My long distance bf’s parents are strict and keep taking his phone

[Yessir22]

My boyfriend and I are long distance. We love each other very much and we are both really clingy towards each other. His parents are super strict and they always take his phone away for little things. This time his phone was taken for falling back asleep when his parents wanted to go out. I never know when he’s going to get it back, last time it took two weeks until they finally gave it back. In the meantime I fall into a deep depression and have terrible nightmares and he throws up and can’t sleep. He’s 18 they still treat him like a child. I miss him so much and I’m worried about him. He’s depressed and talking to me is the only thing that keeps him going, so I’m worried about him. What should I do?

[boltnrun]

Have you met him in person? 

How much time do you two spend on your phones?

His parents are probably worried about him if he's throwing up and not sleeping.

[Yessir22]

Just now, boltnrun said:

Have you met him in person? 

How much time do you two spend on your phones?

His parents are probably worried about him if he's throwing up and not sleeping.

Yes we met in the summer and spent the whole season together before he went back home. He lives in a different state 12 hour’s away. We spend a lot of time FaceTiming each other. He only throws up and doesn’t sleep when he’s anxious and he can’t talk to me.

[melancholy123]

He could use some professional help to solve his sleep and anxiety issues as well as his throwing up problem.  I think you'd be better off with a local guy you can see and spend time with.  The odds of him being the one, at 18, are slim to nil.

[MissCanuck]

His parents are right to be concerned if he's this "clingy" with you and has issues with depression and anxiety. 

You two don't have a healthy relationship, by the sounds of it. It's not good or loving to be clingy with each other. It's probably better to end this so you can form healthier relationships with other people around you, rather than be emotionally-dependent on someone you can hardly ever meet. 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Yessir22 said:

Yes we met in the summer and spent the whole season together before he went back home. He lives in a different state 12 hour’s away. 

You really don't know much about him. He probably has a local GF.

It sounds like he's making excuses to get off the phone.

You need to reconsider your dependency on this.

Date local boys.

[SooSad33]

Yes, if he is this way (depressed/anxious) He should seek prof help.. and get in to see his doctor.

IMO, is not right for parents to take a phone away from an 18 yr old!.. ( as long as they are responsible- somewhat).

Either way, that condition is not good 😞 

Not a lot YOU can do with him being so far away - not a good situation at all. He needs help - and be good to get out of where he lives.. can lessen stressors on him.

As for YOU- you cannot control any of that, 12hrs away.

Unless he moves closer or something - will not be of much success, sadly.

 

[boltnrun]

I would say his parents DO have the right to take his phone away if they're paying for it.

Does he work?  Pay rent to his parents or do household chores in place of paying rent?  Or is he a full time student?

[Yessir22]

10 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

His parents are right to be concerned if he's this "clingy" with you and has issues with depression and anxiety. 

You two don't have a healthy relationship, by the sounds of it. It's not good or loving to be clingy with each other. It's probably better to end this so you can form healthier relationships with other people around you, rather than be emotionally-dependent on someone you can hardly ever meet. 

He’s moving back here in the summer. We just miss each other so we have problems dealing with it. I don’t want to end things with him, we are actually planning on how to focus on ourselves while keeping the relationship good.

[Yessir22]

8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

You really don't know much about him. He probably has a local GF.

It sounds like he's making excuses to get off the phone.

You need to reconsider your dependency on this.

Date local boys.

Lol I know a lot about him because we are on FaceTime anytime he’s not in school (I’m online due to Covid) unless we are at work. Needless to say, he can’t talk to anyone else. Plus all his friends from where he lives text me and say how they really see how happy his is with our relationship. (He wasn’t treated well in his last and then he got cheated on). He’s going to move here in three months anyways, but in the meantime it’s hard when this stuff happens.

[Yessir22]

37 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I would say his parents DO have the right to take his phone away if they're paying for it.

Does he work?  Pay rent to his parents or do household chores in place of paying rent?  Or is he a full time student?

He works but his parents always make up an excuse to take his money. He only has $300 left in his account because his parents always guilt trip him into buying them stuff, because they are suffering financially. He’s moving up here in three months but it hurts to see how much he hates living there. 

[Yessir22]

45 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Yes, if he is this way (depressed/anxious) He should seek prof help.. and get in to see his doctor.

IMO, is not right for parents to take a phone away from an 18 yr old!.. ( as long as they are responsible- somewhat).

Either way, that condition is not good 😞 

Not a lot YOU can do with him being so far away - not a good situation at all. He needs help - and be good to get out of where he lives.. can lessen stressors on him.

As for YOU- you cannot control any of that, 12hrs away.

Unless he moves closer or something - will not be of much success, sadly.

 

He’s moving here in three months but it sucks to see how hard he’s suffering right now. His parents are one of those “You’re a man, you can’t be depressed, just man up about it.” So he feels like a coward if he sees professional help. When he moves here he will be able to get help and since he’ll be out of the toxic household, he’ll be a lot happier too. All I can do now is pray for him and try to be there for him when he needs it.

[Yessir22]

13 hours ago, melancholy123 said:

He could use some professional help to solve his sleep and anxiety issues as well as his throwing up problem.  I think you'd be better off with a local guy you can see and spend time with.  The odds of him being the one, at 18, are slim to nil.

His parents say he’s not a man if he gets professional help so he feels like he shouldn’t. He’s moving here in three months so I’ll be able to see him all the time then. And I’m going to see him next month for my birthday. 

[smackie9]

Be creative, there are other ways to communicate.... send him cute cards, love letters, small gifts in the mail. I'm sure he has assess to a computer no? send an old skool email....or sneak FT on there.

Anyways you are talking to mostly old folks here, and of course we are going to be looking at things from his parent's perspective. I got a feeling your BF isn't telling you everything as to why they are taking his phone away. It can be one reason or multiple. They are doing it in his best interest...either to help him, or protect him...I doubt it's all about punishment. If it's all punishment, then he's down right irresponsible. If he is working, he can afford to buy his own phone and if he's paying for data, then they can't do jack crap about it.

So either you are not giving us the whole story or he isn't telling you everything.

[SooSad33]

4 hours ago, Yessir22 said:

His parents are one of those “You’re a man, you can’t be depressed, just man up about it.” So he feels like a coward if he sees professional help

ugh!  that is awful 😞 .. such negligence.

I hope he will be a little better once he gets out of there... poor guy!

Tell him to keep his hopes up for now..to start organizing his plans & trip, packing etc. :)

[Yessir22]

4 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Be creative, there are other ways to communicate.... send him cute cards, love letters, small gifts in the mail. I'm sure he has assess to a computer no? send an old skool email....or sneak FT on there.

Anyways you are talking to mostly old folks here, and of course we are going to be looking at things from his parent's perspective. I got a feeling your BF isn't telling you everything as to why they are taking his phone away. It can be one reason or multiple. They are doing it in his best interest...either to help him, or protect him...I doubt it's all about punishment. If it's all punishment, then he's down right irresponsible. If he is working, he can afford to buy his own phone and if he's paying for data, then they can't do jack crap about it.

So either you are not giving us the whole story or he isn't telling you everything.

Thank you, there are other ways to get in touch. His parents have always been super harsh, his friends who live down here have so many stories about bizarre punishments they gave him for small things even when he lived down here. He’s moving up here in three months and staying with his grandparents until he can afford an apartment. Most of his depression and anxiety comes from his household. 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Yessir22 said:

. He’s moving up here in three months and staying with his grandparents until he can afford an apartment. 

Excellent. Why is he moving? Is he going to be going to college and working there?

It's best not to try to fix him or be his therapist. Will he have health insurance?

At 18 no one can stop him from seeing a doctor or going to a clinic. So it doesn't matter what he tells you about his parents attitudes. That's just conjecture 

He's making the decisions. Also how will he afford education, his devices, transportation,etc.?

What are his life plans so far?

[Yessir22]

On 2/6/2021 at 1:16 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Excellent. Why is he moving? Is he going to be going to college and working there?

It's best not to try to fix him or be his therapist. Will he have health insurance?

At 18 no one can stop him from seeing a doctor or going to a clinic. So it doesn't matter what he tells you about his parents attitudes. That's just conjecture 

He's making the decisions. Also how will he afford education, his devices, transportation,etc.?

What are his life plans so far?

He’s moving so he can be up here, he misses it here and wants to be with me as well. When he moves up here he’s going to get a full time job during the summer and then go to a trade school close by and have a part time job. His grandparents are more than willing to help him out with phone bills and education prices until he can land on his feet. When he moves here he’s going to get a therapist as well.