends and then when they flip out on Monday morning just be like, "Well my name wasn't on the schedule." "Yes it was!"  "Well actually no it wasn't."  Legally I don't think they could have done anything because technically my name wasn't on the schedule. But I never did because I needed the job. 

When my ex and I used to go to Starbucks a lot...  I didn't get drinks very often but when I did I would just tell them my name was Ann or Jill or something else short and easy to spell because it just wasn't even worth the hassle. 

I missed out on a job once because of people calling me the wrong name.  I volunteered in an animal shelter for almost a year and I really wanted to work there.  I had an app in and the director told me when a position opened up I would be hired.  Well then they hired three new people and the director approached me and told me she was really disappointed that I never put in an app.  I told her I did.  And then she said, "Well we didn't see an app for anyone named Sarah."  Don't know where Sarah came from.  Most of the people there referred to me as "The redhead" and they addressed me to my face as "Hey."  But my name was on all my volunteer paperwork.  And I told people what my name was more than once. 

It seems like the only place this hasn't impacted my professional life is working at festivals.  People in the festival scene seem to have no problem at all saying my name right or remembering it.  I also get asked a lot if that's my real name or just my artist name.  And a lot of people ask me if I legally changed it to that.  My first name is this Gaelic name and my last name is very ethnic Italian.  So it's an interesting combo.  I've been told my name sounds like a character in a fantasy novel, etc.  I love my name.  I just wish people didn't have to be jerks about it or be so lazy about it.  (Oh I can't be bothered to even attempt to pronounce your real name... so I'm just going to call you some random name that's easy.)

My SO has this problem sometimes too.  His name actually is pretty common here in the US, but he was born and raised in Germany.  So his name is spelled the German way and that throws a lot of people off.  And he has a French last name that a lot of people say wrong. 

I don't know if any real advice can be given here.  I'm mostly just venting.  Comments are welcome, though. 

[Coily]

One of my Polish friends just goes by Ski for similar reasons. And my late Italian Uncle went by John.

I have found that I tend to call people by last names, as it gets more traction when asked for correction.

People are just lazy is my conclusion, that and I'm terrible with names in general.

[Cherylyn]

I don't know if you want to do this but my friend legally changed her name so her difficult to pronounce first name became her middle name and she renamed herself with a name she liked and easily pronounced.  If you don't wish to take this route, you'll just have to tolerate how it's been ongoing for the rest of your life.  I'm sorry.

[Seraphim]

I hear you, I have family members that can’t even spell my name. It is irritating as hell. 
 

I am sorry people are ignorant. 

[Cynder]

21 minutes ago, Coily said:

One of my Polish friends just goes by Ski for similar reasons. And my late Italian Uncle went by John.

I have found that I tend to call people by last names, as it gets more traction when asked for correction.

People are just lazy is my conclusion, that and I'm terrible with names in general.

Most of my Italian uncles went by short nicknames too.  I tried going by a shorter version of my name when I was a teenager, but it seemed to cause more trouble than it was worth.  My teachers were just confused.  My parents were pissed even though they called me the short version ever since I was little at home.  It's like they thought it was disrespectful that I wanted to use my childhood nickname outside of the house.  It is basically the first 4 letters of my name, shortened to one syllable.  It doesn't' sound near as pretty or as eloquent, though. 

I actually remember the first time I handed in a paper at school with the short version of my name on it my teacher pretty much humiliated me in front of the whole class.  She yelled at me for not knowing how to spell my own name, being too lazy to write the whole thing, etc.  People suck. 

[Cynder]

13 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I don't know if you want to do this but my friend legally changed her name so her difficult to pronounce first name became her middle name and she renamed herself with a name she liked and easily pronounced.  If you don't wish to take this route, you'll just have to tolerate how it's been ongoing for the rest of your life.  I'm sorry.

Absolutely not.  My name is one of the few things I love about myself.  I won't give it up to accommodate a bunch of lazy and ignorant people. 

[Cynder]

13 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I hear you, I have family members that can’t even spell my name. It is irritating as hell. 
 

I am sorry people are ignorant. 

Yea... especially when people don't even try. 

[Seraphim]

3 minutes ago, Cynder said:

Yea... especially when people don't even try. 

Exactly. 

[Seraphim]

10 minutes ago, Cynder said:

Most of my Italian uncles went by short nicknames too.  I tried going by a shorter version of my name when I was a teenager, but it seemed to cause more trouble than it was worth.  My teachers were just confused.  My parents were pissed even though they called me the short version ever since I was little at home.  It's like they thought it was disrespectful that I wanted to use my childhood nickname outside of the house.  It is basically the first 4 letters of my name, shortened to one syllable.  It doesn't' sound near as pretty or as eloquent, though. 

I actually remember the first time I handed in a paper at school with the short version of my name on it my teacher pretty much humiliated me in front of the whole class.  She yelled at me for not knowing how to spell my own name, being too lazy to write the whole thing, etc.  People suck. 

I have shortened my name as well because my name is 10 letters long. Even the shortened name people can’t spell. 🤦‍♀️🙄

[Cynder]

2 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I have shortened my name as well because my name is 10 letters long. Even the shortened name people can’t spell. 🤦‍♀️🙄

Do people ever argue with you about the way it's spelled or pronounced?  I've had that happen a few times. 

[Cherylyn]

11 minutes ago, Cynder said:

Absolutely not.  My name is one of the few things I love about myself.  I won't give it up to accommodate a bunch of lazy and ignorant people. 

Then you'll have to constantly and endlessly correct people who refuse to pronounce your name correctly.  Hopefully,  your unusual name won't cost you financially due to a mistake on their part. 

[Seraphim]

Just now, Cynder said:

Do people ever argue with you about the way it's spelled or pronounced?  I've had that happen a few times. 

Yes, I have had that happen. I had a teacher argue with me that my name was an entirely different name altogether. When it came to naming my son I made his name very simple , it is four letters. 

[Seraphim]

Even though I shortened my name for every day people and things my legal documents have my legal name . I haven’t used it for everyday in about 30 years. 

[Lambert]

I hear you. no one ever gets my name right. I've come to the conclusion that at least 80% of the population are dumb as rocks.

 

 

[Seraphim]

My mom has a similar name and it was misspelled by the registrar who registered her birth . Her own cousins would misspell it and my mom is French so most people can’t say it with the proper pronunciation. 

[Cynder]

40 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I have shortened my name as well because my name is 10 letters long. Even the shortened name people can’t spell. 🤦‍♀️🙄

I think I might have an idea what your name is.  I could be wrong but didn't you used to have a different username here?  It was a woman's name with a combination of numbers after.  (I'm not going to say it specifically because people change their usernames for a reason, and ENA is a place where people want to be anonymous for the most part.  But if I'm right, was your old username your actual name? I could be wrong and you might be someone completely different, if so, sorry. 

[Seraphim]

Just now, Cynder said:

I think I might have an idea what your name is.  I could be wrong but didn't you used to have a different username here?  It was a woman's name with a combination of numbers after.  (I'm not going to say it specifically because people change their usernames for a reason, and ENA is a place where people want to be anonymous for the most part.  But if I'm right, was your old username your actual name? I could be wrong and you might be someone completely different, if so, sorry. 

Yes, I had that user name but it isn’t my actual name . It is the name I would have given my son had he been a girl. 😊My real name starts with an L. 

[Cynder]

31 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

My mom has a similar name and it was misspelled by the registrar who registered her birth . Her own cousins would misspell it and my mom is French so most people can’t say it with the proper pronunciation. 

French names are so beautiful.  My BF's last name is French and it just rolls off the tongue and sounds so elegant.  It doesn't correctly translate to English but it's a word that basically means lover, cherished one, etc.

[Cynder]

1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

Yes, I had that user name but it isn’t my actual name . It is the name I would have given my son had he been a girl. 😊My real name starts with an L. 

Ah, ok.  I guess that would make sense considering your old username doesn't have ten letters.  I'm glad you are who I thought you were, though.  I took a break from here for like 5 years.  When I came back most of the people I remember were gone. 

[Seraphim]

1 minute ago, Cynder said:

Ah, ok.  I guess that would make sense considering your old username doesn't have ten letters.  I'm glad you are who I thought you were, though.  I took a break from here for like 5 years.  When I came back most of the people I remember were gone. 

Thanks ! I remember you from years back too!! 

[Seraphim]

4 minutes ago, Cynder said:

French names are so beautiful.  My BF's last name is French and it just rolls off the tongue and sounds so elegant.  It doesn't correctly translate to English but it's a word that basically means lover, cherished one, etc.

I only recently found out my first name is actually French when all along I thought it was English. ( my father was English) but thousands upon thousands of women in Québec and New Brunswick have my name . 

[Cynder]

16 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I only recently found out my first name is actually French when all along I thought it was English. ( my father was English) but thousands upon thousands of women in Québec and New Brunswick have my name . 

It's interesting that there's a large French population in New Brunswick, and my BF, who's Dad is French, is from Brunswick, Germany. 

I've wondered if my name is common in Ireland/Scotland.  I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard to find out. I just haven't bothered to find some Irish/Scottish community online and ask everyone. 

There is a Facebook group for women with my first name, though.  Some interesting conversations happen there. 

[greendots]

I hear you too. Imagine how Saoirse Ronan must feel whenever she does an interview.

[Cherylyn]

1 hour ago, Lambert said:

I hear you. no one ever gets my name right. I've come to the conclusion that at least 80% of the population are dumb as rocks.

 

 

@LambertI agree!

[1a1a]

A contemplation, I have a young tech friend with a Greek name that no one can pronounce properly Sounds like yourrrrrgo with the rolled r. But looks like Giorgios! I’ve been calling him jeorgous, like gorgeous but with the j sound, my boss calls him Gio like Jio and I’m like ‘that’s not his name’. But then I learned I’d been saying it wrong too. He’s given up, he doesn’t introduce himself as yourrrrgo. 
 

I shared this story with an old muso shortly after it happened, this guy is also Greek. I know him as black jack. Turns out he has a secret Greek name too! Gidiaku. That’s not even hard to say. But I can imagine Australians in the 70s and 80s stumbling over the unfamiliar sounds and getting it wrong and him giving up and taking a western name. I’d say the percentage of the expat community who don’t speak English as a first language that are using an adopted name where I live is not small.

 

People who learn the error of their ways and insist on calling you the wrong name are being absolute *** though!