want to see ex

[xoxoxolovexoxoxo]

My ex and I have the same friends so we are at the same places quite often. It's not really awkward, we've adapted to being mutual friends I think? Anyways, recently I have the urge to text him and ask to hangout. I know it may not be healthy for either of us to hangout as friends because we may fall into old habits such as being together a lot. I just really miss him. We got food once, a month ago, to catch up and he has been asking to hangout after that and I did not want to. However, now I do. I know that he will get the wrong idea and may think I want to get back together now. The thing is, I don't. Not now. I can see us getting back together in the future but so much has happened and I'm not sure if we could make the relationship work again. But who knows. I just need advice on how to deal with these feelings since I do see him often and feelings arise. I'm so used to us dating when we are with our friends and now that we aren't together it feels like something is missing. I don't know if it's just because being around him makes me confused on what I want but for some reason I am so confused. We dated for 6 years and I broke up with him because I didn't know anything other than him. I felt suffocated in our relationship with anxiety about the future and me possibly regretting not knowing anything other than him. He was my best friend, but I couldn't get that thought out of my head. I have been doing a lot better with the breakup than I was before although, seeing him makes it hard. I know if we hooked up it would be bad for both of us since he might ask me again if I hooked up with anyone else (which I have). To me it was meaningless sex with someone else while we were drunk but he might get hurt if I ever tell him that since I don't think he's been with anyone else other than me (even after the breakup). This is why I cannot pursue this relationship because I cannot look him in the eyes and tell him that (if we wanted to get back together). I have this fear that he would hold it over my head and hold it against me even though I already feel bad about it. It's just messy. I think I still love him though which sucks. 

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, xoxoxolovexoxoxo said:

 I think I still love him though 

Unfortunately, unless you reconcile as BF/GF, it's going to be difficult just hanging out in limbo

 

[SooSad33]

38 minutes ago, xoxoxolovexoxoxo said:

I just really miss him. We got food once, a month ago, to catch up and he has been asking to hangout after that and I did not want to. However, now I do. I know that he will get the wrong idea and may think I want to get back together now. The thing is, I don't. Not now. I can see us getting back together in the future but so much has happened and I'm not sure if we could make the relationship work again.

You kinda miss him... that's it.

So you need to be stronger than this and NOT give in.

is enough with how much you already encounter him. So, you say NO.  Do not hang out any more than you do now.

So - no idea's arise and YOU can keep moving ahead... Less reminders the better.

So often we find we cannot be 'friends' with an ex, unless or until we know we are over them.... and often by that time, we don't care to anymore 😉 .

Anyways, you know inside you really can't do it this way....right?

41 minutes ago, xoxoxolovexoxoxo said:

I have been doing a lot better with the breakup than I was before although, seeing him makes it hard. I know if we hooked up it would be bad for both of us since he might ask me again if I hooked up with anyone else (which I have). To me it was meaningless sex with someone else while we were drunk but he might get hurt if I ever tell him that since I don't think he's been with anyone else other than me (even after the breakup)

See?  You are now starting to improve.. don't have a fallback.. Keep moving on.

As for him.. You do NOT owe him anything re: your personal life! (same goes for him).

 

Yup, best thing is to remain as you are.. Apart as much as possible.

Do not give in... remain at your distance and keep focus on YOU now.

 

[Batya33]

If you want to be friends with him you know friends share with friends about who they're dating or trying to date -will you be comfortable hearing about his dates and who he has crushes on??

[xoxoxolovexoxoxo]

38 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

If you want to be friends with him you know friends share with friends about who they're dating or trying to date -will you be comfortable hearing about his dates and who he has crushes on??

No, I probably wouldn't want to know. I don't think we could ever "just be friends" like that. I think knowing if he had meaningless sex with someone I wouldn't care since I was doing the same and it would take away some of my guilt. If I saw him in a relationship I would probably be jealous -> even though I would have no right to be. 

[Rose Mosse]

On 7/11/2021 at 1:21 PM, xoxoxolovexoxoxo said:

To me it was meaningless sex with someone else while we were drunk but he might get hurt if I ever tell him that since I don't think he's been with anyone else other than me (even after the breakup). This is why I cannot pursue this relationship because I cannot look him in the eyes and tell him that (if we wanted to get back together). I have this fear that he would hold it over my head and hold it against me even though I already feel bad about it. It's just messy. I think I still love him though which sucks. 

If you love him you'd be honest and upfront. That takes courage and being vulnerable, elements that are requirements of being in sincere or deeper relationships. If you can't open yourself up that way or feel comfortable with yourself, love yourself and accept yourself and your own choices, you'll find it very hard connecting with a partner on a deeper level. I think this is preventing you from finding happiness.

Sadly by remaining friends with this person you're also preventing yourself from growing and overcoming those fears and becoming completely comfortable with who you are. He is also preventing himself from being happy being around you so frequently because you're not able to open up or because you are not sure about what you want.

 

[J-J]

Accepting "mutual friends" is just a hidden term for "codependency" - break it off - and move forward, because he won't until he gets a new girlfriend which isn't going to happen until you get a new boyfriend - either or, whichever of you gets that new person in your life, that new person  won't accept "mutual friendship", so in the end, you or him will be mad, upset and cause more trouble for the other trying to move forward.

Move away from "same friends", "same hangouts", etc.

Game over. Try again.