Am i incompatible with my partner?

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, lilwayne2015 said:

Ill give it a month and see how things are. Hard decisions lead to an easy life .

Right so the hard decision is to be brave and end this unhealthy situation and relationship even if you don't want to be single (you are single now -she is not your fiancee or your wife -I get that you've promised exclusivity).  

[Andrina]

Of course most people have good traits that you will enjoy, but you should realize that a dealbreaker should override any of that for purposes of remaining with someone. And unwarranted jealousy should be on any person's list as a dealbreaker.

This is a time in person's life where it's totally normal and common to have friends of the opposite sex. You're with a huge pool of people of both genders at school, and yet you're likely in a stage of terror that you can't entertain befriending half of the population around you. You get a sinking feeling in your stomach when some other girl sits down next to you and you swivel your head from side to side in fear your gf will spot you and the snakes on her Medusa head start hissing.

No, she's not the best thing that ever happened to you. You're learning and growing as a young person, and that's why you're here on this forum and know this isn't healthy.

You communicated your concerns. She has refused therapy. There's no more to be done than to break up from an unhealthy relationship. I did that after two years of dating from age 15 to 17. And yes, my bf had wonderful qualities. He was very caring when I felt ill. He was a people person and fun to be around. He took me on regular dates and spoke to me on the phone daily. But he possessed a dealbreaker. He was possessive and controlling. Even jealous of my girlfriends and would get mad if I told him I was spending the night at a girlfriend's house.

My communication didn't work either. It was so difficult to break up. I cried, because I did care about him, but I was intelligent enough, even as a teen, to envision and reject the life I knew I'd have if I stayed. And be prepared for manipulation or emotional blackmail from a controller like this. Mine threatened suicide. He didn't do that and went on to a marriage and kids years later, which mutual friends told me of.

After a whole year with someone, stay single a good long time and get to know yourself as a single person again. Otherwise, you will likely miss red flags like you did when you first dated this girl. Since it started badly and you stuck around, it means your self worth isn't as healthy as it should be. Work on that to ensure better relationship success in the future. If a person is mentally healthy to begin with, move on. Rescuing mentalities only hurts yourself. Take care.

[lilwayne2015]

48 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Right so the hard decision is to be brave and end this unhealthy situation and relationship even if you don't want to be single (you are single now -she is not your fiancee or your wife -I get that you've promised exclusivity).  

Deep down i understand everything and i know what i need to know in order for things to get better , leave . But the guilt i have in me for even thinking about it is so bad. She has mentioned so many times she couldnt live without me and she does have suicidal tendencies sometimes. The thing that bothers me is that i leave and then i make her life miserable . I realise that i barely think about myself and just think about how she feels 

[Tinydance]

Well, first of all I think your girlfriend's jealousy is actually over the top and sounds like she tries to be controlling. I had my first boyfriend when I was sixteen and I didn't care if he had female friends. In fact he actually did have female friends. He was good friends with this girl that I was also friends with and she was really attractive. Mind you, I was overweight myself and had bad acne. Call me too chill but I guess I just wasn't that jealous. Plus I had male friends myself so I didn't want there to be a double standard. Also it's very over the top to be jealous and insecure that some girls are just sitting next to you at school. I mean, maybe they just sit there because they have nowhere else to sit or they're just trying to be friendly. 

I think that the problem is you both want each other to change but you both also don't want to change. And actually people shouldn't even really have to change. It does sound like your girlfriend has issues she needs to work on with a therapist, but she obviously doesn't want to. She wants you to change too because she doesn't want you to smoke weed. I'm not into smoking weed myself because it has bad effects on me. It's not the end of the world you wanna smoke weed though. I mean, from the perspective that you're seventeen and you wanna try stuff and you also don't do it often. I'd be lying if I said I haven't tried a few drugs. I guess as long as it doesn't become an actual addiction because that can be dangerous.

[lilwayne2015]

33 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Of course most people have good traits that you will enjoy, but you should realize that a dealbreaker should override any of that for purposes of remaining with someone. And unwarranted jealousy should be on any person's list as a dealbreaker.

This is a time in person's life where it's totally normal and common to have friends of the opposite sex. You're with a huge pool of people of both genders at school, and yet you're likely in a stage of terror that you can't entertain befriending half of the population around you. You get a sinking feeling in your stomach when some other girl sits down next to you and you swivel your head from side to side in fear your gf will spot you and the snakes on her Medusa head start hissing.

No, she's not the best thing that ever happened to you. You're learning and growing as a young person, and that's why you're here on this forum and know this isn't healthy.

You communicated your concerns. She has refused therapy. There's no more to be done than to break up from an unhealthy relationship. I did that after two years of dating from age 15 to 17. And yes, my bf had wonderful qualities. He was very caring when I felt ill. He was a people person and fun to be around. He took me on regular dates and spoke to me on the phone daily. But he possessed a dealbreaker. He was possessive and controlling. Even jealous of my girlfriends and would get mad if I told him I was spending the night at a girlfriend's house.

My communication didn't work either. It was so difficult to break up. I cried, because I did care about him, but I was intelligent enough, even as a teen, to envision and reject the life I knew I'd have if I stayed. And be prepared for manipulation or emotional blackmail from a controller like this. Mine threatened suicide. He didn't do that and went on to a marriage and kids years later, which mutual friends told me of.

After a whole year with someone, stay single a good long time and get to know yourself as a single person again. Otherwise, you will likely miss red flags like you did when you first dated this girl. Since it started badly and you stuck around, it means your self worth isn't as healthy as it should be. Work on that to ensure better relationship success in the future. If a person is mentally healthy to begin with, move on. Rescuing mentalities only hurts yourself. Take care.

Thank you for the insight. I totally agree with everything you’re saying. I think i knew all these things but hid from them as i didnt want the relationship to end. Its pretty much a year of me pretending that im okay. The only thing that causes me to feel depressed or down is this relationship, thats not a good sign. But i appreciate your effort and energy , i will move forward from here and see how i can approach the situation. I’ve broke up with her one time but only for a day. Ill give this relationship a month and see how things are but being realistic i know how things will be in a month, the same. 

[lilwayne2015]

2 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well, first of all I think your girlfriend's jealousy is actually over the top and sounds like she tries to be controlling. I had my first boyfriend when I was sixteen and I didn't care if he had female friends. In fact he actually did have female friends. He was good friends with this girl that I was also friends with and she was really attractive. Mind you, I was overweight myself and had bad acne. Call me too chill but I guess I just wasn't that jealous. Plus I had male friends myself so I didn't want there to be a double standard. Also it's very over the top to be jealous and insecure that some girls are just sitting next to you at school. I mean, maybe they just sit there because they have nowhere else to sit or they're just trying to be friendly. 

I think that the problem is you both want each other to change but you both also don't want to change. And actually people shouldn't even really have to change. It does sound like your girlfriend has issues she needs to work on with a therapist, but she obviously doesn't want to. She wants you to change too because she doesn't want you to smoke weed. I'm not into smoking weed myself because it has bad effects on me. It's not the end of the world you wanna smoke weed though. I mean, from the perspective that you're seventeen and you wanna try stuff and you also don't do it often. I'd be lying if I said I haven't tried a few drugs. I guess as long as it doesn't become an actual addiction because that can be dangerous.

Thats the thing. I control my weed smoking and any time i feel like im doing it for the wrong reasons i take a break. I’ve tried acid too and she didnt like that obviously. My mentality on these things is that if its safe and im interested in it i will try it . I think about life differently than she does. I know its way to early but we dont even agree on having kids around the same time, i want to have kids when im around 28-30 and she doesnt wanna be an old mum so. Thank you for the insight, im beggining to realise the reason for my sadness and low moods. Its all sad really. 

[smackie9]

I feel sorry for you because no one wants to end a relationship. This isn't about incompatibility, this is about her behavior. You both are still mentally developing, some become more mature quicker than others. She's insecure of herself, possible low self esteem. This is quite normal for someone her age. And to be quiet honest, how you see life will change many times as you get older and go through the different stages of life.

Mom talk: this is why we date.....to develop, learn, and grow, from our experiences...and this one of those for sure. Heart breaking as it is, this needs to end.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, lilwayne2015 said:

Thats the thing. I control my weed smoking and any time i feel like im doing it for the wrong reasons i take a break. I’ve tried acid too and she didnt like that obviously. My mentality on these things is that if its safe and im interested in it i will try it . I think about life differently than she does. I know its way to early but we dont even agree on having kids around the same time, i want to have kids when im around 28-30 and she doesnt wanna be an old mum so. Thank you for the insight, im beggining to realise the reason for my sadness and low moods. Its all sad really. 

If you think smoking weed and trying illegal drugs is safe and that you will try those drugs if you're interested it's really important to find someone who feels the same especially if some day you want a family because that person will have to be comfortable with the risks of using illegal and mind altering substances while conceiving and raising a child.  

[lilwayne2015]

38 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

If you think smoking weed and trying illegal drugs is safe and that you will try those drugs if you're interested it's really important to find someone who feels the same especially if some day you want a family because that person will have to be comfortable with the risks of using illegal and mind altering substances while conceiving and raising a child.  

I agree and i dont want to have drugs around my child. But as a teenager i have so much freedom and i feel like im walking on egg shells when it comes to not annoying or upsetting my partnet.

[Andrina]

Yes, as a side note to drugs, it is common to experiment. However, know that at any age, but especially when the brain is still forming, drugs can permanently change the brain, and never for the better. When somebody needs you, like if you had to rush your mom to the hospital and you're high, it's not safe to drive impaired. You're stuck wherever you are until the drugs wear off.

It's expensive and hard earned cash is burned. There are jobs in your future where you might have to take a lie detector test, or answer questions in a background test, where you will have to answer to what drugs you took in the past and how often. A good possible career might go down the tubes due to your answers. Something someone of your age might not have considered because of life experience, etc.

[lilwayne2015]

20 hours ago, lilwayne2015 said:

Hello. So me (17M) and my partner (16F) are very different. We've been together for over a year and have had our issues but always manage to get through them strong. We communicate well and try our best to address anything that is wrong. The problem is that we are can be different sometimes. For example, im more of a laid back person and i try not to worry too much about the future and she gets very stressed and anxious about a lot of things. Her anxiety and overthinking may create a few problems at times, like her having a problem with pretty much every girl i come in contact with. Im not talking about female friends, because i have none. Im talking about like classmates who sit next to me or girls from 4 years ago which i've spoken to. They make her very insecure and she always says how she thinks im going to leave her for these girls. I always try my best to provide her with the reassurance but sometimes i feel like what i tell her just leaves her brain the next day. I asked her if she would wanna consider seeing a therapist to help her with her issues with anxiety, insecurities and other mental problems. She said no and she doesn't like the idea of talking to a therapist about her issues, she said she'd rather deal with her problems herself. I did ask her like a lot of times so consider and she got frustrated so i stopped trying. I know i can help her with these things but i cannot provide her with such a perception that may change her thinking, im not a psychologist or some god. It just feels like she projects her insecurities into so many things and sometimes creates issues in the relationship, which isnt her fault. She has made progress and i tell her that im proud of her but i just think she's not a very open minded person and just wants to do everything herself.

Another thing i do not understand is how she approaches certain problems when we are either talking about them or arguing etc. Its hard to explain but for example, when i talk to her about my worries in the relationship or how i think she treated me unfairly she just sits there and ignores me. Like a few days i spoke to her about me having a problem with her ignoring my messages and acting very clueless on text. She asked a lot of questions about something but when i asked her something she was just like "what" and didnt seem to reply to it, its not that big of a deal but when it happens again and again it gets kind of annoying because you feel like your invisible almost. Anyways, so i spoke to her about this and she was just sitting there like -_- , doesnt say anything and when i ask her " can you say something?" she just says im listening. She always says how shes listening and digesting everything im saying but it really doesn't seem that way. Obviously everything ive said on this post i pretty much told her but her approach on things just makes me feel like she cares more about herself than me.

Yesterday i was supposed to stay over at her house and i spent the day there but she had her friend come over and stay ( which she told me like a few days prior). So obviously when her friend came i went home and spent my time in my room. Everything was fine we spoke on text she told me how she felt anxious and i told her everything is going to be okay ill see you soon etc. The time i was at home that night i felt quite drained from everything, i dont wanna get into detail but i just didnt feel good. I then got the urge to go outside at like 12 am, i asked a friend if he wants to meet up and he said yeah. We went outside and we listened to music, smoked a joint and went home. When i told her that i was smoking she told me how much i dont care about her etc because i told her before that apparently promised i wasnt going to smoke until this party which in a few weeks. I know that i said that but i dont remember making a promise to her. So she obviously was upset and i understand. But what i dont get is how she tells me that i dont care about her, i choose weed over her and all these other things when she pretty much cancelled our day together to spend w her friend so i went out and smoke a little.? Regardless of what i would've done it would not have changed her night with her friend. My thinking is if its not harming anyone and im not high around her it shouldn't affect the relationship no? I dont smoke everyday, or every week. Maybe like once every few weeks.

 

What i need advice on is how do i deal with all these problems. I can't make her be as chill as i am or cure her anxiety or make all her problems disappear but what can i do in my situation? This is my first time in a relationship so if anyone has any experience or any advice i would really appreciate it. She's the best thing that every happened to me and i don't want this to crumble.

UPDATE : Im having some space apart from her for just a few days ( which ive never done before ) . Its the first day and she is texting me how annoyed she is that i didnt message her asking if shes okay. I literally cannot do anything kms

[lilwayne2015]

25 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Yes, as a side note to drugs, it is common to experiment. However, know that at any age, but especially when the brain is still forming, drugs can permanently change the brain, and never for the better. When somebody needs you, like if you had to rush your mom to the hospital and you're high, it's not safe to drive impaired. You're stuck wherever you are until the drugs wear off.

It's expensive and hard earned cash is burned. There are jobs in your future where you might have to take a lie detector test, or answer questions in a background test, where you will have to answer to what drugs you took in the past and how often. A good possible career might go down the tubes due to your answers. Something someone of your age might not have considered because of life experience, etc.

Yeah i understand. Its not good but im gonna die anyway so *** it. As long as its not taking over my life and im keeping on top of my college work and job then ill be fine.

[Tinydance]

I don't smoke weed myself but the main reason for that I suppose is that I get bad side effects from it, like really bad paranoia and some psychotic symptoms. Understandably different people have different beliefs about drugs.

Some people are completely anti drugs and wouldn't date someone who uses drugs full stop. Some people don't want to use drugs themselves but maybe don't mind if their partner used them occasionally. Some people might use them occasionally themselves. And then at the extreme end you have people who are actually drug addicts.

I'm open-minded about drugs but only when the drug use is occasional. I apply that both to myself and a partner. E.g. I don't mind if my partner smokes a joint at a party or takes some ecstacy or acid or whatever if they go to a festival. If I had kids with a partner then of course both of us would have to be responsible and only use drugs when we don't have our children with us. E.g. If my partner goes to a party, but I'm at home with the children, I don't mind if occasionally they smoked a joint or something. Of course using drugs around the children or being under the influence while taking care of kids would be unacceptable.

Regarding smoking weed though, I don't think it's just a teenage thing. Many older people smoke weed and it's actually legal in some countries or certain states. In my state it's not legal in the sense that you can smoke it in public or sell it. But you're allowed to grow two marijuana plants in your backyard/garden for personal and private use. I imagine in places where marijuana is actually legal, it might be seen the same as alcohol or cigarettes. Some people wouldn't date a cigarette smoker because of personal choice, for example. But smoking is not illegal.

I think it's just important to find a partner who is on the same page as you about the big things. People usually don't want to change and also can't change basically. Like, maybe they can change for a brief period of time if they really try, but ultimately will revert back to their core beliefs and values. E.g. I want to have platonic male friends and acquaintances. So if I began dating someone and they said that I'm not allowed to have male friends, I wouldn't pursue that relationship. I have 2-3 close male friends and I've known one for 14 years, one for 11 years and one for 6 years. I'm not just all of a sudden going to drop all my male friends I've known for so long for a new relationship, which might not even work out. So what I mean is it's important to find a partner who is not asking you to change really major things about yourself.

Regarding the weed, I think many people tried drugs and whatever else when they were young. Some maybe didn't but it's very common to experiment with drugs and alcohol and experiment sexually when you're younger. My parents were really strict on me and very over protective and tried to not let me go out to parties and clubbing and to prevent me from drinking, etc. I just thought of them as these total control freaks and I was absolutely dying to move out of home when I was young. I did actually move out at 23. Whether they're good or bad is personal opinion, but these things often tend to be part of a young person's life. And I think to be told by a partner not to do them doesn't go down well because it sounds like a nagging parent trying to control them. 

You're only 17 so yeah maybe when you're older you might choose to quit weed for your children and so on. You're a teenager at school now and you're young and having fun. So I can understand how having a girlfriend who doesn't want to let you do that is stifling.

[Tinydance]

4 hours ago, lilwayne2015 said:

UPDATE : Im having some space apart from her for just a few days ( which ive never done before ) . Its the first day and she is texting me how annoyed she is that i didnt message her asking if shes okay. I literally cannot do anything kms

I think though that if you want to have some space from her, unfortunately you would have to tell her about it. You'd need to actually tell her that you need space or to take a break from the relationship. I don't think it's right to just ignore her or ghost her. Then she wouldn't know what's actually going on. She also sounds like an anxious and insecure person and this would probably cause her immense anxiety and that's not really fair.

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, lilwayne2015 said:

Yeah i understand. Its not good but im gonna die anyway so *** it. As long as its not taking over my life and im keeping on top of my college work and job then ill be fine.

Yes so again with your values find someone on the same wavelength as you.  The "I'm going to die anyway" standard for risky and potentially dangerous behavior might be fine with some and not others.

[lilwayne2015]

59 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

I think though that if you want to have some space from her, unfortunately you would have to tell her about it. You'd need to actually tell her that you need space or to take a break from the relationship. I don't think it's right to just ignore her or ghost her. Then she wouldn't know what's actually going on. She also sounds like an anxious and insecure person and this would probably cause her immense anxiety and that's not really fair.

Ive told her i needed space. I didnt just ignore her. I told her i needed space for a few days. She's then telling me how i dont care about her, when i need space to clear my head?

[lilwayne2015]

1 hour ago, Tinydance said:

I don't smoke weed myself but the main reason for that I suppose is that I get bad side effects from it, like really bad paranoia and some psychotic symptoms. Understandably different people have different beliefs about drugs.

Some people are completely anti drugs and wouldn't date someone who uses drugs full stop. Some people don't want to use drugs themselves but maybe don't mind if their partner used them occasionally. Some people might use them occasionally themselves. And then at the extreme end you have people who are actually drug addicts.

I'm open-minded about drugs but only when the drug use is occasional. I apply that both to myself and a partner. E.g. I don't mind if my partner smokes a joint at a party or takes some ecstacy or acid or whatever if they go to a festival. If I had kids with a partner then of course both of us would have to be responsible and only use drugs when we don't have our children with us. E.g. If my partner goes to a party, but I'm at home with the children, I don't mind if occasionally they smoked a joint or something. Of course using drugs around the children or being under the influence while taking care of kids would be unacceptable.

Regarding smoking weed though, I don't think it's just a teenage thing. Many older people smoke weed and it's actually legal in some countries or certain states. In my state it's not legal in the sense that you can smoke it in public or sell it. But you're allowed to grow two marijuana plants in your backyard/garden for personal and private use. I imagine in places where marijuana is actually legal, it might be seen the same as alcohol or cigarettes. Some people wouldn't date a cigarette smoker because of personal choice, for example. But smoking is not illegal.

I think it's just important to find a partner who is on the same page as you about the big things. People usually don't want to change and also can't change basically. Like, maybe they can change for a brief period of time if they really try, but ultimately will revert back to their core beliefs and values. E.g. I want to have platonic male friends and acquaintances. So if I began dating someone and they said that I'm not allowed to have male friends, I wouldn't pursue that relationship. I have 2-3 close male friends and I've known one for 14 years, one for 11 years and one for 6 years. I'm not just all of a sudden going to drop all my male friends I've known for so long for a new relationship, which might not even work out. So what I mean is it's important to find a partner who is not asking you to change really major things about yourself.

Regarding the weed, I think many people tried drugs and whatever else when they were young. Some maybe didn't but it's very common to experiment with drugs and alcohol and experiment sexually when you're younger. My parents were really strict on me and very over protective and tried to not let me go out to parties and clubbing and to prevent me from drinking, etc. I just thought of them as these total control freaks and I was absolutely dying to move out of home when I was young. I did actually move out at 23. Whether they're good or bad is personal opinion, but these things often tend to be part of a young person's life. And I think to be told by a partner not to do them doesn't go down well because it sounds like a nagging parent trying to control them. 

You're only 17 so yeah maybe when you're older you might choose to quit weed for your children and so on. You're a teenager at school now and you're young and having fun. So I can understand how having a girlfriend who doesn't want to let you do that is stifling.

I agree but most of the whole issue is that she gets mad at me for such silly reasons. Ive told her this a million times. She once got angry because i left college early since i had to go to a funeral, and she didnt like the fact i didnt tell her i left early. We dont even go to the same college. 

[Tinydance]

3 minutes ago, lilwayne2015 said:

Ive told her i needed space. I didnt just ignore her. I told her i needed space for a few days. She's then telling me how i dont care about her, when i need space to clear my head?

Well, she needs to respect that you asked for the space. 

[lilwayne2015]

4 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well, she needs to respect that you asked for the space. 

This is what i mean 

She just doesnt want to let me have space. She ended up making me feel selfish and guilty for wanting space and thinking about my own health for once. She got petty and was like "you want space? okay then i wont see you until next week" . I was saying to her please leave me alone and she said " tell me to leave you alone one more time and i will leave for good" . 1st day of trying to get some space is unsuccessful ;D

[Tinydance]

7 minutes ago, lilwayne2015 said:

This is what i mean 

She just doesnt want to let me have space. She ended up making me feel selfish and guilty for wanting space and thinking about my own health for once. She got petty and was like "you want space? okay then i wont see you until next week" . I was saying to her please leave me alone and she said " tell me to leave you alone one more time and i will leave for good" . 1st day of trying to get some space is unsuccessful ;D

Lol Well your girlfriend needs to step up in my opinion and try to be more mature. She seems very anxious but she doesn't want to take responsibility for her mental health and get any help. Her insecurities are actually her issue to work on and she can't take them out on you. I think if you're going to work it out with her then she needs to put in some effort into actually listening to how you feel and doing things on her end, not just blaming you. If she doesn't like it that you occasionally smoke weed then she doesn't have to date you. It's OK if she's against weed but then she needs a boyfriend who doesn't smoke it. 

[lilwayne2015]

Just now, Tinydance said:

Lol Well your girlfriend needs to step up in my opinion and try to be more mature. She seems very anxious but she doesn't want to take responsibility for her mental health and get any help. Her insecurities are actually her issue to work on and she can't take them out on you. I think if you're going to work it out with her then she needs to put in some effort into actually listening to how you feel and doing things on her end, not just blaming you. If she doesn't like it that you occasionally smoke weed then she doesn't have to date you. It's OK if she's against weed but then she needs a boyfriend who doesn't smoke it. 

trust me man ive tried talking to her about this ***. coming here is the last stop before i decide what im actually going to do with this relationship. im tired of the manipulation and im tired of constantly feeling drained, a relationship is supposed to make you feel good not ***ty. It is what it is i guess, we live and learn . 

[Tinydance]

8 minutes ago, lilwayne2015 said:

trust me man ive tried talking to her about this ***. coming here is the last stop before i decide what im actually going to do with this relationship. im tired of the manipulation and im tired of constantly feeling drained, a relationship is supposed to make you feel good not ***ty. It is what it is i guess, we live and learn . 

Yes that's right, I think a relationship is supposed to be mostly good, not bad. I know you love her and she's your first girlfriend. I don't mean to sound flippant but she won't be your last. It doesn't mean your relationship was a waste of time but it just means you've had that experience and you've learnt from it what you want and what you don't want in a relationship. I think when you really care about someone, you want to keep trying to work it out. But if it's just not a good fit or not working because of different beliefs and values, there isn't actually much you could do. For example when you're older and let's say I want kids, but my partner doesn't. As much as I may love them, that value is not going to change for me or them. So we'd be wrong for each other.

[lilwayne2015]

6 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Yes that's right, I think a relationship is supposed to be mostly good, not bad. I know you love her and she's your first girlfriend. I don't mean to sound flippant but she won't be your last. It doesn't mean your relationship was a waste of time but it just means you've had that experience and you've learnt from it what you want and what you don't want in a relationship. I think when you really care about someone, you want to keep trying to work it out. But if it's just not a good fit or not working because of different beliefs and values, there isn't actually much you could do. For example when you're older and let's say I want kids, but my partner doesn't. As much as I may love them, that value is not going to change for me or them. So we'd be wrong for each other.

I know and i agree, yourw right. I feel miserable and guilty that i have to make the decision whether the relationship continues or ends here. 

[Tinydance]

1 minute ago, lilwayne2015 said:

I know and i agree, yourw right. I feel miserable and guilty that i have to make the decision whether the relationship continues or ends here. 

Well I think it's good you're having some space. I think you should think about it for some time and really think about what you want. Maybe think about some issues you want to bring up to your girlfriend. E.g. if you say to her: "I want to be with you, but I need you to work on XYZ things". If she's not responsive to this then you may need to think about where to go from there.

[lilwayne2015]

4 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well I think it's good you're having some space. I think you should think about it for some time and really think about what you want. Maybe think about some issues you want to bring up to your girlfriend. E.g. if you say to her: "I want to be with you, but I need you to work on XYZ things". If she's not responsive to this then you may need to think about where to go from there.

Ill think about it. Getting space is difficult in my situation, so getting her to even slightly understand seems impossible.