Does this sound like a genuine beginning of a good relationship?

[Guest]

I'm 25, I've been seeing this guy who is 27 for a little over a month now. And I feel like it's the best I've been treated thus far.

I got out of an almost 6 year, very toxic relationship where he was super possessive and jealous but also quite literally never acted like he liked me. Then I dated a string of guys in the past 2 years that haven't panned out. They all either "weren't looking for something more serious" or would be until they found the next best thing. But none of them ever really went out of their way at all to make me feel special, even though they were nice to me (none of them were bad people).

BUT this guy takes me out, makes a point to see me throughout the week even though our weekday schedules aren't very aligned. I think he took me out and just hung out with me and tried to get to know me around 4 or 5 times before he even tried to kiss me? (Since we have been having sex and its great as well).
He's had me come over and cooked me dinner and introduced me to some of his friends, and holds my hand publicly and stuff. He's gone plant shopping with me and let's me do his nails. It's awesome and weird. I genuinely feel like he is really into me. But I've such a bleh streak before that I'm just waiting for it to end.
I also can't tell if it's too much? I don't think so. It feels genuine and it's not like he's dropping crazy money or anything. I also have bought him dinner, made dinner, brought him Starbucks before one of his classes.
But this isn't "lovebombing" or manipulative sounding is it?
Part of me feels ridiculous for asking, but part of me doesn't. It's just weird to not be treated to well prior to this so it feels excessive to be prioritized to someone?

[MissCanuck]

I think it all sounds very positive, yes. 

Your past experiences have tainted your view of what a healthy beginning looks like. Enjoy this phase of courtship. 

[Wiseman2]

You'll have to start trusting the dating process. Things are going well.

Leave the past in the past. Don't walk with a victim mentality or sabotage things.

[SooSad33]

Sounds decent... but also remember, is always great in the beginning (honeymoon stage), so don't be alarmed should some things ease off.. Just go with the flow , be trusting & be YOU.

If he enjoys this with you, all seems good.

do you know him at all- before dating? (history?)

[catfeeder]

Sounds great! Have you ever asked him whether he considers himself to be relationship material?

How long since his last breakup?

[Guest]

1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

Sounds great! Have you ever asked him whether he considers himself to be relationship material?

How long since his last breakup?

I haven't asked specifically no, but has told me he really likes me.

And about 6 months since his last break up, and about a year and a half since my last serious one. 

1 hour ago, SooSad33 said:

Sounds decent... but also remember, is always great in the beginning (honeymoon stage), so don't be alarmed should some things ease off.. Just go with the flow , be trusting & be YOU.

If he enjoys this with you, all seems good.

do you know him at all- before dating? 

 

Thank you! And no, I didn't. I met him off of tinder. 

[Hollyj]

Sounds good.  Enjoy it and don't overthink.

[Andrina]

It's best to just live in the present and not project into the future. Hard to know how it'll pan out with only 1 month in. Just take a day by day attitude and enjoy each day as it comes, and know you'll be okay no matter what happens. At months 3 to 6 is when all the extreme hormones settle down, and if each sees longterm, things will enter into the next stage. 

Nobody has a crystal ball to assure you, but one type of control you have is to keep your life fulfilling besides your dating life, so you'll experience the normal upset if a breakup happens, instead of being totally devastated. Also, keep a mindset that a guy has to treat you special to keep you in his life. Always remember that you're the treasure.

[Jibralta]

I agree that one month in is too soon to make predictions about the future.

Right now, he seems to be treating you nicely. Take it day by day. Enjoy the good treatment, but don't let yourself go on autopilot. Keep your eyes open. 

You're going to need 6 months to 1 year to get a sense of who this person really is. And even then, you'll just have a sense. So, take it slow. 

[smackie9]

You question it because you never had "normal". Everything looks ok to me. Just remember it's ok to communicate to him if it's too much for you, express expectations, and set boundaries. You are allowed these things now where you didn't before.

[catfeeder]

On 4/25/2021 at 3:18 PM, Spicydicey449 said:

I haven't asked specifically no, but has told me he really likes me.

And about 6 months since his last break up, and about a year and a half since my last serious one. 

 

Thank you! And no, I didn't. I met him off of tinder. 

Okay, well do you consider yourself relationship material? If so, isn't that one of the first questions you'd want to ask of any guy, possibly before even meeting, or at least on the first meet?

Dating is for screening for good matches and screening out bad ones. So it makes no sense to walk on eggshells 'around' such an important topic without any clue as to the guy's private motives for dating.

I'd find an appropriate moment to ask him whether he views himself as relationship material.

If he doesn't know, or he's a 'casual' kind of guy, it doesn't make him a villain, but you'll need to consider whether that's the right answer for YOU.

[whiteroses3230]

You’re not having sex so I don’t feel like it’s manipulative. I’d wait a while on the sex, wait for monogamy if you can. It will help alleviate at least one of your worries perhaps.