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Can’t find a way to break up


katmisj
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I’ve been with this guy for the past 5 months, and in the beginning he was the sweetest guy I’d ever met. At first I was skeptical as I am with everyone that enters my life, but with time I started getting to know him better and liking him more and more. As time went we ended up having some disagreements mostly because of me being insecure from past trauma, which I’m in therapy for and I can see myself slowly healing and getting better from that. The thing is, ever since that, I haven’t had the same guy he was before. He’s become moody, sometimes rude to me, says he doesn’t have patience anymore and even though I’ve been the nicest girl he still can’t get over our past disagreements. We can be having a nice day and something will tick him off (I’ve also realized he’s like this with things in life, if something takes too long, if something goes wrong etc) This has made me feel horrible in the past days, like an agony inside that keeps wish he was like he was before and also a feeling of “hopelessness” and low self esteem because I feel this guy didn’t truly like me, he was just infatuated by me. 

I know Im not perfect, but I’m loyal, caring, supportive, friendly… I may have my moments but I truly don’t think i’m a bad person. 

Thing is, I’m not happy in this relationship anymore, he doesn’t seem to want to make an effort and to be honest he doesn’t seem to care. He says he loves and doesn’t want to break up but after a disagreement I kind of get the silent treatment and feel like I’m being punished. He had an ex that he was with for 4 years and she broke up with him and he said he was devastated, so I can tell he doesn’t even like me half as much. 

I want to break up but I’ve never done this in my life, I’ve always been there until the person ended things… I feel very weak that Im not able to end things because I keep fantasizing of how it could be (we have a planned holiday for december, some other mini trips as well etc). But I’m stuck in wanting to live this when in reality this guy can’t or won’t be flexible or let things go in order for us to grow and evolve

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7 minutes ago, katmisj said:

He’s become moody, sometimes rude to me, says he doesn’t have patience anymore and even though I’ve been the nicest girl he still can’t get over our past disagreements.

Ok at 20 weeks it's best to observe these red flags, deal-breakers and incompatibilities. 

You're not doing him favors sticking around until he pulls the plug.

Find an appropriate moment when you're not arguing and tell him kindly and diplomatically that it's not working out.

He'll probably be more relieved than you. Do not go on trips or spend the holidays together.

Is this the same man?:

 

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Are you asking for how to do it? 

It sounds like you have a lot of opportunity... if he's being moody or a jerk, you say:

'I can't do this anymore.  You don't treat me like you used to and frankly, I don't even think you like me very much.'

And you leave. 

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It sounds like you have to accept the fact that although you can't change him, you can only change the way you react to his actions.

The only explanation you owe him is to tell him it's not working out, and you're moving on.  You certainly don't deserve to be dragged down while allowing him to take a hit on your self-esteem.  Also, it's time to up your value.

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Well, you did lash out at him pretty hard over the fact that he liked some girls picture over a social media. Still doesnt justify him being moody and rude to you as he chose to stay with you after that. So, he shouldnt be like that.

Honeymoon period is usually over around 6 months time. So now you are starting to see the cracks. And that is OK, you better find out how he is now then later down the line. So, if you want to break up, just do that. Say the cliche "Its not you, its me", say that you realize your insecurities make you not ready for the relationship, or any other reason you can find, and go away. You can also take an honest approach, but as he is from the rude side, dont really think he would appreciate you being very honest.

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19 hours ago, katmisj said:

 

I want to break up but I’ve never done this in my life, I’ve always been there until the person ended things… I feel very weak that Im not able to end things because I keep fantasizing of how it could be (we have a planned holiday for december, some other mini trips as well etc). But I’m stuck in wanting to live this when in reality this guy can’t or won’t be flexible or let things go in order for us to grow and evolve

This is the perfect opportunity for you to gain some strength and be your own advocate . By being the one to initiate the ending you will learn how strong you really are.  It's moments like these that builds self esteem.

Believe you deserve better.

Edited by reinventmyself
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It doesn't help either of you to stay in the relationship if you are not compatible.  The silent treatment is a form of abuse. You don't deserve that.  End it sooner rather than later so you can start to heal and move on.  You are seeing his true colors now, don't ignore the red flags.

You can simply tell him that this relationship is not working for you any more and you don't want to continue. You don't him any more explanation than that.

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