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xoxoxolovexoxoxo

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  1. Does anyone have any advice for not getting accepted into the university I wanted to go to? I planned on going there for so long and to be rejected just really stings. I have another option but I didn't like it as much as where I wanted to go. I am worried I won't succeed in an environment that I felt was not for me. It is also pretty far from home which makes me nervous.
  2. Unfortunately I think yes 😞 makes this even harder for me to try to move on
  3. Wow. That actually makes a lot of sense. I feel like I really need to grow as a person without him but for some reason I can't let myself say goodbye. But I am going to need to be able to come to terms with it.
  4. For the most part we had a healthy relationship where we would argue like other couples. However, during our breakup while we still communicated he told me if I ever hooked up with anyone else he could never get back together with me. He also would get jealous easily. I think he is insecure with himself so whatever I did with my own person would drastically affect him.
  5. I miss him as a person, he was my best friend. However, I do not miss the constant checking in with someone and worrying about them aspect. I do like that aspect of the freedom but I deeply miss him as a person and how much fun we had. I often worry if I am being selfish putting my wants of being single before his feelings. However, when we were together I felt suffocated and stuck thinking I was only going to be with one person for the rest of my life. So there are multiple factors involved.
  6. Thank you for your words. It has been very difficult and I feel as if I never will get over him. I also feel like my brain won't let me and hopes one day we will end up together. This possibly could be why I felt so guilty since I feel like I ruined my chances of ever getting back together. It has been hard to try to not associate my actions with how he may feel even with no contact.
  7. Thank you. I will try my best to work through this
  8. I do journal and have done it for years. I helps but not enough. I just feel like this pain will never go away. But thank you for your kind words.
  9. I also agree I should not be using how drunk I was as an excuse. I still made those choices. I have been feeling okay with the breakup recently which might be why I thought I could handle something like this. I obviously still am healing and was not ready. I think I pushed myself too far. I guess I just need to accept the fact it happened and live with it.
  10. Basically my ex and I have been broken up for about 8 months now. We still were in contact and would hangout for the first 3 months but we have not contacted each other at ALL for the last 5. Although, I think about him constantly and I miss him everyday. The reason we broke up is because I wanted to. I had never been with anyone else besides him in a intimate way. I also did not know myself outside of being his girlfriend of 5 years. I felt like my entire identity was surrounded by him. We needed time apart to grow. I have been seeing a therapist and she also agrees. I have actually been doing really well with the breakup as of recently. When I thought about him it was no longer sad, it was like looking at happy memories. Recently I hooked up with someone and feel extremely guilty about it. All I could think about the entire time was my ex, and how I wish it were him. This is the first time I have ever been intimate with someone other than my ex. Also, I was filled with regret the next day. It was a drunken mistake, I don't think I was ready. The day after it happened I couldn't eat or do anything other than think about the situation. I just kept replaying in my mind what happened and what my ex would think about it if he knew. It felt like I had cheated on my ex, even though we have clearly broken up. I feel very confused and anxious all of the time now. I feel like this was a major step back in my process of healing from the breakup. Now I can't stop thinking about my ex and our relationship. After the hook up happened, I realized that I did not want to be with anyone other than my ex. I'm not sure if this is just me trying to go back into my comfort zone or not. I worry that I won't find anyone as good as him and I made a mistake. Then again I also picture being with him and feeling unfulfilled as I had in the past. This has been an extremely mentally draining part of my life and I am just looking for any advice that people have in order to ease my pain.
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