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J-J

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  1. Accepting "mutual friends" is just a hidden term for "codependency" - break it off - and move forward, because he won't until he gets a new girlfriend which isn't going to happen until you get a new boyfriend - either or, whichever of you gets that new person in your life, that new person won't accept "mutual friendship", so in the end, you or him will be mad, upset and cause more trouble for the other trying to move forward. Move away from "same friends", "same hangouts", etc. Game over. Try again.
  2. Celebrate, and rejoice, you didn't marry and ended up like 50% of marriages - divorced. If you married, you'd owed spousal support, alimony, palimony, years of lost wages, time and energy, maybe even child support and she would have taken the house, liquidated your 401k, IRA, pension, etc. You are much, much better off, so celebrate that fact. In 2017, approximately 787,251 divorces were granted in America, which means that around one and a half million people got divorced that year. The actual percentage of marriages that end in divorce in the US varies between 40% to 50%, with an average shelf life before dissolution of marriage, about 8 years. Dude, celebrate its over. Life happens.
  3. Oh, being single is wonderful. Just look at the pros and cons - being single is the winner winner chicken dinner. I meet women, enjoy their company, usually for a night or two, and then life goes on. There are a million reasons why life is better without significant other. PROS: Don't have to excuse yourself when you want to come and go Head out for no reason at midnight (walk, drink, late dinner, etc.) Never ever have to check in Never ever have to ask permission for anything, or to do anything Do yard work and chores at your leisure Bed is all yours (I never bring women to the house) No excuses - ever Your "me time" is always your time, no more doing what she wants you to do Your weekends and nights are yours for you - no more, "Babe, we need to go to Costco," or "Babe, this weekend we are going..." Strangers are passionate, polite - they are role-playing - all encounters start and end in a honeymoon phase Those are just a few reasons why being single is amazing. My co-workers and colleagues are always jealous of my easy, none stressful life - no children, no nagging spouse, no do-lists... . CONS: Now, if you're 59 or over, you should be seeking a partner; times up, pie's done. But at least you'll have all the experience in the world to know what kind of person you'd like to settle down with. NOTE: Children aren't necessary - cost, raising, expecting they'll be perfect, ideal guardians when you're old and pissing on yourself, but in reality, they could be a drug addicts or living in another state, taking care of their most immediate, instead of you. Not to worry, its very common for elders to die alone, even if they have children, who weren't there at their bedside (life happens). Recommendations: If you are really, really, really needing to settle down with a wife, take a long look at yourself and ask, "How can I invest into myself for my future mate?" Are you making decent income or are you a just collecting unemployment with no real ambition to bring something to the table? Are you grooming yourself? Are you in shape or let yourself enjoy too many Big Macs? Are you spending good money to ensure you are cleaned up - investing into your appearance is step 1. Don't go to a barber - go to a salon, a professional hair stylist. Buy nice razors, followed up with a nice electric shaver, followed up with nice cologne (think Versace Eros - women love that smell, the hugs are more passionately longer). Don't use some cheap hair product, man-up and drop $40 on Kevin Murphy (it'll last a 2 months), and for god sake, dress your age - get ride of the Sketchers, for starters, and make sure you dress with confidence....wardrobe can be nice and basic if you aren't sure where to start, until you gain some direction and confidence (jeans, black dress or t-shirt, then learn from there). Also, dental - teeth are important - save money and go to Mexico, it's about 80% cheaper and they are so good at their dentistry, American dental insurances will cover you there too. Show confidence, not desperation or arrogance. Learn manners, social etiquette, develop social intelligence - show courtesy. And most important - smile and have fun. You'll naturally need to pivot relative to audience i.e. some women curse, some are posh, some are sarcastic, and some are bitter and mean. Pivot accordingly. Good luck.
  4. I think you are where you are because you're still undecided. First, be extremely grateful a person is willing to help you with a kid that's not even theirs (support can come in many ways, from sitting to watching, from finance to emotional, sharing tasks and duties, etc.). Second, you're 30 years old: the average number of amateur fights for some of the top boxers in history had, is approximately 118 fights at an average age of just over 20 years old at their professional debut - that time has passed for that career endeavor (no guarantees you would be pro, it would just be a vicious endeavor on the body and wallet): the average professional boxer made $35,584 in 2018, in a salary range that spans from $22,000 to $37,000 ($11 to $18 an hour) and these salaries are decreased by the various administrative, travel and training expenses you'll have to pay – boxers need some serious healthcare insurance... . I think you should reflect what you want, and is best for your child (it's not about just you anymore). PS Dump his ass, he's everything you don't need in a man to help you along in any decision you will have to make for yourself and child.
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