I almost feel trapped and idk how it happened?

[Therevenant]

So my gf and I have been together for almost two years; and we're both mainly homebodies but my gf does go out 90 percent of Friday nights. With her female coworkers and I trust her no problem there I think. Well she already goes out Friday nights and as of now the last 4 Saturdays shes been wanting to go out with her friends or cousin. (Also female.) So she get her time out and she has a hard job so she deserves it. That said, now the problem. I don't know how it happened, I guess just one "no" or the right excuse at a time but I haven't been out in a year, with anyone except her.. the only time I actually get out is if I go to the gym. But even then she's like "okay so you'll be home in like what? An hour and a half?" Like I can feel she doesn't want me to leave and once I really thought about it today, she's turned every time I wanted to go out except once and I was there for 30 minutes.. So I finally told her look, I feel like you get to "tell" me when you're going out but I have to "ask" and you always say no. And she stayed silent for a few seconds then said "aww babe I'm sorry.. you can go out too if that's what you want to do." Cool she said that but honestly I feel like she was very hesitant and tense when she said it. She's not good with confrontation so it could be the way I brought it up but I really don't know where she really sits. Anyway she told me shes going out this Saturday night and so I'm finally like *** it I'm gonna go out too then, my dad wants to watch the kid and I deserve it seeing I haven't been out in over a year. I'm afraid though, alot of times when one person starts the whole "weLL If You'Re GoInG oUT Then So Am I?!" Thing it just makes *** worse. Even if I'm doing it just this once. Obviously I won't say it like that but I feel like that's how she's gonna take it. I'm mad though, she never invites me out but then she'll show up at home and tell me about what so and so's boyfriend did or said.? So everyone else can invite their boyfriend except you?? I only get invites to family things. Last time I tried to go out she tried to invite herself like "aw your gonna go play pool? Lucky!! I wanna come! You never take me to play pool?" Like oh okay?.  you never bring me with but I gotta bring you?? *** nah right?? Either way y'all think me going out is a good idea or a bad, I know this may seem silly but I feel like this gonna make her want to go out more or I'm gonna come home and she's gonna be mad at me. Idk maybe I shouldn't go out? I just got this weird feeling *** ain't gonna be cool, like she's pretending she wants me to go out. Girls where you think her head is at? What would you do if it was me?

[Wiseman2]

27 minutes ago, Therevenant said:

.Anyway she told me shes going out this Saturday night and so I'm finally like *** it I'm gonna go out too then, my dad wants to watch the kid 

Sorry this is happening. How long have you lived together? It seems like you're in a boring rut.

Do you have a child together or is "the kid" yours from a previous relationship?

It's unclear why you choose to be a homebody. Do you work from home? 

It's also unclear why you choose not to have date nights or go out as a couple more often.

After 2 years dating, it's already falling apart.  Are you both broke or why can't you get babysitters and go out?

[Jibralta]

15 hours ago, Therevenant said:

Anyway she told me shes going out this Saturday night and so I'm finally like *** it I'm gonna go out too then, my dad wants to watch the kid and I deserve it seeing I haven't been out in over a year. I'm afraid though, alot of times when one person starts the whole "weLL If You'Re GoInG oUT Then So Am I?!"

That made me laugh.

But seriously, you should be able to go out as well.

15 hours ago, Therevenant said:

So I finally told her look, I feel like you get to "tell" me when you're going out but I have to "ask" and you always say no. And she stayed silent for a few seconds then said "aww babe I'm sorry.. you can go out too if that's what you want to do." Cool she said that but honestly I feel like she was very hesitant and tense when she said it.

She might be hesitant and tense, but I think you should take her at her word. Go out and and give her a chance to act right about it. If she has a problem, it's another discussion. You might go back and forth about this a couple of times. Talk it out. Eventually, you will come to the root of the problem. Maybe it's something you can solve, maybe it's not. But if you care about each other, you should go through the process of figuring this stuff out.

[catfeeder]

20 hours ago, Therevenant said:

Cool she said that but honestly I feel like she was very hesitant and tense when she said it.

Likely because she recognized that you were right.

I'd stop second guessing and do what you want to do. If she has a problem with it, cross that bridge when you get there.

In that case, point out the double standard, and tell her that you won't accept a problem with you doing exactly as she does.

[MissCanuck]

There's more going on here than the fact that you evidently have no social life anymore. 

That in and of itself is not good, and you need to spread your wings a bit whether she likes it or not. She has a double standard if she's always out and you're just sitting at home doing nothing. Which brings me to the next concerning point:

21 hours ago, Therevenant said:

she never invites me out but then she'll show up at home and tell me about what so and so's boyfriend did or said.? So everyone else can invite their boyfriend except you?? I only get invites to family things

You are being excluded. And she appears to be keeping you away from her friends, for some reason. That's not to say she needs to invite you all the time, but it is troubling to me that she never seems to want you there. Have you asked her about this? And have you met her friends? 

21 hours ago, Therevenant said:

my dad wants to watch the kid

So, the two of you have a child together?

May I ask how old you and she both are? 

[Rose Mosse]

On 2/19/2022 at 1:07 AM, Therevenant said:

So my gf and I have been together for almost two years; and we're both mainly homebodies but my gf does go out 90 percent of Friday nights. With her female coworkers and I trust her no problem there I think. Well she already goes out Friday nights and as of now the last 4 Saturdays shes been wanting to go out with her friends or cousin. (Also female.) So she get her time out and she has a hard job so she deserves it. That said, now the problem. I don't know how it happened, I guess just one "no" or the right excuse at a time but I haven't been out in a year, with anyone except her.. the only time I actually get out is if I go to the gym. But even then she's like "okay so you'll be home in like what? An hour and a half?" Like I can feel she doesn't want me to leave and once I really thought about it today, she's turned every time I wanted to go out except once and I was there for 30 minutes.. So I finally told her look, I feel like you get to "tell" me when you're going out but I have to "ask" and you always say no. And she stayed silent for a few seconds then said "aww babe I'm sorry.. you can go out too if that's what you want to do." Cool she said that but honestly I feel like she was very hesitant and tense when she said it. She's not good with confrontation so it could be the way I brought it up but I really don't know where she really sits. Anyway she told me shes going out this Saturday night and so I'm finally like *** it I'm gonna go out too then, my dad wants to watch the kid and I deserve it seeing I haven't been out in over a year. I'm afraid though, alot of times when one person starts the whole "weLL If You'Re GoInG oUT Then So Am I?!" Thing it just makes *** worse. Even if I'm doing it just this once. Obviously I won't say it like that but I feel like that's how she's gonna take it. I'm mad though, she never invites me out but then she'll show up at home and tell me about what so and so's boyfriend did or said.? So everyone else can invite their boyfriend except you?? I only get invites to family things. Last time I tried to go out she tried to invite herself like "aw your gonna go play pool? Lucky!! I wanna come! You never take me to play pool?" Like oh okay?.  you never bring me with but I gotta bring you?? *** nah right?? Either way y'all think me going out is a good idea or a bad, I know this may seem silly but I feel like this gonna make her want to go out more or I'm gonna come home and she's gonna be mad at me. Idk maybe I shouldn't go out? I just got this weird feeling *** ain't gonna be cool, like she's pretending she wants me to go out. Girls where you think her head is at? What would you do if it was me?

Whose child is this? Yours and hers or just yours from a previous relationship? Is there an age gap? Her responses are quite sarcastic and passive aggressive. I hope she doesn’t actually talk like that to you on a regular basis. 

If the child is yours from another relationship, figure out appropriate child care and make your own plans. Mention them to her out of courtesy as you are in a relationship with this person. If she has anything to say, keep it short and go about your business. You’re taking a break because you’re interested in taking one or seeing your friends or family. You’re not taking a break to be vindictive and cause an argument. I’d make a note of any petty squabble or sarcasm from her if it keeps happening and end it if it continues. She’s not daft. She’s just immature. 

[smackie9]

Doing both is right...have quantity time together and have time to do your own thing. If it's just the guys, tell her that. It doesn't have to be the bar, it can be a sports night/ poker night at a friends house. If she complains, tell her you will make plans to do something with her, like go out for a dinner with another couple or whatever. make a compromise. Once that gets established, things should settle down. Worth a try anyways.

On the other side of the coin, IMO she is projecting. Whatever she's been doing out with the girlies, she doesn't want you doing. That's why she's uneasy. Just my observation.