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I told my coworker about my feelings, and this is how it played out (Update to my original post).


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Hey everyone

 

So my original post was basically this: Met a girl that's replacing me at work, we were both very flirtatious at work, but outside of work she was very cold and I didn't know how to go from there.

So basically here's how things played out - I told her my feelings. I sat down with her, told her I feel very strong feelings for her and that I want to go out for drinks, dinner, or even just a walk. Basically any sort of time outside of work. Her response to me was something along the lines of this: Temporarycontrol...I have a boyfriend. I'm very happy with him, and I love him. But I'm also very attracted to you, and it's not just in your head what happened. We have great chemistry, I was drawn to you the first day I met you, and I love being around you as well. I find myself thinking about you a lot. I'm a little confused about things, but I can't leave my boyfriend. If this was at any other point in time, I'd say lets go for it, but I just can't do anything about this.

I didn't push anything further, and said that at this point its probably best if we don't communicate any further as I don't want to be a wedge between her and her boyfriend. We hugged, said our goodbyes. A few days later we sent a few more harmless texts to each other, and she said she misses my friendship, but because she's recently divorced and in a new relationship she doesn't want to mess things up as she's very happy right now and she feels guilty for speaking to me, and I told her I'm happy for her and that if she needs anything to contact me, but we can't be friends. 

I'm leaving for another company in the same field, but in our line of work I know we'll run into each other maybe every 5-6 months for a few weeks at a time. 

Back to finding a partner, I guess.

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2 minutes ago, temporarycontrol said:

..I have a boyfriend. I'm very happy with him, and I love him. I didn't push anything further

I'm leaving for another company in the same field, but in our line of work I know we'll run into each other maybe every 5-6 months for a few weeks at a time. 

It's good she spoke up and things are clear now. Good luck on the new job. But this time, get on some good dating apps rather than asking coworkers out.

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Hmm,

I wonder what her boyfriend would've thought if he'd been a fly on the wall all those weeks she put her head on your chest and squeezed her legs between yours. She's finally doing the right thing now, though still could've handled it even better than she has.

And yet in hindsight, you seem not to see the forest for the trees, unable to see that a person like that isn't an ideal partner when she crosses relationship boundaries like this. You seem as though you're disappointed and are paying no mind to her inappropriate behavior, showing she has no respect for her boyfriend and the sanctity of their relationship. Maybe she did the same thing to her husband, and it's the reason for her divorce?

For your own good, I hope you learn to spot these red flags when looking for another dating prospect.

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27 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Agree with Andrina.  Wow you dodged a bullet.  Even if she ends things with her boyfriend you'll be wondering whose legs she's dilly dallying with at work.

I agree with you guys. Looking back now, yeah maybe I dodged a bullet. I just haven't had a real relationship in maybe....10+ years and I just craved human connection with someone I thought was incredibly attractive and funny and smart. But the more I think about it now, the more I realize that these are red flags I need to avoid. 

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5 hours ago, temporarycontrol said:

I agree with you guys. Looking back now, yeah maybe I dodged a bullet. I just haven't had a real relationship in maybe....10+ years and I just craved human connection with someone I thought was incredibly attractive and funny and smart. But the more I think about it now, the more I realize that these are red flags I need to avoid. 

I agree with the others. Avoid people like this. You can do better.

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As Ive told you, "The Teaser". Fine with rubbing your leg, but when "the push comes to shove" its always something. Like she couldnt disclose the boyfriend when she talked to you about all those guy troubles she has. Or when you asked her to meet her before. 

Also, forgot to ask, what is the guy troubles she has? Is it the classic "All the wrong guys go after me"?

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I don't think she's a bad person. She's recently divorced, and I don't think she has had enough time to figure herself out. Maybe she's trying her best to convince herself her BF is the best choice for her. She will have to take some time out to reflect on what has happened then go from there. 

I hope you will find that same magic with someone soon but not with someone you work with. That can cause some real issues down the road. 

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