Am I getting played?

[kaihi]

I met them two years ago and they were flirty, but never asked me out. Last year I followed them on social media and we talked a bit before they ghosted… for a year. Last week, they reached out and wanted to facetime. We’ve spent five days in a row facetiming for hours at night while watching movies and just talking. They mentioned “wanting to make this work” despite living in different states now. They went through and liked every post I had ever made on my social media. Last night they told me that they couldn’t wait to talk more tomorrow. Today rolls around and they’re sending me funny videos all day then when it comes down to FaceTiming, they say someone decided to visit them and they can’t talk for today, tomorrow, maybe next week… 
 

Am I getting played? I’ve wanted to be with this person for so long that I feel that might be clouding my judgement. I feel like it’s too early on to ask who the friend is/if I did anything wrong. Thank you in advance for any wisdom shared! 

[MissCanuck]

18 minutes ago, kaihi said:

Am I getting played?

Yes. 

This is not what the beginning of a decent relationship looks like. It's time to cut contact with this individual. 

[Wiseman2]

Is this a friend or someone you have a crush on? Were you co-workers or in college together.

Avoid long distance relationships. 

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting people you can date in real life.

Social media, texting, video chatting this much is just hiding behind a screen out of loneliness and boredom.

[Kwothe28]

Avoid flacky people in general. Because that kind of behavior you can expect from them if you get into relationship, to blow your phone one day and then to ghost you until they are probably with somebody else. 

I wouldnt say "played" in a sense that they just jerk you around and maybe dont want to be with you. But that is not somebody you should dedicate your time. Because it will not bring you good in a long track.

[Andrina]

So over a period of 3 years, they had three opportunities to ask you out and hasn't done so once. They might like an occasional ego boost from communicating with a fan, but that's as far as it'll ever go. Besides that, long distance is the hardest form of dating there is, and therefore has a low chance of success. It takes two people totally devoted and striving to close the distance within a year. 

Block them so you can emotionally move on, and as suggested, get off the computer and into the reality of finding a bf by going to meet up groups, or meet singles through volunteer work or a new hobby where many people your age participate. When you're hiding behind a computer screen and welcoming fantasy situations that never evolve into reality, you have to choose a more successful way to date. Are you emotionally ready to have a real live relationship locally?

[SooSad33]

Yeah, that's all a little heavy... to just burst into someone's life like that.

They've been hot & cold for a long time.

Now, it may be the same thing happening... so, stop wasting any more time & energy on people like this.

Move on & be done with this one, for good!

Look to date people closer to you and try to actually get to know them the real way. Actually meet, go on dates, etc.

 

[Rose Mosse]

Who is this person again? How did you meet and have you ever met this person in person? Or is it an internet entity? 

I’d distance myself and start being more present in local life. Get enough sleep, prepare good meals for yourself, live well and meet people in your town or city. 

It doesn’t sound like this has a leg to stand on and that other person is a waste of time.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm not sure who "they" are?   Are you referring to one person, or more than one?

 

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, HeartGoesOn said:

I'm not sure who "they" are?   Are you referring to one person, or more than one?

 

"They" is often used for either non-binary individuals or by posters who don't want us to know they're in a same-sex situation.

We totally don't care here, but sometimes people think we'll be judgmental.

[kaihi]

On 2/4/2022 at 11:57 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Is this a friend or someone you have a crush on? Were you co-workers or in college together.

Avoid long distance relationships. 

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting people you can date in real life.

Social media, texting, video chatting this much is just hiding behind a screen out of loneliness and boredom.

Thanks for your advice! This put things into perspective for me. We attended university together. We met our final year, so we weren’t really friends (didn’t hang out) but were friendly on a daily. 

[kaihi]

14 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Who is this person again? How did you meet and have you ever met this person in person? Or is it an internet entity? 

I’d distance myself and start being more present in local life. Get enough sleep, prepare good meals for yourself, live well and meet people in your town or city. 

It doesn’t sound like this has a leg to stand on and that other person is a waste of time.

Thanks for taking the time to share your advice. I have met this person. We attended university together, but only met our final year. We rode public transit together on a daily and would get into conversations about everything we had in common. I’ve had a crush on them since the day I met them, but I couldn’t ever tell if it was reciprocated. The distance is a bummer. If they were closer, it would be easy to ask them out and see what it’s like in person. I guess I’m clinging onto that “what if” since I never could tell how they really felt when we were living in the same place. 

[MissCanuck]

10 minutes ago, kaihi said:

I guess I’m clinging onto that “what if” since I never could tell how they really felt when we were living in the same place. 

That's just it, though - generally, when someone likes you and is interested in more, there won't be so much ambiguity. 

This person isn't that into you, or they wouldn't keep floating in and out of your life but never actually make a move.