a little emotional questions

[Hello98]

I know that I should be communicating with my partner.. but after having lost both parent at young age and not having to spend enough time with them. I hate not being with my significant other. And I’m scared that I’m suffocating him but he acts like it’s not a big deal, or could it just be me over thinking it ? 

[Wiseman2]

38 minutes ago, Hello98 said:

. I hate not being with my significant other. And I’m scared that I’m suffocating him 

How long have you been dating? Why aren't you together? What makes you think you're suffocating him?

[SooSad33]

You feel like you are suffocating him but not communicating enough?

Can you explain a little more about this?

 

[Rose Mosse]

13 hours ago, Hello98 said:

I know that I should be communicating with my partner.. but after having lost both parent at young age and not having to spend enough time with them. I hate not being with my significant other. And I’m scared that I’m suffocating him but he acts like it’s not a big deal, or could it just be me over thinking it ? 

These are issues you have to face with your parents or problems you had in your childhood. It's healthy to have separate hobbies and ways to relax, away from each other, as a couple. Do you have other hobbies or groups of friends or friends you meet with regularly? 

Also, don't initiate a conversation or plan every date. Let him do it too. 

[Cherylyn]

I'm sorry for your loss. 

I see nothing wrong with wanting to be with your SO (significant other) if he doesn't mind and if he doesn't think it's a big deal.  I think you're overthinking it.  As long as both parties are fine with being each other a lot and there are no complaints, why cause drama when there isn't any? 

My MIL and FIL (mother and father-in-law) have never been overly social people.  They're perfectly content being with each other the majority of time and they do everything together such as dining out every evening 7 nights a week.  We might get together with them infrequently for special occasions locally.  FIL chauffeurs MIL to her weekly hair salon appointments, they chauffeur each other to their doctor appointments and the like.  If they're content as they are, I'm fine with however they choose to sustain their very long, long marriage. 

My husband and I have a few outside interests, our own sports, separate and shared friends and hobbies, however, not many.  There are only so many hours in the day after our full time jobs, cooking together and maintaining our house.  We enjoy spending time together such as accompanying each other for our mundane local errands or watch an occasional cable program at home.  Some people may criticize my lifestyle as "suffocating" but who cares?  It's my life.  My husband and I are happy with our routine.  No harm, no foul.  

My sister is extremely busy with her social life.  She has thousands of social media friends and countless friends whom she socializes with in person.  (Note these so-called "friends" are not family nor would they help her in an event of an emergency such as how my mother and siblings would immediately respond.)  

The part which no one knows about is what I know which is "the dirt."  This is the part which she conceals to perfection on social media and during her in person social life. 

My sister rarely brings her husband to social events because he's a shameful embarrassment.   She prefers to leave him at home because he constantly interrupts her, interrupts others if they're speaking to her, paws her, he's very possessive of her, treats her as if she is his property and he's extremely insecure.  He's very controlling and manipulative.  He's very obnoxiously rude to others always in all ways.  He's some piece of work. 😡  She chose him and she turns a blind eye because he's a very high income earner and provides her with a $2mil house.  Money talks.  In her case, outward appearances are everything.  Her social calendar is booked solid yet her personal life in her marriage is in miserable shambles. 

My and  my in-laws' marriages are quietly content and secure.  It's unnecessary to be in full on 'social butterfly' mode because there is no need nor do we feel the need to impress anyone.  I'm not saying every circumstance is this way.  I'm just saying that if you and your SO (significant other) are happy and compatible, then continue doing what both of you are agreeable with. 

[Batya33]

17 hours ago, Hello98 said:

I hate not being with my significant other. And I’m scared that I’m suffocating him but he acts like it’s not a big deal, or could it just be me over thinking it ? 

Do you hate not being with him because you need him as a security blanket or because you genuinely enjoy being with him?  

[Andrina]

Assuming this is a brand new relationship, if you're overdoing the get togethers, then even if he hasn't seemed to mind up to now, when the newness of the relationship wears off, that could change.

But without knowing how much time you're spending together now, it's hard to say if you have a problem on your hands or not.

It is important to have a healthy balance with all the important facets of your life. Of course you want to spend a lot of time with a SO, but also make sure you're finding joy in the other areas of your life. You always want to have the mindset that it would be upsetting if a breakup happens but not devastating. This is usually possible if you also have a career you love, and/or enjoy your continuing education, and have a supportive group of friends and a fun hobby. 

I'm sorry about the loss of your parents. Perhaps you'd benefit from books about enduring this kind of loss. Make sure you don't ingrain it in your brain that it's your fate to have your adult behavior defined by this instance and don't use it as an excuse to act in a way that it will sabotage what could be a good thing.

[catfeeder]

If I'm around anyone in my life enough to question that I might be smothering them?

Then it's likely that I AM smothering them, or me, or both of us.

Do you have enough of a focus on anything or anyone else in your own life beyond the BF?

If not, then there's your answer. 

Head high, and write more if it helps.

[MissCanuck]

On 10/5/2021 at 7:55 AM, Hello98 said:

And I’m scared that I’m suffocating him

Why do you think this? How much time do you spend together?