I stupidly thought we could remain friends

[Ellie56]

I thought afater a year of being apart we could be friends.. The relationship was toxic but we did have some good times over the years ..{ known him 26 years } And yes we have been back and forth ..We have a lot of history together and recently his mum was diagnosed with dementia and its getting worse so we stayed in touch mainly because of this but have kept our distance otherwise, im still bitter towards him cos of what he did in the past and this still comes up when we talk sometimes.. Anyway i went on holiday 2 weeks ago and he didnt say have a safe or nice holiday so when i returned we chatted and he had a go at me because i didnt ask about his mum or as he put it whats going on in his world, he was rude and said i was self centred and to get off his phone.. So clearly it seems we cant be friends...Seems if its not about him then he doesnt want to know..

[Rose Mosse]

Are you the one initiating these calls or texts? No, it doesn't look like you can be friends. A year is not enough time if the separation or break up went badly (and most do). What is that bitterness you have? 

The bitterness, ironically, may be the thing that's keeping you tied to this man under the guise of friendship. It's better to sort that out.

[Ellie56]

No, i do text him more than he does me but he does all the calling..The bitterness is the cheating and lies and ignoring me at times.. And his involvement with his ex wife ,the list is endless.

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, Ellie56 said:

No, i do text him more than he does me but he does all the calling..The bitterness is the cheating and lies and ignoring me at times.. And his involvement with his ex wife ,the list is endless.

You have plenty of quality friends and family you can count on. You don't need this negativity constantly creating background noise.

 Let go and free yourself from this. Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps.

When you drop this "friend", you will feel better and be able to date again, free of rehashing all the drama and hurt.

[Cherylyn]

15 minutes ago, Ellie56 said:

No, i do text him more than he does me but he does all the calling..The bitterness is the cheating and lies and ignoring me at times.. And his involvement with his ex wife ,the list is endless.

Resuming or rekindling relationship or friendship which went awry is often times either very difficult or impossible or so I've since learned the hard way.  It's awkward, there's bitterness, resentment, distrust and try as you may, it won't work. 

I've found that it's best to go your separate ways permanently and start anew with your life. 

Any failed relationship or friendship wasn't meant to be.  Accept it and move on. 

[boltnrun]

You've been agonizing over this guy for a year now (I looked at your previous posts). Nothing you've written indicates this guy is any kind of friend to you.

You can remove yourself from this toxic attachment anytime you want. You just have to decide to take out the garbage and stop bringing it back inside.

[SooSad33]

2 hours ago, Ellie56 said:

im still bitter towards him cos of what he did in the past and this still comes up when we talk sometimes.. Anyway i went on holiday 2 weeks ago and he didnt say have a safe or nice holiday so when i returned we chatted and he had a go at me because i didnt ask about his mum or as he put it whats going on in his world, he was rude and said i was self centred and to get off his phone.. So clearly it seems we cant be friends...Seems if its not about him then he doesnt want to know..

I think you two are 'expecting' too much here.

No, he does not need to wish you anything, just because you're going away.

Then, he has another go at you over his sick mother.

Seems all is STILL toxic?
Right.  No to any idea of 'friendship'.

 You two owe nothing to each other at this point.  It's done.'

Get away & stay away.

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, Ellie56 said:

The bitterness is the cheating and lies and ignoring me at times.. And his involvement with his ex wife ,the list is endless.

Are you really that short on friends that this seems like a good friend option? 

[HeartGoesOn]

I have to ask, what are you expecting to achieve by remaining friends with him?  You're losing out on so much by continuing to accept his abuse.

Keep in mind that you alone, can set the standards on how others treat you.

[Ellie56]

11 minutes ago, HeartGoesOn said:

I have to ask, what are you expecting to achieve by remaining friends with him?  You're losing out on so much by continuing to accept his abuse.

Keep in mind that you alone, can set the standards on how others treat you.

Im not achieving anything by staying friends with him as the whole thing stresses me out when we do talk lately when hes ready he can be a horrible person..Maybe im just used to him being in my life or my self worth is on the floor.. Outside of him iv got good family and a good life..So he needs to go..

[HeartGoesOn]

1 minute ago, Ellie56 said:

Im not achieving anything by staying friends with him as the whole thing stresses me out when we do talk lately when hes ready he can be a horrible person..Maybe im just used to him being in my life or my self worth is on the floor.. Outside of him iv got good family and a good life..So he needs to go..

You just answered your own question.  With that said, I hope you find your way.