Getting her back

[Hopeful]

So my girlfriend of just over a year broke up with me 3 days as of posting this. It all really started back in February when my grandma died. She was the first close relative I’d never lost and the rock of my childhood. It hit me really hard and I struggled to cope, so I without realising became distant to my partner and shut myself off for around a month. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to talk to her or I couldn’t, I just couldn’t process it in my own mind. Finally I started to feel better and myself again but I noticed my partner was acting abit distant and abit off with me. After two weeks passed of her acting this way, she had a discussion and she said she had no idea how hard it hit me because I didn’t bring it up, so she felt I was becoming disinterested in her and the relationship so she said she tried to protect herself by shutting herself down and distancing. She tried and tried to make herself feel comfortable again and make herself feel okay but it became too much pressure for her and she’s already an insecure person, I really knocked her confidence.

So we met the other day and she decided we should break up, she said not because she wanted to, but because she felt it was what we needed. I suggested we go on a break and try to return back to things after having some time to ourselves, she didn’t think that would work because she would feel immense pressure to make sure she’s okay by a certain time. She did say ‘you never know, in two weeks I might think iv made a mistake’ she promised she’d let me know if she felt that way. She also said which I didn’t catch onto at the time but Iv overthought it, abit too much ‘I would like us to keep in contact, as friends, in the meantime’ in the meantime? In the meantime until when? What did she mean?

it was an amicable break up, plenty of tears from both sides, plenty of ‘I’ll miss yous and I love yous’ from both sides and even some jokes and laughs to the point I said ‘how come we can be like this again now?’

im giving her space as I think it’s what she needs right now, iv not contacted her since the break up but I was thinking after a couple of weeks giving her a call and asking if she wants to go for a walk round her favourite walk area around us and possibly presenting her her favourite flowers which I doubt she thinks I’d remember what they were.

 

Would this be a good idea or should I just let her go?

[Hopeful]

I would love to. When she promised me that she’d let me know if she feels she’s made a mistake, I said ‘please do, cause I’ll happily try again’ 

I’m just hoping that giving her a bit of space and then calling to meet up, we can talk about things again see where we stand. Tell her that I will communicate my feelings better

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Hopeful said:

I’m just hoping that giving her a bit of space and then calling to meet up, we can talk about things again see where we stand. 

Sorry this happened. Do not chase her. You abandoned her and she moved on.

It's not just this incident it's that you have shown her how poorly you cope with things and that she is as disposable as trash. That means she can't trust you.

Get involved in grief counseling, friends family work/school and most of all get  evaluated by a doctor to see if you have depression or some other underlying treatable situation.

 Do not call her. She explicitly told you she will contact you if she feels differently. Besides if she were that important to you, you would not have done this. And she's acutely aware of that.

[SooSad33]

1 hour ago, Hopeful said:

‘I would like us to keep in contact, as friends, in the meantime’ in the meantime?

Meaning, no matter what, IF you'd just like to remain friends, she's okay with that.

 

Sounds okay, to reach out in a couple of weeks, just to hang out for a bit. and yes, is best to leave her be for now.

You'll see in a cpl weeks, if she'd agree to it or not.  If not, she is not up to seeing you as of yet... no one knows.

But, is best to work on accepting all that has occurred.

Sorry for your loss - is never easy 😞 .

[gamon]

3 hours ago, Hopeful said:

When she promised me that she’d let me know if she feels she’s made a mistake, I said ‘please do, cause I’ll happily try again’

Wrong answer.

[boltnrun]

Please do not buy her flowers or try to meet up.

On the one hand, she sure was making the death in your family all about her!  How about allowing you to grieve?

On the other hand, just letting her know you were going to kind of withdraw for a short while until you could cope with the loss of your beloved grandma probably would have been a good idea.

You now know there are communication issues and that she tends to be "needy" when the focus isn't 100% on her.  Those things lead me to believe you two are not compatible.

[smackie9]

She will be back..time spent apart is time for reflection. She will miss you, and realize she made a mistake. Give it a couple of weeks. In the meantime, make yourself less available to her. I know I know that sounds bad but, you desire most what you can't have. If she realizes she can't have you or she may lose you, she will desire you more.

[catfeeder]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I don't think there's really a 'wrong' answer.

I'd use this time to get clarity about what I want--and I doubt that it would be an investment in someone so self-involved that she's turn my grief over such a significant loss into a personal affront.

That degree of fragility and self-centeredness would be a big turnoff for me, and so I'd consider the breakup to be the best possible outcome for me.