Anxious that he might leave me

[sam1256]

I am sending it to him now, so nervous, I am literally shaking 

[Capricorn3]

I'm still trying to get my head around two such contradictory threads. 

"But when I saw him , I was kinda disappointed, I felt like he was not that good looking, he had bad skin, messy hair , he does not have a good style. Just overall I was not super into him. Based on how he looked the second time I don't really like him".

If you're not super into someone, and don't really like them and are disappointed, then you move on and find someone else.

He was upfront when he said he doesn't want a relationship so it is hard to understand why you feel "anxious that he might leave you", if you are not really super into him and don't really like him in the first place.  He told you where he stands.  Sounds like you two are incompatible and a bad match.

"Life is too difficult, I have been looking for years, none of them worked. Maybe I will just stay single..."

^ Nothing wrong with being single.

[Jibralta]

9 hours ago, oliver7794 said:

don't you think stop seeing would be a little extreme? 

Not in your case. I think you are in a state of desperation. Desperate people make notoriously bad decisions. For example:

On 10/26/2021 at 10:25 PM, oliver7794 said:

I started to ask I am not sure what he was looking for. And he told me he is not looking for a relationship at the moment (I was a little in shock, and heartbroken)

On 10/26/2021 at 10:25 PM, oliver7794 said:

He asked me what I was looking for, I didn't want to push him and said that I really enjoy being with you, I am happy as long as we are together.

You actually lied to him about what you want. You did this so that he doesn't leave. That's desperation. 

On 10/26/2021 at 10:25 PM, oliver7794 said:

I could feel that we are so intimate, even feel like we are in a relationship. I didn't initiate, he held my hand for the entirety of 5 hours walk.

On 10/26/2021 at 10:25 PM, oliver7794 said:

I haven't felt this kind of intimacy for such a long time. 

On 10/26/2021 at 10:51 PM, oliver7794 said:

I feel like its unfaithful, because I told him I am not seeing anyone else as well.

You are fooling yourself. This is affection not intimacy. You are not in a relationship.

On 10/26/2021 at 10:40 PM, oliver7794 said:

I feel lonely and sad when I am not meeting anyone.... I want to meet someone and be happy

Perfectly normal. It's completely understandable that you want to be in a meaningful relationship.

You're not going to get it with this person. Stop being bull-headed.

9 hours ago, oliver7794 said:

Let's just stay friends.

Again, you aren't in a relationship with him and this is not heading into a relationship. He's been clear.

You already are friends. That's all you are, and the only place this is going is friendship NOT relationship. 

To say, 'let's just be friends' is saying 'let's continue to fool myself that this friendship will turn into a relationship."

The only way you can change what's happening here is to stop seeing him. Not because he is going to fall into a relationship with you, but because you can't be trusted to be an advocate for your own self interest. 

[Batya33]

Consider whether you want to hear about his dates and who he is pursuing for the relationship he suddenly now wants.  Because that is what friends talk about, among other things.

[Tinydance]

I know it's really hard to find someone and if you're in Australia (I am too), it's not a very big country so I know that makes it harder. I understand how you feel in that regard but I think you're getting way too attached to this guy and you're making too much of it. He said he doesn't want a relationship and you've just been seeing him casually so I think you need to try to control your emotions and not fall head over heels in love with him. 

He probably does like you as a person and finds you attractive but he doesn't like you enough to actually be in a relationship with you. It's hard to know whether him not being over his ex is the real reason. It might be the real reason, but often people will also use the ex excuse when they're not that into someone and/or they're just looking for something casual. I think if he really has feelings for you and wanted to be in a relationship with you, then he'd just go for it.

I think that it's possible this guy isn't over his ex but he doesn't know many people in Australia yet and he's looking for friendship/companionship. But he did say he's not looking for a relationship so you and him aren't on the same page.

[Leila22]

On 10/27/2021 at 3:40 AM, oliver7794 said:

I don't know what I should do, I feel lonely and sad when I am not meeting anyone. And when I do meet someone I feel hurt and anxiety. 😥 Endless cycle, I want to meet someone and be happy, don't have to worry about whether he is going to cheat or not.

how is everything now? is everything a little bit better? waiting and not rushing into relationships is best, before getting with my boyfriend it was a year since being in a relationship, maybe try focusing on yourself before anyone else? the main person in the moment is you of course, I always learnt 'you have to love yourself before you love someone else'

[Andrina]

Make a must-have list and a dealbreaker list and stick to it. A wise dealbreaker is that when someone doesn't share your dating/relationship/life goals, you say goodbye.

Because yes, it takes dating a boatload of people before finding one who matches you in all the major ways. If you waste long periods on people who don't match you, Mr. Right will walk right by and you won't even have noticed because you're pouring all your time and emotional energy into someone who's just not that into you.

What do you think a future date will think when you're friends with someone you wanted more from? Best to let that friendship go.

If you're not meeting the right sort of men, change up the ways you normally meet them. Seek alternate opportunities. Good luck.