My husband tried to kill me after my affair

[Tinydance]

Physical assault is actually an illegal crime. That means that nobody can legally do that, unless it was in self defence. Violence is NOT OK. Many people have cheated and their partner just left them. That's what normal and sane people do. The fact that your husband hurt you so badly physically and he's trying to kill you shows that he's a VERY messed up person. I don't understand how you can say you still love him and you want him back. At this point your life is actually in danger so obviously this marriage is over.

[mical]

11 hours ago, Usa1ah said:

 

There was a betrayed spouse in England that lured the OM to the family farm and killed him. 
 

Some people just lose their sanity when betrayed like this. 

Same happened where I live, unfortunately. Husband found messages between his wife and another man and stabbed her 15 times. It’s very sad.  Prior to this he seemed quiet and calm you would never suspect it. You would have never known he was crazy or capable of such violence.

Maybe they had a fight after the discovery of the affair and she stayed, it’s possible her life could been saved by leaving the house ASAP.

Some people are crazy and unpredictable, you never know.

That being said, her life is in danger so should definitely avoid returning back home at all costs (at least until he is in jail) and get protection. It should be taken very seriously. 

Hope OP gets better soon and sorry for what had happened. It’s unfortunate and nobody deserves such violence and threats.

[mical]

20 minutes ago, East4 said:

 

When a spous cheats, one divorces them, not kills/beats them.

 

Exactly, unfortunately there are lots of crazy violent people out there 😞 , so OP should leave permanently never return back to him and doesn’t deserve such violence. 
 

For example when I found out my partner cheated the most drastic thing I did was block from social media..

[Seraphim]

5 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Physical assault is actually an illegal crime. That means that nobody can legally do that, unless it was in self defence. Violence is NOT OK. Many people have cheated and their partner just left them. That's what normal and sane people do. The fact that your husband hurt you so badly physically and he's trying to kill you shows that he's a VERY messed up person. I don't understand how you can say you still love him and you want him back. At this point your life is actually in danger so obviously this marriage is over.

Exactly, my father cheated on my mom with many many people and she never laid a finger on him. The only reason to beat the crap out of anyone is to defend your own life. 

[Tinydance]

22 minutes ago, Usa1ah said:

It isn’t every time and no one has said so. 
 

There are those that mentality snap when they discovered that their spouse cheated, men and women both. Marina Bobbitt cut off her cheating husband’s *** while he slept when she found out that he cheated. 
 

The courts except a temporary insanity reason for these episodes of violence. 
 

I have heard several men say that they are glad that they found out when their cheating wife was away. That it gave them time to get past the rage they felt come over them. 
 

Some have turned to inanimate objects during such rage. One cheating wife called the police when her husband found out because he was destroying everything in the home. Systematically going from room to room. The police showed up and made sure he didn’t attack her but they told her that it is his property and they can’t stop him. He calmed down after they showed up got his power tools and disassembled everything else. He them took the screws and bolts with him when he packed his bags and left. 
 

All of this to say, some people just can’t mentally handle being cheated on. They lose it and no one knows what the reaction will be until that person is betrayed 

Sorry but I think that acting in such an extreme, unhinged manner is not normal, OK, or acceptable. We all have bad things happen to us in life and I will repeat that violence is NEVER OK. Violence is illegal for a reason. The law, the government and police consider it completely unacceptable.

[Usa1ah]

6 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Physical assault is actually an illegal crime. That means that nobody can legally do that, unless it was in self defence. Violence is NOT OK. Many people have cheated and their partner just left them. That's what normal and sane people do. The fact that your husband hurt you so badly physically and he's trying to kill you shows that he's a VERY messed up person. I don't understand how you can say you still love him and you want him back. At this point your life is actually in danger so obviously this marriage is over.

Some states even charge the person defending themself. 

[Usa1ah]

3 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Sorry but I think that acting in such an extreme, unhinged manner is not normal, OK, or acceptable. We all have bad things happen to us in life and I will repeat that violence is NEVER OK. Violence is illegal for a reason. The law, the government and police consider it completely unacceptable.

It isn’t normal. That doesn’t meant it doesn’t happen. Some people just lose the ability to control the rage that comes over them. 
 

Then there are those that are just evil and use something like this as an excuse to act out. 
 

I agree we have all had bad things happen to us. But unlike some of us, you haven’t been in one where violence was the only way out. 
 

3 men watched a house for a week of a single father and his daughter. They showed up with everything they needed to abduct her when her dad left for work one morning. They broke in the front door and went for the stairs. The 12 year old girl caught the first one at the top of the stairs with a 12 gauge round to the chest. Another one fell at the bottom of the stairs and the 3rd collapsed outside the house. Turned out the girl was the skeet shooting champ in her area for her age group. The men were illegals with ties to child sex trade. There is a time and place for violence. 

[Tinydance]

4 minutes ago, Usa1ah said:

It isn’t normal. That doesn’t meant it doesn’t happen. Some people just lose the ability to control the rage that comes over them. 
 

Then there are those that are just evil and use something like this as an excuse to act out. 
 

I agree we have all had bad things happen to us. But unlike some of us, you haven’t been in one where violence was the only way out. 
 

3 men watched a house for a week of a single father and his daughter. They showed up with everything they needed to abduct her when her dad left for work one morning. They broke in the front door and went for the stairs. The 12 year old girl caught the first one at the top of the stairs with a 12 gauge round to the chest. Another one fell at the bottom of the stairs and the 3rd collapsed outside the house. Turned out the girl was the skeet shooting champ in her area for her age group. The men were illegals with ties to child sex trade. There is a time and place for violence. 

In self defence, yes. In any other case no I don't think there is a place for violence.

[Usa1ah]

TinyDance we might have to disagree on the never a reason for violence. 
 

I think we both agree that OP didn’t deserve to be beaten up and put in the hospital. She did nothing to deserve it. 
 

Being yelled and and called some names maybe but nothing to warrant any violence. 

[Usa1ah]

7 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

In self defence, yes. In any other case no I don't think there is a place for violence.

I completely agree but will add when defending someone that can’t defend themself. 
 

I did beat the crap out of someone that hit his wife/gf in a parking lot a few cars from my wife and I. 

[Usa1ah]

17 hours ago, abitbroken said:

I am not saying to rely on it, but she needs to do this to continue a paper trail in addition to doing everything else to keep herself safe - so when he comes up for trial (i pray that she is pressing charges) the more paper like that piles up, the more that will sway the judge that he needs to be locked up.

I think she has one already from what she posted.
 

There have been many women killed with a restraining order in place. Some of them were killed in front of there kids. They would have been better off getting a weapon and being trained to use it.

[Usa1ah]

1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

Exactly, my father cheated on my mom with many many people and she never laid a finger on him. The only reason to beat the crap out of anyone is to defend your own life. 

Sorry your mom went through that. 

[East4]

2 hours ago, Usa1ah said:

The courts except a temporary insanity reason for these episodes of violence.

Temporary insanity relies on two premises, neither of which is present in the current case:

1) with temporary insanity, the crime is not premeditated. In this case the physical assault was planned/premeditated, because the OP's husband lured her into a trap. He knew very well that he wanted to physically assault her, hence the invitation to "talk".

2) the perpetrator of the crime in a state of temporary insanity, does not have the mental capacity to comprehend the consequences of his/her actions. In the current case, the husband knew very well that by beating up his wife, he caused her severe physical damage. He proceeded with death threats, which shows that he understands very well the harm he inflicted on OP.

Does not seem to me at all like a case of "snapping" or "temporary insanity". More of a case of entitled husband whose feelings and ego are hurt by his wife's infidelity and he feels justified to assault her like a savage. 

[smackie9]

 

Punishment for infidelity is guilt and the possibility of ending the marriage, not getting your brains beat out. When a man uses violence like that, he will most likely fulfill his promise to kill you. Dropping the charges is not going to smooth things over, it's a death sentence.

 

[Wiseman2]

On 8/31/2021 at 7:10 PM, Stupid girl said:

The cops caught my husband and put him in jail.

Ok so this has nothing to do with you "pressing charges" or not. He was arrested and put in jail and will have to go to a criminal trail. It doesn't matter what you say, the evidence will be provided by the doctors reports and police

This also has nothing to do with affairs. Many women get killed by violent abusive BFs/husbands every day.  This was not the first incidence of abuse and you know that.

You do not have choices in this with regard to arrests and restraining orders. Law enforcement and courts decide this, not you. This is not a civil case, it's a criminal case.

 

[Jibralta]

21 hours ago, Usa1ah said:

Is it your fault that your husband snapped, yes.

No. It is her fault that she cheated and betrayed her husband. It is her husband's fault that he 'snapped' (although given the circumstances, I doubt anyone would think his actions were not premeditated). She is responsible for her own behavior. Her husband is responsible for his own behavior. Men are able to manage their emotions and control themselves. 

[Stupid girl]

Hey everyone thanks for the good advice. Today I am here to answer some of the questions I you guy ask and give a update on situation. So first off someone asked if I have kids with my husband. No but we were trying. Second someone ask why I still love my husband I never stop loving him I just wanted to  do  things together. Like go out and eat and dance.  Buy my husband didn't I try but he wouldn't listen to me. But I know a affair was no the correct way to go. And last someone wanted to know if my affair partner know my husband was violent. And yes he heard what happened to me. Both of us decided that we should not talk anymore just incase my husband find out. And I talked to my sister in law she said that my husband is looking for my affair partner so he can hurt him so I think not talking with my affair partner is for the best. Anyway thanks for listening. Sorry it was kinda long.

[boltnrun]

Do you plan to stay in your marriage despite your husband attempting to murder you and despite his plan to try again and to murder your affair partner?

[Seraphim]

5 hours ago, Usa1ah said:

I think she has one already from what she posted.
 

There have been many women killed with a restraining order in place. Some of them were killed in front of there kids. They would have been better off getting a weapon and being trained to use it.

Not everywhere allows weapons though. My mom best friend was murdered by her husband with a hunting rifle. 

Here in Canada owning weapons is much more restricted. It is much harder to get a restricted weapons permit . 

[Stupid girl]

 

. Something I forgot to tell you guys that I am staying in the house while he's staying with a friend.

[Seraphim]

Please call a women’s shelter and make a solid plan to leave this man. If you think this the last time he is going to beat the crap out of you it isn’t. Get out ! He is an a hole. 

[East4]

OP, now your priority must be your safety, there will be time later on to deal with guilt for your infidelity.

This marriage is over, you cannot return to a man who broke your arm and nose. Nope. Get your head out of the cloud of confusions and drama and get down to practical tasks: paramount is your safety; no more contact with your husband and his family (quit talking to your SIL); press charges for battery and death threat, collect all the evidence, especially the medical records of the physical damage; and file for divorce, there is no going back from what has happened. 

If you return back to your husband, he will sure kill you.

[Usa1ah]

1 hour ago, Stupid girl said:

Hey everyone thanks for the good advice. Today I am here to answer some of the questions I you guy ask and give a update on situation. So first off someone asked if I have kids with my husband. No but we were trying. Second someone ask why I still love my husband I never stop loving him I just wanted to  do  things together. Like go out and eat and dance.  Buy my husband didn't I try but he wouldn't listen to me. But I know a affair was no the correct way to go. And last someone wanted to know if my affair partner know my husband was violent. And yes he heard what happened to me. Both of us decided that we should not talk anymore just incase my husband find out. And I talked to my sister in law she said that my husband is looking for my affair partner so he can hurt him so I think not talking with my affair partner is for the best. Anyway thanks for listening. Sorry it was kinda long.

Please change your username. Your not stupid, you made a bad decision. 
 

Are you planning on working things out with your husband? If so, why? It isn’t for love because you would have never cheated on him if you truly did love him. 
 

Do you have a male relative that can stay with you in case your husband comes by the house? Are you allowed to change the locks and dead bolts on the doors? Talk with a family lawyer about what is going on and see if you can. Also talk with a locksmith about a door brace bar or you can get one at a home supply store. It helps to prevent a door from being kicked in. Easy to install. 

You really need to keep yourself safe before anything. Your husband is a POS for hurting you. What you did was wrong. What your husband did is inexcusable, he needs to go to jail for it. You will never be safe with him.

How did your husband find out about the affair? Are you certain he doesn’t already know who the OM is? If he is looking for him, he might know who it is. 

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, Stupid girl said:

 

. Something I forgot to tell you guys that I am staying in the house while he's staying with a friend.

Are you planning to stay married to this man who tried to murder you and who has made it clear he will try again?

[Usa1ah]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok so this has nothing to do with you "pressing charges" or not. He was arrested and put in jail and will have to go to a criminal trail. It doesn't matter what you say, the evidence will be provided by the doctors reports and police

This also has nothing to do with affairs. Many women get killed by violent abusive BFs/husbands every day.  This was not the first incidence of abuse and you know that.

You do not have choices in this with regard to arrests and restraining orders. Law enforcement and courts decide this, not you. This is not a civil case, it's a criminal case.

 

The police in some areas can press charges with the evidence they have. The wife/gf doesn’t need to do so. It depends on the laws in your state.