sam1256

I'm unsure if this is the most appropriate category, but I've been grappling with challenges concerning my parents, particularly with my mother. My mother, a high achiever and widely liked for her beauty, made a choice in her youth to marry an average man, my father. Unfortunately, my father has not been the most supportive partner, exhibiting mistreatment and anger issues throughout the years. Despite the difficulties, my mother chose to stay in the marriage. Both my parents have high expectations for my sister and me, to the point where it feels controlling. Growing up in this environment, I've often felt like an outsider, with my sister consistently siding with our parents during arguments. It seems as though she echoes my mother's thoughts, almost as if she's been "brainwashed." An aspect that particularly bothers me is that whenever I call my sister, she turns on the speaker without informing me, allowing my mother to eavesdrop in the background. From a young age, I struggled with poor grades, low self-esteem, and a lack of validation for my ideas. It felt like a constant battle against my family, especially with my mother labeling me as lazy. Despite being ambitious and artistically talented, I ended up living in her image for years, succumbing to negative self-talk. Even though I've made significant improvements, my parents still perceive me as the same person. Despite my determination to build a business, they undermine me by insisting I lack the knowledge or capacity, accusing me of taking the easy route. This ongoing skepticism infuriates me. Recently, I came out to my mother, and her response was to accuse me of selfishness, urging me to prioritize the family over my own identity. Despite two years passing, she continues to pressure me to change my mind. Furthermore, my mother insists I regularly call my grandmother, who, in my experience, tends to be eccentric and uninterested in meaningful conversation. The calls are brief, and at times, she fails to recognize my voice and hangs up abruptly. I find these interactions pointless, given our lack of connection over the years. In my mother's eyes, my behavior is deemed unfilial, and navigating family dynamics feels like traversing a field filled with landmines, never knowing what might trigger their disapproval and result in more negative labels.

I have some friends I made from university, we all hung out and had great time. (group of 4) When I broke up with my bf, my grandad passed away, and couple of things happened, it was basically depressing, they helped me through a lot. They were quite supportive. However, last couple of weeks, one of my girl friends started to exclude me for everything, the other friend we still talk to each other a lot but started lying to me (not telling me) and keep saying she had something planned, but in fact went to meet the other friend. The guy friend in the group I just decided I should not meet with him because I cannot accept some of his behaviours, lazy (sleep till 1pm), always cancel plans while he invited me, bad influence to me. I don't want to deal with this drama anymore, every time it just bothers me when those two are excluding me. I'd rather just break up with the other friend altogether. I only have one very close friend who I really like, now she is married so I cannot hangout with her as much. I value friends with honesty consistency. I just often don't feel good when hanging out with them, I don't know if I am being too picky or I did something wrong. But after going through a breakup, I just knew one thing for certain, I do not accept anyone who does not value me into my inner circle. But I also don't want to have no friends What do you guys think of this?

Stop telling me what I can or can't do. Talking about pushy, you guys are the most pushy. You are ruining people lives on here. I am going to stop listening to everyone telling me clingy demanding are wrong, everyone has different personal styles. Everyone is supposed to live the same way as your ideal image??? What is wrong with that??? Where is the individuality and identity??? Embracing yourself is personal strength not weakness. hiding your true self is weakness.

Coming on here for advice is the worst thing i can do. Everyone is so negative and judgemental, all you have to say is I am self absorbed pushy evil, wishful thinking all the bad things you can possibly imagine. Stop judging a stranger you do not know. I did not put a gun on to his head, how do i pressure him if he does not want to do it??? He can just block me or something, I won't bother him one bit. We have a great time, we laugh together and have fun, period.

First of all, I feel like I am the most evil person on the planet from what you said, pushing and pressuring someone. I admit that I like him very much and I do not want to give up. He does not have to do what I suggest, he is a free person, he does whatever he likes to do, he can reject me. my dad pursued my mum for a long time, my mum was not interested, but they ended up together ever since. So my dad pressured my mum into marrying in him??? What is wrong with pursuing someone? I did nothing wrong but good to him, treat him well, cared for him when he is sick. From now on, I am going to tell him that I won't ask him out again, but he is free to do so if he wants to.

How Do I stop being needy and clingy, I just want him to hug me. If I don't hang out with him I just really miss him, I feel like I have to wait another week to see him. Or just any relationships, I would feel the same. He did tell me in the beginning when we first met that he does not want a relationship, but he pursued me anyway. When i didn't hang out with him he got so nervous. Every time before meeting me he would say I can't wait to see you, keen as a bean. Only because I asked the question about relationship that he changed into a different person.... I feel like every-time I pull away a little bit he would get a little closer to me, it's like there is an invisible wall.

literally no one I can have then, everyone just gets less interested over time. Why am I the only one who stays the same???

Why is everyone so mean, there is one thing I want in life, why can't I just give it a try? I really like him and I think that we are compatible. I know he does not want a relationship right now, but I will give him time. Why is it so absolute??? He has been the one who was most interested in me.

He was the one who was chasing me in the beginning. And it's his idea that he still wants to hangout he can choose to stop hanging out but he didn't. I didn't force him, I only suggested that if he wants to go.

So I have been dating this guy for 6 months. He was great for the first 3 months, everything that I could've wished for. But on new year's date i asked about our relationship status. He said we were dating exclusively, but he said he does not want to lead me on because he is not ready for a relationship. But I kept asking, then he said i am sorry let's just be friends. I got really anxious and said, I don't want you to go, let's keep dating. He agreed. We kept dating for another 3 months, but I could feel that he was not that interested as before, he tried to pull out, we used to see each other for the whole weekend, turned into only one day mostly. Finally about two months ago, he initiated the break up, I was heartbroken, I said we were so compatible but he said in his heart he knows that we were not compatible, he does not see a future. But he said we can still hangout and stuff. After only one week he started looking for other guys and added a bunch of guys on instagram. My heart shattered. My friends told me not to hangout with him anymore because it will only make me more heartbroken. I couldn't control myself and kept texting him. He begged him another time we met, he said he does not want to break up again, he said he wants to go back to NZ one day (he is from nz, here in syd for work). I learned that he joined a swim club so I asked if I could join. 3 week after break up, he no longer wants to kiss me or hold my hand, he doesn't even look me straight in the eye. I could feel that he had moved on. I thought it's ok, I love hanging out with him and spending time with him. That will be fine. The next week, as we hang out more, I could feel that he started to look me in the eye, I always ask him to hug me and he said I was so clingy and demanding. But he hugged me anyway and he told me he decided that he wants to stay in sydney. Then, the next week, I started to ask him to kiss me, he started to kiss me on the cheek but avoid the lips, I could feel a little chemistry there, even he does not want to admit it. After that, I planned a trip to Melbourne, and he said he'd like to come (I asked him twice, he hesitated and said it is just me does not like to commit). He agreed finally. So when we travel to Melbourne, I could feel that the chemistry is back. He said he was excited for the trip, for the entirety of the trip we couldn't stop laughing. When we get to the hotel, we showered together, and finally it happened, we started kissing and had sex. We cuddled for the whole night, we couldn't stop kissing. I tried to hold his hand but he still tried to pull away (outside of sex). I asked one time that if he cares about me, then he responded if he does not care about me he wouldn't spend the weekend with me in Melbourne. I took him to my friend (who told me I should never hang out with him) changed her opinion, complimented him and said that he is a great guy and said his personality is really very likeable. she said that she really hope us continue to be together, and she saw that the way we interact is the cutest she has ever seen. But at the last day of the trip, we went to see a movie, and I tried to hold his hand again, he finally gave up and hold my hand tightly. At the airport, we were waiting for boarding, we were watching a movie, a guy walked passed me and I looked at him. He laughed. I asked why, he said, you looked him from head to toe it is so embarrassing. Then, I replied, I don't look at other guys I only look at you. He made a sound "mmmmm" (here it gets confusing, I don't know if he got jealous or something, i looked at everyone that walked past me 😅). And on my way back on the plane, I could feel that we had so much fun, playing wordle. When we said goodbye, we kissed. When I got back to syd, I finally tried to find if he is on tinder, turns out his profile is no longer visible, and till now he has not added anyone on Instagram. I really like him and want to be with him, I see that we are so compatible, I don't want to give up. I want more of him but at the same time I don't want to give him pressure and push him away. I want to text him everyday but I know I shouldn't.... What's your opinion on this, please help, I really appreciate it!

I am sending it to him now, so nervous, I am literally shaking

don't you think stop seeing would be a little extreme?

You guys are so right. I shouldn't get so intimate with him from now on. He is a nice person so we will just stay friends.

Ok, I will tell him today. Can I say: ' Sam, I really enjoy the time with you and you make me happy, but I am really looking for dates, sorry if I got too intimate with you. Let's just stay friends.'

Yeah, that's right. I get attached too quickly, he has the perfect and cute personality. My weakness... I haven't dated for so long, finally someone holding my hand in public for hours (dreaming this for years) and hugging me in the park. I can feel that he likes me😭😭😭.

I think that not interested in me is an overstatement, he likes me, and if he didn't like me why would he message me or wanting to meet me so much. He enjoys my companionship. However, I do agree with you that whatever reason that stops him from wanting to have a relationship I should be aware. I suspect that he is still with his ex, he moved to Australia from NZ for work, he said that he was going to decide whether he wants to stay here or not. Last night I stalked his ex instagram, I see all these pictures when they are together back in 2018. I have reason to believe that he has not move on/still together(lying). He told me they broke up when he moved to Australia. And he is not getting back with him. He is saying yes to everything I ask him. If I say something intimate he response back with the same thing. I maybe too naive to think that he might change his mind? We are getting closer each time we meet. I really enjoy the time with him😭, maybe I just tell him we should get so intimate unless he wants to date me? Otherwise, let's just stay friends?

What should I tell this guy then, thanks

It is already so hard to find a nice guy, what can I do??? I really like him, he makes me happy 😭 Why I can't find anything, the only guys I find are unwilling to commit😭 Life is too difficult, I have been looking for years, none of them worked. Maybe I will just stay single...

Because I really like him, I love his personality. And he makes me happy all the time, we smile all the time. I told him I liked him, and he said he liked me too. The like was mutual. I would hope for a Monogamous relationship, but I just want to be happy, I love spending time with him. it is so conflicting. I guess this is the risk for me? I am not going to know how this will turn out...

'Maybe I should just to protect myself from getting heartbroken?' I mean by seeing other guys.

Thanks for the reply, I really enjoy the time with him. What I plan to do is I bide my time, and see how things will turn out. In the meantime, I need to keep my anxiety in check, my heart beats so fast every time I have anxiety. I feel like you are right, but I don't know why I started to lose interest in most other guys, I only think of him. I feel like its unfaithful, because I told him I am not seeing anyone else as well. Maybe I should just to protect myself from getting heartbroken? I know, it is extremely troubling for me, I just can't stop...

I don't know what I should do, I feel lonely and sad when I am not meeting anyone. And when I do meet someone I feel hurt and anxiety. 😥 Endless cycle, I want to meet someone and be happy, don't have to worry about whether he is going to cheat or not.

I met a guy, we have a great time, every time he tells me he can't wait to see me. During the second time, we never have any intimate moments (kissing/ holding hands), I just loved to chat with him that's all, and think that he is super nice. I enjoyed the time with him a lot. I was worried at one point that he was not that interested because he had not made the move to get intimate. The third time we met, we went hiking, we chatted and hung out the whole day. Later, we decided to go to see a movie at his house. we started to hug each other during the movie. And later I went to his bedroom, we started to kiss, I could feel that he really liked kissing me. Then, I started to ask I am not sure what he was looking for. And he told me he is not looking for a relationship at the moment (I was a little in shock, and heartbroken). He told me he is just not ready because of his ex, he had a few years relationship with him. Broke up 6 months ago. He asked me what I was looking for, I didn't want to push him and said that I really enjoy being with you, I am happy as long as we are together. He replied I am happy as long as you are happy. We hugged for a long time. I also asked him if he is seeing other guys, are you going to get back with your ex, he said no (he seems very genuine, and does not lie). Then the next day, he said he wants to go hiking, and I asked if I could come with. And we met shortly after again, this time I could feel that we are so intimate, even feel like we are in a relationship. I didn't initiate, he held my hand for the entirety of 5 hours walk. I let go of my hand, and he went and hold my hand tightly again. I felt so happy, we walked so long, and even sat at the bench and hugging kissing. we kissed a lot. I have felt this kind of intimacy for such a long time. We are meeting in a week or two weeks, because I have been so busy and his brother is visiting so he has to spend some time with his brother. I feel like I started to develop feelings with him. I can't stop thinking about him on a daily basis wondering how he is doing. Also, at the same time, I do not want to get hurt again like before, getting attached too quickly. But I really like him, tbh I didn't like him that much in the second meeting, but my feelings grow each time we meet. He is super sweet. I know I have a history of getting attached too quickly, should I give hope that one day we might turn into a relationship? Should I be proactive and ask him out all the time (he always says yes)? I am also anxious that he might leave me (I know I am self-imagining), if he does not text me one day I feel anxious (I know it is kind of bad). Thanks for reading everyone!

Thank you everyone, you are right. I will not try to change him anymore, thank you!

Thanks for the reply, its dating