ZebDed Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 We've been dating for a month or so. Last night we were hanging with friends and she told us she was likely going to head back to her home country in 3 months time. FML - what do I do? Link to comment
LaHermes Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 Not a lot, Zeb, is the quick answer. I expect her home country is a long way away? So, make the best of the three months you have left. Link to comment
ZebDed Posted May 20, 2021 Author Share Posted May 20, 2021 2 minutes ago, LaHermes said: Not a lot, Zeb, is the quick answer. I expect her home country is a long way away? So, make the best of the three months you have left. It's France. I'm in the UK, but I have had plans to move back to France - I ran a place there for 2 years and all my closest friends are there... Also what happens when the feelings grow in 3 months... What then? Link to comment
LaHermes Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 Well then, I fail to see the problem. France it is. Not a million miles from the U.K. either. Just a hop through the Chunnel. Move back to France yourself once travel becomes easier. You did mention you had planned to do that anyhow. Do you see this relationship moving forward over the next few months to the point where you and she would live together in France. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 It's only been a month! Whatever you are feeling isn't love as it's much too soon. Perhaps it's good old lust! Look her up if you go back to France. Enjoy your time now, and know she's leaving. Link to comment
ZebDed Posted May 20, 2021 Author Share Posted May 20, 2021 1 minute ago, LaHermes said: Well then, I fail to see the problem. France it is. Not a million miles from the U.K. either. Just a hop through the Chunnel. Move back to France yourself once travel becomes easier. It's an idea, hoever she lives in North Eastern France. It's only been a month, so maybe a bit too early for drastic choices... I'm worried that the feelings will grow over the last 3 months, and how it'll be Link to comment
ZebDed Posted May 20, 2021 Author Share Posted May 20, 2021 2 minutes ago, melancholy123 said: It's only been a month! Whatever you are feeling isn't love as it's much too soon. Perhaps it's good old lust! Look her up if you go back to France. Enjoy your time now, and know she's leaving. I absolutely agree, but what if these feelings of lust grow (which is possible)? What then, in 3 months time?... Link to comment
smackie9 Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 Good lord 2 hours and 28 mins isn't going to kill you. And why not think about this 3 months from now? Link to comment
ZebDed Posted May 20, 2021 Author Share Posted May 20, 2021 3 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Good lord 2 hours and 28 mins isn't going to kill you. And why not think about this 3 months from now? Yeah I'd like to enjoy the present... It would be 6 hours door-to-door, and of course I'd be up for it, but it's up to her isn't it? Link to comment
smackie9 Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 2 minutes ago, ZebDed said: Yeah I'd like to enjoy the present... It would be 6 hours door-to-door, and of course I'd be up for it, but it's up to her isn't it? This is something to be discussed when she is ready to leave. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 1 minute ago, ZebDed said: but it's up to her isn't it? I don't see the logic here. There would be no 6 hours door to door if (as you have said) you return to France. Do you intend to return to France anyhow, whether she is in the picture or not. Why is it up to her? It is for you to decide whether this is the girl for you. Link to comment
ZebDed Posted May 20, 2021 Author Share Posted May 20, 2021 1 minute ago, LaHermes said: I don't see the logic here. There would be no 6 hours door to door if (as you have said) you return to France. Do you intend to return to France anyhow, whether she is in the picture or not. Why is it up to her? It is for you to decide whether this is the girl for you. OK, I really like her, things are going great (at least that's how I feel). It would be 6 hours, because I'll be heading home to the UK before moving to France, and it's unclear when I'll be able to move due to the current state of affairs. Also, the likely place I'll be in France is the deep South West - she lives in the far North East... so I would have to see how long that takes - France is a rather big country Link to comment
LaHermes Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 I am well aware that France is a big country. I have lived there and over the years we drove through France very frequently. The also have an excellent rail transport system (the grande vitesse). So you are not in the U.K. now, but are returning there. Yes, I am aware of the ever-changing travel advice/rules. One would hope that in three months' time matters will improve and no reason why you cannot move back to France. Meantime the best advice is not to futurize, let things develop naturally and when you return to the U.K. then decide. Link to comment
ZebDed Posted May 20, 2021 Author Share Posted May 20, 2021 1 minute ago, LaHermes said: I am well aware that France is a big country. I have lived there and over the years we drove through France very frequently. The also have an excellent rail transport system (the grande vitesse). So you are not in the U.K. now, but are returning there. Yes, I am aware of the ever-changing travel advice/rules. One would hope that in three months' time matters will improve and no reason why you cannot move back to France. Meantime the best advice is not to futurize, let things develop naturally and when you return to the U.K. then decide. That's the plan, but yeah I'll continue to date her and see how things pan out. Meanwhile, with some flatmates, I've decided to move to another place here... and it turns out she wants to join... Link to comment
LaHermes Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 Well, there you go! And three months will pass in a flash. Link to comment
ZebDed Posted May 20, 2021 Author Share Posted May 20, 2021 1 minute ago, LaHermes said: Well, there you go! And three months will pass in a flash. I hope not. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 You are trying to predict the future instead of enjoying the now. I would be wondering why I found out she was leaving in a group setting instead of during pillow talk but hey that is me. In 3 months you may find you are glad to have known her but it wouldn't have worked out in the long run. Or her plans may change. Anything can happen so stop trying to crystal ball this and squeeze as much fun into 3 months as you can. Lost Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 2 hours ago, ZebDed said: I absolutely agree, but what if these feelings of lust grow (which is possible)? What then, in 3 months time?... Do your best to make sure that doesn't happen or if it does figure out the easiest/cheapest way to get to France and visit her. Or move to France. I think you are way too ahead of yourself, you dont really know anyone that well in just a month. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 2 hours ago, ZebDed said: I absolutely agree, but what if these feelings of lust grow (which is possible)? What then, in 3 months time?.. How about you stop with her. It's only been one month. You know she is leaving to go back. Stop now... so you two can work on accepting this won't last. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 You find so many ways to not enjoy dating this woman! It's kind of amazing. She won't vanish off the planet in 3 months. You can continue dating her and see how it goes. And for the love of Pete, try to stop finding things to stress out about! You're going to drive her away with your anxiety and fear if you don't figure out a way to relax and enjoy. Link to comment
ZebDed Posted May 20, 2021 Author Share Posted May 20, 2021 4 hours ago, boltnrun said: You find so many ways to not enjoy dating this woman! It's kind of amazing. She won't vanish off the planet in 3 months. You can continue dating her and see how it goes. And for the love of Pete, try to stop finding things to stress out about! You're going to drive her away with your anxiety and fear if you don't figure out a way to relax and enjoy. I need to read this, and reread it many times over. I definitely need to stop behaving like this. I don’t act like this when I’m with her, that’s why I’m here anonymously on a dating advice forum. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted May 21, 2021 Share Posted May 21, 2021 So, Zeb, is she actually going to become a flatmate with you and your friends? 19 hours ago, ZebDed said: I really like her, things are going great (at least that's how I feel). Well then, see how things develop over the next couple of months. Maybe you will change your mind, maybe she will change her mind. No way of telling. Link to comment
ZebDed Posted May 21, 2021 Author Share Posted May 21, 2021 6 minutes ago, LaHermes said: So, Zeb, is she actually going to become a flatmate with you and your friends? Well then, see how things develop over the next couple of months. Maybe you will change your mind, maybe she will change her mind. No way of telling. Initially a couple of my friends wanted to move to a flat together. Then another guy said he wanted to, and then the girl I’m dating. We’ll be in separate rooms of course. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted May 21, 2021 Share Posted May 21, 2021 2 minutes ago, ZebDed said: We’ll be in separate rooms of course. LOL. But of course, Zeb! Link to comment
ZebDed Posted May 21, 2021 Author Share Posted May 21, 2021 51 minutes ago, LaHermes said: LOL. But of course, Zeb! We will because it's cheaper for all of us! Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.