Family and Life Updates

[Batya33]

I hope you feel better soon!

[boltnrun]

I was too late.  We lost her early this morning before I even left for the hospital.  Even before I got up this morning.

I am letting you all know because you have been so kind and generous with your prayers.  Thank you for that.

[Seraphim]

Oh I am so so so sorry. I will continue to pray for all of you and her child and husband. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

Oh I am so so so sorry. I will continue to pray for all of you and her child and husband. 

I am so sorry for your and your family’s loss. May her memory be for a blessing. 

[itsallgrand]

I am so sorry. Sending lots of love your way. ❤️

[boltnrun]

Thank you 💙

[boltnrun]

Listen, everyone.  If you have a medical condition and your doctor advises you to watch your diet and/or exercise or prescribes medication, FOLLOW THEIR ADVICE.  No, "I'm too tired to cook" or "I'm too tired to go for a walk" or "this medication makes me groggy or makes me gain weight".  Eff that.  Think about the people who love you and who depend on you and don't be selfish or lazy.  

I'm grieving, but I'm also pissed as hell because there's an eight year old little boy who has to grow up without his mother because she didn't take her medication consistently and she didn't watch her diet and she didn't exercise.  Yes, she worked hard to support him and she loved him dearly. I'm never going to say she didn't.  But she needed to do more to take care of herself and she didn't do that.  And now she's gone, stolen from us.

Forget about being "too tired" to make a healthy meal and ordering pizza instead, or about gaining a few pounds from your medication, or not exercising because you don't feel like it.  Think about those you'd be leaving behind who will end hurting and trying to make sense out of you not being here anymore.  I hate it and it sucks.

[Jaunty]

I'm really sorry for your loss.

 

[boltnrun]

I'm having a really hard time focusing on work. I'm working from home today but tomorrow I have to go into the office. Just feel a constant heavy sadness. It doesn't help that I have strong cold symptoms. 

Nothing yet about services. I only got a "thank you" text in response to my text to her husband offering support and help with making arrangements.  I can't force him to do anything, of course. He's reeling far more than I am, I'm sure. 

[Seraphim]

Would your employer give you any personal days ? I realize they don’t offer bereavement time for extended relatives. 

[boltnrun]

14 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Would your employer give you any personal days ? I realize they don’t offer bereavement time for extended relatives. 

Since I am the sole support of myself I can't afford to take any unpaid personal days. I should be able to take a couple of days of paid bereavement leave to attend the services. 

[Seraphim]

I am so sorry. I wish there was paid leave for bereavement. It would help makes people’s lives more liveable . 

[boltnrun]

The bereavement leave is paid. Personal leave is not unless I use accrued vacation. 

[Seraphim]

23 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

The bereavement leave is paid. Personal leave is not unless I use accrued vacation. 

 But it is just for the service ,correct ? That isn’t really a lot of time. I felt I took too little time off when my dad died and when my step dad died. I should have taken more time . I kind of underestimated my ability to hold things together. 

[boltnrun]

No exact time frame is set in stone, but generally it's for the day of the viewing and the day of the service. And if you need to travel to get to the location that is usually added on. We don't get paid for any additional time unless we use accrued vacation. 

[Seraphim]

5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

No exact time frame is set in stone, but generally it's for the day of the viewing and the day of the service. And if you need to travel to get to the location that is usually added on. We don't get paid for any additional time unless we use accrued vacation. 

That is still such little time . It is sad. 
My husband was given two weeks I think when his dad died . 

[boltnrun]

Two weeks paid? That is very generous and I'm sure he appreciated it. But that was an immediate family member. My cousin unfortunately isn't categorized as immediate family. 

I haven't been told anything about when services might take place but she only passed away yesterday. So I imagine I'll hear something in the next day or two. 

[Seraphim]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Two weeks paid? That is very generous and I'm sure he appreciated it. But that was an immediate family member. My cousin unfortunately isn't categorized as immediate family. 

I haven't been told anything about when services might take place but she only passed away yesterday. So I imagine I'll hear something in the next day or two. 

Yes, my husband as a government employee is paid 365 days a year as he can be asked to work any of those days and he can’t refuse. 
 

I took 3 days when my dad died and like two my step dad died and as I am self employed no pay . My husband got a week when my dad died and a week when my step dad died . That galled me … lol. 
 

I hope you get the time off . Of course it will take much longer to learn to live without her . 

[boltnrun]

Thank you. Yes, I will get paid bereavement, probably two days depending on when the services take place. 

[boltnrun]

I'm having a really, really hard time focusing at work. I already made one mistake this morning (fortunately it was on my timecard and not on an actual work task). But my work is so critical. I'm afraid of making a mistake that will have a bad impact on a build. 

I just can't focus and this is extremely out of character for me. I'm just so overwhelmed with sadness. 

[boltnrun]

Because I don't have enough going on in my life that's bad, some stupid woman who was talking on her cell phone instead of paying attention to her driving ran over a piece of tire tread and her car tossed it right in front of my car, which resulted in me running it over and causing a ton of damage to the front of my car.  And I just got my car back after someone tried to steal it.  AFTER I just bought it.

I can't buy a break.

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Because I don't have enough going on in my life that's bad, some stupid woman who was talking on her cell phone instead of paying attention to her driving ran over a piece of tire tread and her car tossed it right in front of my car, which resulted in me running it over and causing a ton of damage to the front of my car.  And I just got my car back after someone tried to steal it.  AFTER I just bought it.

I can't buy a break.

Wishing  you a better day today.  I'm really sorry!!

[boltnrun]

4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Wishing  you a better day today.  I'm really sorry!!

Thank you.

I thought about contacting my former psychologist because I am feeling super down and a bit overwhelmed with all that's been going on.  I don't have any appetite and I haven't felt like going on my walks (although I still go).  I have cold symptoms I can't shake (tested negative for Covid).  And you know how they say you find out things about people once they've passed away, things you never knew?  Well, that's happening now.  And they're not good things.  It doesn't change my love for this person but it definitely changes my perception. It makes me wish she was still alive so I could talk to her and try to help guide her to a different life path.  Her husband is floundering, unable to afford to bury her (so my brother is very kindly and generously offering to pay), unable to afford rent or child care for their son, dealing with the issues they caused over the past few years.  It's just a big mess.  And on top of grieving for her, worrying about my godson, wondering what's going to happen to him and to my other cousin (the cousin who passed away's brother who needs lifelong care), now I have to get my car repaired although it's not something that needs to happen right away thankfully.  Unfortunately my former psychologist only does appointments on Thursdays and I have to work in the office on Thursdays, and I am not going to ask for anymore special treatment from my manager.  He's been more than patient with me and I am not going to take advantage of him. 

I have been talking a lot to my brother and my other cousin so that helps.

[Batya33]

I can't imagine how overwhelming this all must feel - I'm glad you're considering contacting your psychologist -you are so good at taking care of yourself in this way.  I hope you feel better. Maybe force yourself to do a shorter walk?

[boltnrun]

7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I can't imagine how overwhelming this all must feel - I'm glad you're considering contacting your psychologist -you are so good at taking care of yourself in this way.  I hope you feel better. Maybe force yourself to do a shorter walk?

I still do the same walks as always, I'm just more having to talk myself into going whereas before I would practically run out the door eagerly.   I am fortunate to live in a lovely area where I have the choice to walk along wide, tree lined streets with beautiful historic homes in various styles, a bluff path overlooking the ocean, a beach path, a boardwalk next to the open ocean, or a nearby neighborhood that has charming shops and restaurants.  That's the reason I haven't moved closer to work; this can't be replicated anywhere else unless I pay double the rent.

But all of these things that have happened plus not feeling physically well makes me just want to sit at home distracting myself with this forum or watching YouTube videos. Or playing Candy Crush lol.  Talk about a time killer!