For those who read my last post, how normal is to feel anxiety doing basic tasks that would otherwise not make you anxious?

[remerz]

For background, I broke up with my ex fiancé around a month ago. (Read last post). It was tumultuous.

As expected, I am still a bit depressive if there is any mention of him or his family, marriage or weddings, anything in that vein; anything like that triggers tears and self pity and loneliness.

But what is strange is that I’m starting to become weaker: for this holiday break we are traveling. I was extremely anxious the entire plane ride and if I didn’t distract myself adequately, I would’ve had a panic attack even before takeoff. Throughout the flight I was fiercely battling my own mind. I’ve never had that before or had a fear of planes whatsoever. 
In general, I think I got so used to being anxious during the relationship that any tiny fear or thought leads to others and I can get in a rabbit hole of anxiety at random moments of the day. Even just doing nothing or even when I’m enjoying myself I get bouts of dread and mild anxiety. I really don’t know what to make of this. Someone shed some light on this? Feel free to ask questions. 
🤍

[Batya33]

Are you sleeping enough, drinking enough water and not drinking sodas/sugary drinks (so are  you drinking 8-10 plus glasses of water a day?) -are you eating properly?  Also try 4-7-8 breathing -google the weil method.  Start with the boring basics.

I think often this sort of huge life change can wreak havoc on even routine stuff or stuff that doesn't trigger fear.  When I had a baby all of a sudden I couldn't fall asleep normally even if baby was fine/sleeping - like I lost the ability to wind down and get into sleep mode -I was on high alert.  (I even posted about it here years ago).  When I get overwhelmed at work - like on an intense out of nowhere deadline- I make really silly mistakes in my personal life -I get klutzy, forget my daily routine, feel like I need to check twice if I closed the fridge, worry about silly stuff I never worry about.  

When we travel I feel really out of my comfort zone and need extra comforting rituals/mantras to keep me balanced -it rocks my world.  This is rocking your world for now.  I know it's upsetting but yes I think it's normal for now . Certainly if it persists for months I'd look further into it. 

[remerz]

11 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Are you sleeping enough, drinking enough water and not drinking sodas/sugary drinks (so are  you drinking 8-10 plus glasses of water a day?) -are you eating properly?  Also try 4-7-8 breathing -google the weil method.  Start with the boring basics.

I think often this sort of huge life change can wreak havoc on even routine stuff or stuff that doesn't trigger fear.  When I had a baby all of a sudden I couldn't fall asleep normally even if baby was fine/sleeping - like I lost the ability to wind down and get into sleep mode -I was on high alert.  (I even posted about it here years ago).  When I get overwhelmed at work - like on an intense out of nowhere deadline- I make really silly mistakes in my personal life -I get klutzy, forget my daily routine, feel like I need to check twice if I closed the fridge, worry about silly stuff I never worry about.  

When we travel I feel really out of my comfort zone and need extra comforting rituals/mantras to keep me balanced -it rocks my world.  This is rocking your world for now.  I know it's upsetting but yes I think it's normal for now . Certainly if it persists for months I'd look further into it. 

Makes sense, I’ll try to drink more water. I think the main issue is the sleep. I’ve never been able to sleep well, since childhood, but especially nowadays. Even right now, it’s 7 am and I’m awake lol. Last week I went through a phase where I had vertigo and was doing epley maneuvers from home: was also waking up very very fatigued. It’s beyond frustrating. 

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, remerz said:

Makes sense, I’ll try to drink more water. I think the main issue is the sleep. I’ve never been able to sleep well, since childhood, but especially nowadays. Even right now, it’s 7 am and I’m awake lol. Last week I went through a phase where I had vertigo and was doing epley maneuvers from home: was also waking up very very fatigued. It’s beyond frustrating. 

I'm so sorry. What time do you turn off your phone/devices and what time are you in bed? I get up way before 7 but go to sleep early.  When I used  to get up at 7 I did my best to be in bed by 11.  These days I try to have my phone shut off before 9PM.  I'll watch a little TV but that's it- no computer either for the most part.

[catfeeder]

Might you consider working with a therapist or an MD to treat generalized anxiety?

GA is when we grow so accustomed to carrying around a tight stomach or a tension in the body that we no longer recognize our anxiety as a constant state. Then the slightest trigger can set it off, and bigger symptoms become apparent.

You've spent a year and a half tap-dancing for an unloving BF. That's a chronic state of anxiety right there. When it becomes habitual, and it can take some help and investment in awareness and deliberate relaxation to work through it.

You can research techniques for this, but I've found it helpful to address it during both daylight and sleeping hours. I did some list writing to identify core causes of my stress. I had to think through all of my first-guess causes to neutralize those, and then identify what's behind those that I'm really afraid of. Then I came up with some comforting ways to neutralize those.

In some cases this meant playing through worst cases scenarios to develop a plan A and sometimes a contingency as to how I would handle those outcomes if I ever needed to. Writing these down helped me to let go of them safely to avoid holding onto them to remember them.

I also practiced a form of breathing called 'square breathing' during low-anxiety times so that I could get good enough at it to perform it during times of high stress. Knowing that I could reach for this method to slow my heart rate during anxiety highs was a mental safety net that made a 'need' to use the breathing rare.

Sometimes just becoming aware that we are creating a stressful state as our foundation can help to move us out of that state with practice. We don't need to shoot for perfection, but we can unlock our own cage, so to speak.

As for night time, a combo of two methods helped. First, I'd bring an old spiral notebook to bed and empty my mind. Could be a grocery list, could be a to do list, could be a pretend letter to someone who offended me--just stuff I didn't want to waste my sleep time holding onto. Knowing I had paper by the bed helped if I awakened with a thought to jot down.

Second, I'd run (and still do) an 8 hour long sleep meditation from YouTube, with the device facing away from me and far enough away from my body to avoid its energy. Two favorites are Dauchsey meditations and John Moyer. These are not the subliminal stuff like rain or music that would allow my mind to spin into rumination, but rather, these are guided hypnosis sessions on the topic of your choice.

I'd also remind myself that carrying anxiety around for the day is exhausting, and this gave me permission to let go of everything and rest. I suggest to my brain before sleep that any necessary 'processing' should happen in the background so that the front of my mind can rest. If anything important shakes out of that, I can write it down in the morning.

Most important thing: I dropped all caffeine. When I switched from regular coffee to decaf, I felt immediate results, like someone had given me a mild sedative. I quickly started feeling like 'myself' again.

Head high, hang in there, and write more if it helps.

[boltnrun]

I suddenly couldn't do things I normally thought nothing of doing before. I was terrified of driving on the freeway by myself, for example. The pandemic really got to me and I got really, really bad. I didn't want to be afraid of everything so I made an appointment with both a psychiatrist and a psychologist. With medication and weekly therapy sessions I am much better now. I'm off the meds now and just do monthly therapy.

It's not unusual for a major event to trigger anxiety. A breakup certainly applies. 

I would keep an eye on things and if it continues or gets worse, maybe consider working with a therapist. 

[Wiseman2]

On 12/26/2022 at 7:45 AM, remerz said:

 I went through a phase where I had vertigo and was doing epley maneuvers from home: was also waking up very very fatigued. 

It would be best to get an evaluation for your physical and mental health. Get some tests done. Please don't use home remedies for this. A glass of water is not a sufficient way to address mental and physical health concerns. Get a proper work up.

Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Keep in mind many physical and mental health issues can be intertwined as far as symptoms and causes. That's the first place to start. 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

A glass of water is not a sufficient way to address mental and physical health concerns. Get a proper work up.

I think it's essential to do both. Not a glass of water - that's a silly way to sum up taking care of oneself IMO-a wholesale back to basics inventory of the basics -is the person drinking enough water, sleeping enough, exercising enough -any good doctor will ask all those questions off the bat (mine does at my annual physical as part of a comprehensive wellness check so I imagine if something is wrong you need to check all the basics first).

  It's not just about having a glass of water or taking deep breaths. It's about incorporating basic wellness into your daily routine and making it a lifestyle - like you wouldn't go a day without teeth brushing you never skip enough water, sleep habits so you're getting enough, regular exercise so you are reasonably fit and at a healthful weight.  All the talk therapy and meds in the world won't make any long term or signfiicant changes i the person is treating his or her body like a garbage heap.

[remerz]

Thank you all for your input. You’re very kind and I appreciate it. 💙

[Wiseman2]

On 12/26/2022 at 7:45 AM, remerz said:

 I had vertigo and was doing  was also waking up very very fatigued. 

While breakups hurt and there will be some not feeling great or down in the dumps times, fatigue, insomnia and vertigo need a medical workup.

[SherrySher]

You have been dealing with anxiety and stress for a very long time now due to your relationship.

You've stated your relationship was tumultuous, that kind of stress will put a person on edge constantly waiting for the next disaster to happen.

When the anxiety and stress go on for a long period like that, it can develop into long term issues.

I am not saying it has, but it's a possibility. The best person to ask would be your doctor who can give you more help and advice on the matter.

When you already had long term stress and anxiety, you now are also dealing with the break up of the relationship.

This has added even more stress and anxiety.

When the mind is overloaded with anxiety, it struggles to deal with it.

Picture a barrel that is filling with rain water each time something stressful has occurred, and if enough anxiety has happened, the barrel will overflow.

The good news is, it can be reversed.

Try to have the least amount of stress in your life as you can right now.

You are also mourning the relationship, so be gentle on yourself and give yourself time.

Then you can work on learning new coping methods when dealing with anxiety.

Speaking to a counsellor, or therapist can help with that.

And lastly, hopefully you've learn lessons from this break up on what you want in a relationship and what you don't want.

What red flags to look out for, so that you won't find yourself in another stressful relationship as this last one was.

Good luck, I wish you the best.