Apparently said a random man’s name in my sleep. Partner is angry at me

[Heartbrokenchick]

I’m a serial sleep talker & have night terrors, they’re out of my control. I often see things that aren’t there, at times it can be terrifying. I’m prone to this more when I’m exhausted and have had minimal sleep. My partner is well aware of this and has made me feel terrible about something that is out of my control.

I tried to pull the moves on my partner prior to sleep but he was not interested. I dozed off to what seemed like twilight sleep next to my partner. Apparently I mentioned another man’s name and said they’re so hard. I do not recall saying another man’s name however I do recall saying the last part as I was slowly opening my eyes & thought I saw my partner “hard”. 
I’ve never cheated on my partner (we have children and are building a life together) but he has blown my head off, implied I’ve cheated and left to go sleep on the couch.

the same name I apparently mentioned also is the name of his boss who I have never met. We have been discussing this person on 3 seperate occasions today.

not really sure how to tackle this one as I’m actually shocked by the way he has reacted when he knows I cannot control what I say and do in my sleep.
I understand from my partners point of view but he should know me.

[DarkCh0c0]

5 minutes ago, Heartbrokenchick said:

I’m a serial sleep talker & have night terrors, they’re out of my control.

Have you sought therapy for this? It might be related to childhood trauma. It must be stressful for you to have this and subject your partner to some of it.

Probably waking him up often at night has gotten the best of him, but he might go back to his senses with some time.

6 minutes ago, Heartbrokenchick said:

My partner is well aware of this and has made me feel terrible about something that is out of my control.

This is very concerning. That's not how a loving and understanding partner would act. How is he in the relationship otherwise? Does he support you to be the best version of yourself? Does he share household chores? Do you guys still go on dates?

[Heartbrokenchick]

He is a great partner, has supported our family financially, helps around the house and is a very hard worker. 

[Heartbrokenchick]

5 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Have you sought therapy for this? It might be related to childhood trauma. It must be stressful for you to have this and subject your partner to some of it.

Probably waking him up often at night has gotten the best of him, but he might go back to his senses with some time.

This is very concerning. That's not how a loving and understanding partner would act. How is he in the relationship otherwise? Does he support you to be the best version of yourself? Does he share household chores? Do you guys still go on dates?

Yes it is definitely childhood trauma related and it will be something I’m going to address professional. 

[Seraphim]

Great partner doesn’t belittle you for night terrors or talking while sleeping. I am sorry they don’t . I would refuse to sleep in the same space as him because it isn’t safe . 

[DarkCh0c0]

28 minutes ago, Heartbrokenchick said:

Yes it is definitely childhood trauma related and it will be something I’m going to address professional

Definitely. Please do. Shop around for 2-3 trauma-informed therapists until you find the right one who nudges you to a healing direction.

But, please note the way he treats you reg. your night terrors is not kind nor supportive. If you wake up terrified and he makes you feel bad about it instead of hugging you or checking in on you, ooff you have a big problem. You're supposed to be a team together. And, I get that it must take a toll on him, but his reaction is way off.

[Heartbrokenchick]

11 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Great partner doesn’t belittle you for night terrors or talking while sleeping. I am sorry they don’t . I would refuse to sleep in the same space as him because it isn’t safe . 

I never really thought about it in that way. But you make a good point 

[Lambert]

1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

Great partner doesn’t belittle you for night terrors or talking while sleeping. I am sorry they don’t . I would refuse to sleep in the same space as him because it isn’t safe . 

This bears repeating.

I would be very honest with him that this reaction is completely out if line, not what I expect from someone that loves me and I'm very hurt by this.  

I certainly would not apologize.

It would be on him to realize where he needs to apologize to you, in order to fix this. 

He is creating a problem... why?  does he enjoy being mad? the victim and making you the guilty party? 

[smackie9]

We all dream things that are not our reality. Ask him, has he ever had dreams of people he wouldn't even consider romantically? If he says no, he's $%^&*@ lying. We all have experienced this. It's fact that we don't have control over our dreams, AND it's also fact we don't always remember what we had dreamed about. I get it, it would startle anyone to hear something like that, and to feel a bit hurt. Maybe he's had bad experiences with a partner cheating on him and it just triggered something. I think with some honest conversation this can be ironed out in no time. 

[moodindigo91]

His anger about it and his quickness to mistrust you is concerning. Obviously I can't say this is true here, but often times when partners react in such a way to such things, it's because they're not being trustworthy themselves. 

I can understand why he might be concerned but it should have been a relatively easy thing to clear up without resorting to anger. 

[MissCanuck]

If I were you, I would be a lot more concerned by his over-the-top reaction and punitive behaviour. 

It is manipulative and clearly shows you how little he thinks of you, since he apparently believes you are the sort of woman who screws around on her partner. Think about that. I think there is something more to his reaction than your supposed sleep-talking. 

How has your relationship been lately? Has he ever displayed signs of irrational jealousy before, or given you a reason not to trust him? Sometimes the people who suddenly make cheating accusations are projecting because they are the ones behaving badly. 

[jul-els]

Being angry with you for something you dreamt is very unreasonable and irrational on his part. He may want to go to therapy as well to get help with his own insecurity and anger issues. If you can’t have an open and respectful discussion about it with him, then he isn’t the great partner you think he is. 

[Heartbrokenchick]

On 10/19/2022 at 3:56 PM, MissCanuck said:How has your relationship been lately? Has he ever displayed signs of irrational jealousy before, or given you a reason not to trust him? Sometimes the people who suddenly make cheating accusations are projecting because they are the ones behaving badly. 

Yes he very jealous even though I’m 100% faithful and always will be