He says “you have a lot going on”

[Sonnyblue]

When he says “you have a lot going on” , a couple times during our date,  does that mean he’s not interested in dating me seriously? I just got out of a relationship and also looking for a new job. He seems to think that there’s a lot going on for me. Do I continue to see him? 

[DarkCh0c0]

Well, is he still reaching out? That should be your answer.

Also, how long did you last in your last relationship?

[Kwothe28]

Well, its a valid excuse not to date you. You just got out of relationship so maybe he doesnt want to be a rebound, you dont have a job so that means no financial stability and job searches are stressful by itself so you do have a lot on your plate now to commit to a new relationship. Its a valid concern by his side.

However, it might be just an excuse not to see you. Has he expressed desire to see you again? 

[catfeeder]

He may or may not give you the choice to continue seeing him. While lots of people can probably overlook transitioning jobs, being fresh out of a breakup signals 'rebound' to most people who are seeking a committed relationship.

If the guy wants to see you despite his comments, then it's really up to you whether you like him enough to keep seeing him.

[LoveConquersAll]

Did he is mean 'you have a lot going on for you', as in you are really what he is looking for, or 'you have too much [my emphasis] going on at the moment', as in you shouldn't really be dating? I feel like some context is missing - could you expand a little bit? 🙂 

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Sonnyblue said:

When he says “you have a lot going on” , a couple times during our date,  does that mean he’s not interested in dating me seriously? I just got out of a relationship and also looking for a new job.

Sorry this happened, but first dates are not for therapy about your recent breakup or recent job hunt.

 Take a break from dating until you resolve these issues.

[Batya33]

How did he come to know all about the big changes in your life?

[Sonnyblue]

2 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Well, is he still reaching out? That should be your answer.

Also, how long did you last in your last relationship?

He is still reaching out. I was in a relationship for 2 years. It ended mutually. Neither of us were happy. I honestly feel a lot better since the break up and have been enjoying the company of the guy I just met, but he seems totally iffy about the situation which bums me out.   

[Sonnyblue]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

How did he come to know all about the big changes in your life?

Just talking and getting to know one another 

[Sonnyblue]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened, but first dates are not for therapy about your recent breakup or recent job hunt.

 Take a break from dating until you resolve these issues.

Thank you for the advice. I’m just really interested in him but get where you are coming from w not dating for awhile.

[Wiseman2]

Just now, Sonnyblue said:

Thank you for the advice. I’m just really interested in him but get where you are coming from w not dating for awhile.

If you are ready to date, just talk about other stuff like interests, hobbies, favorites places, movies, food, etc. That's getting to know you.

[Sonnyblue]

2 hours ago, LoveConquersAll said:

Did he is mean 'you have a lot going on for you', as in you are really what he is looking for, or 'you have too much [my emphasis] going on at the moment', as in you shouldn't really be dating? I feel like some context is missing - could you expand a little bit? 🙂 

 

Sure! I feel like he was implying that I shouldn’t be dating with all the recent changes. He’s very thoughtful and I really enjoy him, but he also told me he wants to take things slow. Which makes me think he’s just trying to politely let me down and that he’s not interested 

[Batya33]

17 minutes ago, Sonnyblue said:

Just talking and getting to know one another 

So I think it’s fine to reveal personal information but also to show discretion and filters. It sounds like you talked a lot and overwhelmed him with too much information about all the changes in your life.
 

With a new person it’s better to do more listening than talking and be just a bit of a mystery.  He doesn’t need to know what you ate for lunch or how your older sister has an eating disorder or how you ended things with your boyfriend.  
I had a second date about 25 years ago with a guy I knew through friends.  He asked me my salary. I told him.  Big mistake.  I should have said “why do you want to know?” Or “sorry that’s too personal “.  He was shocked. And it probably was more than he made - so buh bye.  Now had he gotten to know me first and realized that my salary was typical of others in my area in context he may have felt differently.  But it was too much too soon.  

 

More isn’t better.  Be a package of multiple layers and let a person get to know you at a reasonable pace over time. 

[SooSad33]

13 hours ago, Sonnyblue said:

 I just got out of a relationship and also looking for a new job. He seems to think that there’s a lot going on for me. Do I continue to see him? 

Why are you even thinking of seeing someone again if you're just freshly out of a relationship?

Do you honestly feel you are over that one?

[MissCanuck]

10 hours ago, Sonnyblue said:

but he seems totally iffy about the situation

I agree. 

I think he is, in a roundabout way, letting you know he might not want to proceed. Only time will tell. 

[waffle]

Who knows what his motivations are.  It's possible that he's just feeling you out to see if you're going to have time for a relationship (with him).  Or yeah, maybe this is his "out."  I suppose you could just ask him what he's thinking.