Narc ex's new supply

[Elaine1234]

His birthday was recently. I was afraid to look at his FB. I just knew they were going to do something nice for his birthday. I looked (stupid me) and I was right but it is even more hurtful than I thought.  

 

They are in Florida (a place he always wanted to go). Apparently, she footed the bill for the trip.  

 

So, last week she paid for half of the camper he always wanted and now this weekend they are on a nice trip.

 

I guess discarding me for her was truly beneficial for him. I couldn't (or wouldn't) do those things financially. 

 

She is just so happy she landed a "good guy." Maybe he really is nice and just treated me like crap because I wasn't worthy.

 

I want her to get devalued and discarded like me but doesn't look that way. 

 

In the 9 months they have been together (he was with me 4+ years and he discarded me in March.  He was officially in a relationship with her 3 days later), they have gone on local trips, moved in together, bought a camper together and now a nice vacation to Florida. 

 

I guess he did right by throwing me away. His life is so much better now.

 

When is her devaluation and discard?  Did he go from mean to perfect overnight for her?  Why is she so special? 😔

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Elaine1234 said:

I guess discarding me for her was truly beneficial for him. I want her to get devalued and discarded like me but doesn't look that way. I guess he did right by throwing me away. His life is so much better now. When is her devaluation and discard?   Why is she so special? 😔

Sorry this happened. How long ago did you break up? How old is he? What was the breakup about? Did he cheat?

Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps.

Try not to use psychobabble about "narcissists" such as "discard". Think of it as dodging a bullet not being a bad poker hand of his. Stop revolving your life, worth and feelings around him.

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Elaine1234 said:

She is just so happy she landed a "good guy." Maybe he really is nice and just treated me like crap because I wasn't worthy.

 

I wouldnt say stuff like this

1 hour ago, Elaine1234 said:

I want her to get devalued and discarded like me but doesn't look that way. 

 

Or stuff like this.

For all you know, she could be just another victim of his manipulation. And its not nice of you to wish bad on somebody. Be better. Wish all the best to exes(like they are dead people) even if they were bad to you and just say that they are somebody else problem now.

On the other hand, the range of your emotions shows that you didnt nearly get over it. Looking at pictures of them doesnt do you any good. If you have trouble with that, just block them. No need to look how their life is going after break up, its detriental for you. You broke up 6+ months ago. You need to be on the way of acceptance and moving on. And not looking at his pictures wishing all the worst. And not to him but to his new girlfriend. Again, not a good look and you need to fix that.

[smackie9]

1 hour ago, Elaine1234 said:

His birthday was recently. I was afraid to look at his FB. I just knew they were going to do something nice for his birthday. I looked (stupid me) and I was right but it is even more hurtful than I thought.  

 

They are in Florida (a place he always wanted to go). Apparently, she footed the bill for the trip.  

 

So, last week she paid for half of the camper he always wanted and now this weekend they are on a nice trip.

 

I guess discarding me for her was truly beneficial for him. I couldn't (or wouldn't) do those things financially. 

 

She is just so happy she landed a "good guy." Maybe he really is nice and just treated me like crap because I wasn't worthy.

 

I want her to get devalued and discarded like me but doesn't look that way. 

 

In the 9 months they have been together (he was with me 4+ years and he discarded me in March.  He was officially in a relationship with her 3 days later), they have gone on local trips, moved in together, bought a camper together and now a nice vacation to Florida. 

 

I guess he did right by throwing me away. His life is so much better now.

 

When is her devaluation and discard?  Did he go from mean to perfect overnight for her?  Why is she so special? 😔

In time it will probably happen to her too. You thought he was a good guy at one time right? 

[DarkCh0c0]

3 hours ago, Elaine1234 said:

In the 9 months they have been together (he was with me 4+ years and he discarded me in March.  He was officially in a relationship with her 3 days later), they have gone on local trips, moved in together, bought a camper together and now a nice vacation to Florida. 

Red flag. She could very well be a rebound.

And honestly, don't think the way he treated you won't apply to her. They might look great on pictures, but you don't know the behind the scenes. If his manipulation stopped working with you, he went to another victim. And the fact SHE bought him that thing, shows very well how she is more likely swept by him and is manipulated by him. 

Block and delete him completely from your social media. It's time to discard this junk and start afresh with men who treat you right as you deserve.

You are worthy of better. Believe in yourself. I'm sorry, but you need to move on to better.

[Cynder]

Think of this... they haven't been together that long and she's already spending all this money on him. She's obviously an insecure person. 

She will get used up and thrown out like garbage by him, too.  That's what they do. 

My ex has been "So in love" with at least two people in the year that has passed since she left me.  (I'm sure there have been more.  I removed myself from the equation 6 months ago and no longer know what is going on in her life.

The connections they develop with people are very shallow.  And keep in mind, toxic people like this don't target losers.  They aim high.  They go after good looking successful people because that's what they want to be associated with.  So, try to remember there's nothing wrong with you.  He is the problem. 

[moodindigo91]

4 hours ago, Elaine1234 said:

Maybe he really is nice and just treated me like crap because I wasn't worthy.

 

I want her to get devalued and discarded like me but doesn't look that way. 

I'm sorry this happened to you. I understand how you're feeling. I was in a relationship with an abusive ex for like 6 years. We lived together, had a dog, etc. He left me for another woman, who he is now (seemingly) happily married to. When I first discovered they were married, I was very upset. 

That being said, I think that there are some red flags in the way you think. First of all, you feel discarded, which is totally normal, however, wanting someone else you don't even know to experience that same pain just by virtue of the fact that they are dating your ex, in my opinion, is not normal. That can be a slippery slope that will ultimately be harmful only to you. 

You should seek out therapy to work out your emotions surrounding your feelings of abandonment. Those feelings are likely not rooted in your relationship with your ex, but rather in some kind of childhood trauma. People get into and leave relationships all the time. Sometimes they do it in poor ways, and I understand it is hard not to take it personally, but you really can't and shouldn't take it personally. It has nothing to do with your value as a person. It has more to do with your compatibility as a couple. 

Your ex is just more compatible with his current partner. That might be a tough pill to swallow, but once you accept that, and realize that it isn't personal to you and that sometimes relationships just end or feelings dissipate over time, you'll have a much better mindset. 

I sought out and received virtual therapy both when I left my toxic relationship of 6 years and also when my most recent ex literally abandoned me over night (we also lived together and I thought we were happy until one day he broke up with me, packed up his belongings and drove away). That breakup REALLY triggered my abandonment issues. The therapy was super helpful. I think you really need to get some external help to understand why you feel these things and to develop coping mechanisms, as this kind of thing (breakups) may occur several more times in the future before you find the one who sticks. 

Finally, please, please, please block him on Facebook. DO NOT look at his social media. You are hurting only yourself. Why prolong the mental anguish? Think of it like a physical injury. If you broke a bone, would you continue using it as if it were not broken? Never receive treatment? Probably not. So stop aggravating your injury by looking at his social media and seek treatment to help you cope.

 

Wishing you the best ❤️ 

[Cherylyn]

I agree with others, block and delete him so he will be "out of sight,  out of mind."  Move on with your life.

[MissCanuck]

Focus less on what they are doing, and more on what you are doing. 

Why are you tracking them like this? What does is serve you? It is not making you feel better. You are your own worst enemy right now. 

Be your own best friend and block each and every point of contact with him. And start working on your self-worth so you don't fall into trap of picking your own wound by following their relationship.