Lost trust in my gf

[Kartoff]

8 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

But what if this is her character?  So, no matter where you are, it'll happen again....

You've been dating a couple of years.  Is she the 'flirty' type?  If so, I don't think 'escaping the city' is going to change her.

 

Okay, so you feel this is one sided... and she takes you for granted.  Seems a lot is affecting you...

 

This would bother me....

I wonder if she has some 'ego boost' issue's or is struggling with insecurities, to behave like this.

Heck, if a person I was dating had this need to get to know his crushes, I would not be hanging around.

 

I want to escape the city for different reasons, I dont think it would help the relationship.

She is natural flirty. She does have a serious insecurity problem(she went to therapy, is a bit serious) and I feel like she does love the ego boost

[Kartoff]

6 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

I totally get where you are and coming from as I have been there.  Their looks are what keeps us hanging in there but guess what?  They have been surrounded by guys all their lives willing to tolerate their behavior so why change? Why put in any effort?  There will always be another guy waiting his chance only to get burned just like you are.

  This is where self respect and clearing your vision comes in.  Frankly I don't think you love her, I do believe you love the idea of being with her and the imagined person you wish she would be but how can anyone truly love someone they don't trust and treats them so badly? 

Is the uncaring treatment worth it?  Sounds like you aren't even getting sex out of this relationship now so tell us again what exactly is the upside to dating her for you.

 She may be the most attractive woman you will ever date but she will certainly not be the most beautiful.

Lost

Lately dating her has zero perks. I have thougt that I might love the idea of the relationship more than her.

She is used to do zero effort, and guys will come. She told me that.

Sometimes I think that at least I can stay for sex but whe do it twice a month if lucky. Is not worth being withsomeone you do not trust. But I wanted tl try and rebuilt trust before abandoning the relationship.

I am also responsible for the state of the relationship. I have avoid talking about things that I dislike and serious conversations. I change that, realize that those conversations are vital but I do not see any effect from being honest.

[MissCanuck]

9 hours ago, Kartoff said:

I have put lot of effort. And I can understand it might now work, but why does she not even try?

Because she is not that into you, Kartoff. 

That's what it boils down to. She isn't afraid to lose you because her feelings for you are just not that deep. I am sorry. When she meets a guy she wants to date, she is going to leave you high and dry. This woman is not the one you are going to spend your life with. That's clear as day. 

[lostandhurt]

I don't believe she can be "into" anyone other than herself unfortunately.

  I don't know what you are waiting for from her so you end this but keep us posted.

Best wishes

 Lost

[Days and Confused]

23 hours ago, Kartoff said:

She thought it was ok to pursue/get to know those crushes to find out if she was more interested in that person.

This is absolutley not ok, big red flag!  You are correct, this is very one sided.

I think you know what you need to do, you just need confrimation and it's obvious from other reponses

[Kartoff]

6 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Because she is not that into you, Kartoff. 

That's what it boils down to. She isn't afraid to lose you because her feelings for you are just not that deep. I am sorry. When she meets a guy she wants to date, she is going to leave you high and dry. This woman is not the one you are going to spend your life with. That's clear as day. 

I thought her feelings were stronger, and that she just did not know how to express it. But now I feel they are not. Shes is comfortable with what I offer but is not really afraid of losing me 

[Kartoff]

11 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

I don't believe she can be "into" anyone other than herself unfortunately.

  I don't know what you are waiting for from her so you end this but keep us posted.

Best wishes

 Lost

This kind of hit the spot. Lately I feel like she is only into her. Extremely.

Yeah I will keep you update. I am thankful for the answers

[Kartoff]

3 minutes ago, Days and Confused said:

This is absolutley not ok, big red flag!  You are correct, this is very one sided.

I think you know what you need to do, you just need confrimation and it's obvious from other reponses

I guess I do. But is hard and I want to know I am taking the right decision.

That was a huge red flag, I try to ignore it but is way to big. It make me realize how little she was investing in the relationship and how unfair is I need to prove myself

[MissCanuck]

5 hours ago, Kartoff said:

I thought her feelings were stronger, and that she just did not know how to express it. 

This is apparently quite wishful thinking. 

Not knowing how to express feeling is one thing. But her actions also are a clear indication that her feelings are not strong and she is not into you the way you are into her.

 

[Kartoff]

34 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

This is apparently quite wishful thinking. 

Not knowing how to express feeling is one thing. But her actions also are a clear indication that her feelings are not strong and she is not into you the way you are into her.

 

I guess so. I can deny her actions do not show love. And it is clear I am more into her than she is into me.

I feel she loves the idea of me, but not me. I can understand sometimes you will have doubts, but I am not going to be someone second option. I deserve better.

After she passes her exam, I ll have to talk with her

[MissCanuck]

Why wait until she passes her exam?

She isn't considerate of your feelings, so I wouldn't be concerned about upsetting her. Since she is not that invested, it won't rattle her that much. 

[Kartoff]

24 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Why wait until she passes her exam?

She isn't considerate of your feelings, so I wouldn't be concerned about upsetting her. Since she is not that invested, it won't rattle her that much. 

I still love her. I want her to be happy, and I really want her to pass the exam. I just wished she could be happy by my side, but if she cannot I want her tl be happy by herself

[MissCanuck]

Do you think dumping her will bother her so much that she doesn't pass the exam? 

 

[Kartoff]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Do you think dumping her will bother her so much that she doesn't pass the exam? 

 

It will affect her, but probably not that much. She has made it clear her exams are her priority which is good. What is wrong is her telling me I am not a priority(not even after her exams)

[MissCanuck]

 

2 minutes ago, Kartoff said:

What is wrong is her telling me I am not a priority(not even after her exams)

That's why I don't see why waiting until after her exam to break up with her makes any difference. 

She isn't with you for the right reasons. Don't prolong your own misery. 

[Kwothe28]

16 hours ago, Kartoff said:

I feel she loves the idea of me, but not me. I can understand sometimes you will have doubts, but I am not going to be someone second option. I deserve better.

 

That is a good attitude. You both deserve somebody where your and other person heart would be there.

Also, I wouldnt mind her exam. From what you told us, she wont be very upset with break up as she takes you for granted and just doesnt care. Maybe if she has an ego so she says "How dare he breaking up" but other then that, no. Also yes, she wasnt very considerate to you. You shouldnt too.

[Kartoff]

16 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

That is a good attitude. You both deserve somebody where your and other person heart would be there.

Also, I wouldnt mind her exam. From what you told us, she wont be very upset with break up as she takes you for granted and just doesnt care. Maybe if she has an ego so she says "How dare he breaking up" but other then that, no. Also yes, she wasnt very considerate to you. You shouldnt too.

I guess so. But they are close that is why I wanted to wait, but I an getting a bit mad.

She has no time to spend with me, but she is having time for yoga...

I talked her about being together alone the day of the exam and she told me how she would like to do something with a couple lf friends.

I am feeling stupid. I do not understand why I even text her nor try to motivate her, I am a moron

[MissCanuck]

You aren't stupid, but you are needlessly dragging out the misery for yourself. 

Just dump her and be done with it.