gf uses sex to control me

[shiminimo]

i posted before about my gf's jealousy and insecurities. now she has found another method to control me. she has now cut me off from sex. why do girls do this stuff? i don't even now how long i'm being cut off for, just know i'm cut off. so how do i pretend to not even care?

[Ms Omaniac]

wow that is very manipulative.

 

you should talk to her about how she manipulates you and that she shouldnt do that with affection and sex.

 

personally...i wouldnt stick around with someone that tries to control me in any way. and that is exactly what she is doing. you two need to have a sitdown asap.

 

- ivy

[Hope75]

shiminimo,

 

I agree with the previous poster that this is immature and manipulative, there is no justifiable reason to use sex as a weapon to try and control someone.

 

At this point it is up to you whether or not you will choose to tolorate dating someone who obviously has trust issues and rather than communicate with you about it, chooses to try and control you by taking away affection and attention.

 

Are you willing to put up with this?

 

Personally I would be showing her the door, but it is up to you. If you want to try and save the relationship you definitely need to have a serious talk with her and things need to change.

[RayKay]

Given all you have posted on her so far - WHY are you with her is the main question in my head.

 

Holding back sex, or giving sex, as a manipulative tool is immature, selfish and just plain bad behaviour that not all women or girls do, as they know that is not what sex is about. She is trying to unrightfully control you, yet you are seemingly accepting that behaviour with whatever justifications that "girls do this". Well, healthy, stable, loving ones don't! Sex is not there for punishment and manipulation, it is for joy, sharing our desire, emotional and physical intimacy, and mutual pleasure.

 

Personally, I say given what else she does, I say drop her and walk away. These controlling behaviours seem to be part of who she is at moment and won't get better any time soon. But if you still choose to be with her, you are going to have to tell her this behaviour is unacceptable and if she views sex & relationships this way, then she needs to leave.

[kenneth05]

this is a very simple matter. you need a new gf who is really into sex, and is really against controlling you. never stand for this kind of treatment. dump her.

[shorty20]

some of my friends used to do this to their boyfriends to make sure they wern't using them for sex... seems kind of immature to me, and is just another way for her to gain control and wear the pants in the relationship... It's hard to say what to do though, because if you complain about not having sex you look like a hornball, but if you don't then you are giving into her trying to control everything. My advice would be to sit down and have a talk... seems like you guys have some issues you need to work out. Then again, you could always just give her a taste of her own medicine and just stop having sex with her. Next time she wants it say you just don't feel like it... then maybe she'll think twice before cutting you off again, lol.

[Day_Walker]

You need to realize that the issues your gf has arent going to get any better as she gets older. Think of it this way she is conditioning you with her behavior, if you are willing to accept her acting in this way then she will do this. The easiest thing to do is flip it on her, this means that you counter with something else, most would think that you want to earn back sex but that is only rewarding her behavior. What you need to be doing is showing your disapproval with your actions. You cannot be weak otherwise she will walk all over you. This is fairly common in most relationships to a certain degree, a female will withdraw from sex because of something the guy did or that she thinks he has done wrong.

[asdf]

to be honest, i think it's quite natural for girls to punish men by witholding sex. and to be honest, if she's mad at you, she probably wouldn't enjoy sex as much anyway.

[RayKay]

to be honest, i think it's quite natural for girls to punish men by witholding sex. and to be honest, if she's mad at you, she probably wouldn't enjoy sex as much anyway.

 

I don't think its "natural" or "normal". I mean why punish myself in the process

 

If you have a problem or an issue with your parter - talk to them! And then hop on over to the make up sex

[sisterlynch]

Philosophers say that there are 3 parts to a relationship: intimacy, talking about private subjects; passion, sexual component; commitment, you want to stay in the relationship.

 

If you only have commitment, and you aren't married, then she is inviting problems in the relationship.

 

She is leaving you open to seek intimacy and passion else where.

[Iceman26]

this is a very simple matter. you need a new gf who is really into sex, and is really against controlling you. never stand for this kind of treatment. dump her.

 

Sound advice.

 

I also agree with RayKay. Are you a glutton for punishment? Do you like being treated this badly? Because from other posts I have read about your girlfriend, the way she treats you, and the fact that you are still with her, leads me to believe that you are.

[Mun]

Why is she doing this?

 

What is she trying to control?

[tiger_lilies]

I had a girlfirend who would openly joke about cutting off the sex with her boyfriend right infront of other people...us! Needless to say, the relationship didn't last.

[RayKay]

I had a girlfirend who would openly joke about cutting off the sex with her boyfriend right infront of other people...us! Needless to say, the relationship didn't last.

 

In what context though...my bf and I will both joke with each other about doing it when we are playing around and teasing, because we know it happens, but would never do it ourselves. I.E. he forgot to pick up milk so I will say "that's it, you are cut off!" or vice versa. Not very often, but it happens sometimes. Now we both know just as well as the other it is a joke and it won't be long till we are enjoying in some naked carnal pleasure and laugh about it, as we both know neither of us can or would cut it off!

[DN]

Never stay with anyone who uses sex to manipulate you - it never gets better. and after a while you become bitter when you realise she probably doesn't enjoy sex that much and is able to use it as a weapon. Not healthy for you.

 

I think you should break-up with her now - and don't let her manipulate you into taking her back.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

What's wrong with bein' a hornball?

[asdf]

to be honest, i think it's quite natural for girls to punish men by witholding sex. and to be honest, if she's mad at you, she probably wouldn't enjoy sex as much anyway.

 

I don't think its "natural" or "normal". I mean why punish myself in the process

 

If you have a problem or an issue with your parter - talk to them! And then hop on over to the make up sex

 

Yes, but that's assuming the issue has been resolved. If you're still mad at each other, and you're not getting what you want, then would you still feel like having sex?

 

To be the problem that she's getting mad, not that she doesn't want to have sex when she's mad.

[RayKay]

 

Yes, but that's assuming the issue has been resolved. If you're still mad at each other, and you're not getting what you want, then would you still feel like having sex?

 

To be the problem that she's getting mad, not that she doesn't want to have sex when she's mad.

 

Thats the problem right there - being in a relationship is not about "getting what you want". It is about also learning to know what your partner wants and needs as well and talking together and working through it together to mutually meet BOTH your needs. Sure I get upset with my partner sometimes but we immediately work to resolve it and don't STAY upset for more than a little bit. "Withholding" sex is thereforeeee never an issue.

 

Communicating and talking with your partner is far more effective than withholding sex to get your way.

[Venturer]

Like what most others said, I'd show her the door right away.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Get rid of her, and when you do it, be cold about it. Shrug when she refuses sex, and say oh well, bye, it's amusing and theurapeutic.