Tips for Dealing with Unrealistic/Oblivious Boss(es)

[maritalbliss86]

I feel like we're your cheerleaders... rooting for you to win in this LOL  

Thanks for keeping us updated.  How crazy that Bill contacted you first!!!

[Jibralta]

21 hours ago, Batya33 said:

what would she think of the newfangled "aquaphor?"

I don't know! But I'm guessing she was probably more attached to the technology than she was to the brand name. 

I just did a google search for vaseline and learned that it originated after a chemist noticed oil field workers using a form of it to protect their wounds. After this "rod wax" was refined into Vaseline for mainstream production, it was originally marketed as "Healing Jelly."

The inventor of Vaseline, Robert Chesebrough, was still alive in my grandmother's lifetime. He lived to 96 years of age and credited his long life to vaseline. Apparently, he ate a spoonful of it per day. Interesting stuff.

My grandmother was very proud of her skin. She used to say to me, "Look how nice my skin is. It's because I use vaseline." Years later, when I was in my 30s, I tried it out.

I had been breaking out a little around my chin, but my skin was also dry. I didn't want to use any of those harsh acne products. I remembered my grandmother, and thought, "What the hell!" and covered my face in vaseline. I worried that my whole face would explode into an acne minefield, but that didn't happen. It actually calmed that area of my skin and the acne went away. Turns out straight oil is actually good for my skin! These days, I use coconut oil instead of vaseline. 

 

 

[maritalbliss86]

4 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

He lived to 96 years of age and credited his long life to vaseline. Apparently, he ate a spoonful of it per day. Interesting stuff.

😂 Wow... now that's devotion to one's product!!!!

[maritalbliss86]

5 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

My grandmother was very proud of her skin. She used to say to me, "Look how nice my skin is. It's because I use vaseline." Years later, when I was in my 30s, I tried it out.

I had been breaking out a little around my chin, but my skin was also dry. I didn't want to use any of those harsh acne products. I remembered my grandmother, and thought, "What the hell!" and covered my face in vaseline. I worried that my whole face would explode into an acne minefield, but that didn't happen. It actually calmed that area of my skin and the acne went away. Turns out straight oil is actually good for my skin! These days, I use coconut oil instead of vaseline. 

This makes sense... Sometimes if I need to, I use Aquaphor over my skin products at night.  I've noticed it actually helps them absorb for longer, and have a more powerful effect (very clear, unlined skin for days) than if I didn't seal the products in with something before sleep.

My grandmother also used something very simple... Ponds cream which was invented in 1846 !!!!  When she passed away, she actually left a bottle of it for us girls (me and my two older cousins) and I ended up getting it somehow ... I guess they didn't want it LOL.  And I actually used it as a teenager after she passed, and was like, "Wow!  This stuff really works almost just as good as my dermatologist stuff does!"

Weird that the basic things are really sometimes all we need.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Jibralta said:

hese days, I use coconut oil instead of vaseline.

So does my sister- she loves it!!

[Jibralta]

54 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

Ponds cream which was invented in 1846 !!!!

That's just a decade before Vaseline was invented!

I've never used Ponds, but I've heard of it. My mom introduced us to Noxzema when we were teenagers. I liked its cooling properties. But I rarely purchase skin care products or cosmetics. For my face, I use cetaphil to wash, and coconut oil to moisturize. The only time I use a store-bought moisturizer is on the rare occasion when I wear make up. It's called "Purpose," (which is kind of funny, since I only use it for one purpose)! Finally, to take off eye make up, I use baby oil. And that's about it!

Maybe when I run out of the Purpose, I'll try the Ponds. IF I ever run out of it, lol--I think the bottle I have is 10 years old!!

I should append the title of this thread: 

Tips for Dealing with Unrealistic/Oblivious Boss(es) ~and~ Skincare Tips!

[Jibralta]

On 2/5/2021 at 2:55 PM, dias said:

I don't exhibit the above characteristics (I have been told) but I am not the typical sample.

There are quite a few Greeks in my family who are much more laid back, and much less ego-driven than what I've described. They are mostly men, actually.

My mom's family was actually quite matriarchal--After they arrived from Greece, my grandmother and her four sisters stuck together for their entire lives, moving their families together from the Bronx to Brooklyn, then to NJ. 

[dias]

23 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

There are quite a few Greeks in my family who are much more laid back, and much less ego-driven than what I've described. They are mostly men, actually.

My mom's family was actually quite matriarchal

I think men are more laid back by nature in any race (on average). Although I observed that in the UK men are a lot more demanding. A nice change for once.

I avoid dating Mediterranean women, there is reason lol. Greek men marrying foreign women - usually works. Greek women marrying foreign men - almost never works. Nobody else would tolerate the temper for long.

[Jibralta]

3 minutes ago, dias said:

I think men are more laid back by nature in any race (on average)

I used to think that, too. But I've changed my mind over time. Men are hormone-driven 100% of the time. Women's hormone levels fluctuate, which probably makes us seem erratic. But our hormonal thinking only occurs 25% of the time. 

[Batya33]

On 2/6/2021 at 10:21 AM, maritalbliss86 said:

Ponds cream which was invented in 1846 !!!!

Yes my mother loved that too and I used it too.  I feel today like I was invented in 1846.....zzzzz.

[Jibralta]

Things are moving along with the potential new job... It's hard to wait. I just want out of my current job, now.

[dias]

Seems promising! I surmise it's a small company, right? If this is the case, you will have the opportunity to build close relationships with the clients which could vastly help if your plan is to strike out on your own at some point. 

 

[Jibralta]

WAITING FOR THE OFFER IS SO HARRRRRRRD!! ESPECIALLY SINCE THE POSSIBILITY OF A WAY OUT ACTUALLY MAKES ME HATE MY JOB EVEN MORE!!!!

Well, hate is a strong word. But it's close.

[Batya33]

10 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

WAITING FOR THE OFFER IS SO HARRRRRRRD!! ESPECIALLY SINCE THE POSSIBILITY OF A WAY OUT ACTUALLY MAKES ME HATE MY JOB EVEN MORE!!!!

Well, hate is a strong word. But it's close.

Good luck!! I remember waiting for my last job offer - my father passed away a few hours after the interview then I went to the funeral in my home state, flew back.  Offer came a few days later -whirlwind!!

[indea08]

11 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

WAITING FOR THE OFFER IS SO HARRRRRRRD!! ESPECIALLY SINCE THE POSSIBILITY OF A WAY OUT ACTUALLY MAKES ME HATE MY JOB EVEN MORE!!!!

Well, hate is a strong word. But it's close.

Congratulations, Jibralta! I’m excited for your new beginning and I hope you thrive in your new position!

[Jibralta]

3 hours ago, indea08 said:

Congratulations, Jibralta! I’m excited for your new beginning and I hope you thrive in your new position!

Thank you--I guess it's not 100% that he'll send the offer.... but it sure does sound like he will. Hard not to get my hopes up. I think I'll die if he doesn't send it lol.

[Jibralta]

I seriously hope there's no way for my potential new employer (Bill) to find out many times I went back and re-read those LinkedIN messages!!

I joked to my boyfriend that Bill could be deducting $500 bucks from my salary every time he sees that I've read the messages again 😂😂😂 (if it's possible to see those stats, of course).

My boyfriend is as anxious about it as I am, if not more. He's the one who has to deal with me when my day goes sideways (which is almost every day).

[reinventmyself]

I am just catching up here and I hope you have good news to report!

I read all the instances and personalities and reflect on my own job and it's unfortunate misgivings as well.

You are I are similar in a lot of ways.  I often feel like Don Quixote, fighting for my principles and I ultimately lose my mind over it.  lol

Where we do differ is I have a few years on you and I gave up the fight.  Or I should say, I practice giving it up daily.  The nonsense still blows my mind, but my health is more important than my principles are anymore.  At least where my job is concerned.  All that energy is wasted, I've bent my mind trying different ways to make a difference and it never changes. 

As my boyfriend once said to me. "It's such a shame you have to dumb it down to tolerate your job"   I am not going to get another one, so I just keep my head down and try to look away.  I figure I can practice not giving sh*t for a year or two more.  haha  Heck, no one else seems to and they still get paid.

If I was younger, I'd be doing exactly what you are doing 🙂  But be advised, it does take it's toll.   Remember, it's just a job.

[LootieTootie]

Wow, that was fast! That email from Bill looks promising. Fingers crossed.

I have been reading this thread and it does remind me of the personality dynamics I deal with on an ongoing basis at work. I am still a newbie and reserved. Everyone on my unit is talkative and animated. You also have my boss who is foreign and has a thick accent. I noticed everyone cuts everyone off mid-sentence during meetings, and I wonder why people can't say "sorry can I interject you there?" I think it's just plain rude but I must be the only one who thinks this because I try not to interrupt people, and even when I start to say something another person just starts talking right over me. It's frustrating because either I need to cut everyone too or be louder. Which I think both are just obnoxious.

Jibalta, I haven't had time to read all your posts on this thread but I was able to tonight and you are right about better to put a fight than not. Being naturally reserved, I noticed in my current work environment, people assume things about me. That I don't know what they're talking about because I am not interrupting them and talking over them. I also don't like some people's tone so I have been more assertive (I could be misinterpreting people's tone because some of these people are just blunt and loud). My boss had implied I deleted a template in a group email and it infuriated me why she couldn't email me to ask directly before making me look bad . I took the high road and said "I was not in the folder today to touch the template (that was true btw) but I certainly will save a new template that is in the back-up folder" (which is something she could have done herself). I also had a colleague sighed out loud in frustration when I told him I didn't see this document he supposedly saved in a folder for me to work on. When it turned out he had not saved the file after all, I just laughed (tried to make it sound like a suppressed loud laughter). I don't care how he took my laughter. My boss keeps training me the same stuff so I finally just told her I know this because you have told me a number of times and so I am wondering did I ever do it wrong? She said "no.. just that I don't want you to forget." I said "ok, then I think I can handle it form here but will have you look at the last product before I send it off." It was like okay you guys think I'm meek, I will show you I'm not. And surprisingly ! These people have responded better to me. I don't know why but it scares me that these people respond better to me when I am being a cold-hearted u know what but it does feel good to let people know I am no doormat. 

 

[Jibralta]

It seems to me that there are two types of rudeness that you are experiencing. I see one as  direct (good) and the other as being indirect (bad). I think I am guilty of the direct rudeness (and am therefore good--lol).

Starting with the indirect:

I think the sighing out loud and the oblique suggestions that you are at fault for something are really aggravating. Those are actually passive aggressive, crazy-making tactics; the very opposite of straight forward and blunt. In situations like that, it's difficult to figure out how to defend yourself without overstepping the line. Because the classic passive aggressive response is, "You're misinterpreting what I said. I didn't mean anything by it."

And now for the direct:

5 hours ago, LootieTootie said:

I noticed everyone cuts everyone off mid-sentence during meetings, and I wonder why people can't say "sorry can I interject you there?" I think it's just plain rude but I must be the only one who thinks this because I try not to interrupt people, and even when I start to say something another person just starts talking right over me. It's frustrating because either I need to cut everyone too or be louder.

This is an interesting point, and a circumstance that I have seen and thought about while working at different places. In my field, we talk over each other a lot. It's generally not considered to be rude at work, although some people probably do feel run over. The intention is never to make anyone feel bad. I think that most of us probably wouldn't act this way in a social setting.

5 hours ago, LootieTootie said:

it scares me that these people respond better to me when I am being a cold-hearted u know what but it does feel good to let people know I am no doormat

It probably feels weird, but I think it is better to be assertive with bullish people--that's what they (we) understand and respond to. It's not meant to be cold-hearted. It's just meant to accomplish goals efficiently.

That passive-aggressive stuff that you described is another matter altogether. That is cold-hearted. And sneaky. I think that being assertive could help you out there, as well. But those situations are always tricky and require finesse, so your sensitivity to manners will also be an asset to you.

[LootieTootie]

13 hours ago, Jibralta said:

It seems to me that there are two types of rudeness that you are experiencing. I see one as  direct (good) and the other as being indirect (bad). I think I am guilty of the direct rudeness (and am therefore good--lol).

Starting with the indirect:

I think the sighing out loud and the oblique suggestions that you are at fault for something are really aggravating. Those are actually passive aggressive, crazy-making tactics; the very opposite of straight forward and blunt. In situations like that, it's difficult to figure out how to defend yourself without overstepping the line. Because the classic passive aggressive response is, "You're misinterpreting what I said. I didn't mean anything by it."

And now for the direct:

This is an interesting point, and a circumstance that I have seen and thought about while working at different places. In my field, we talk over each other a lot. It's generally not considered to be rude at work, although some people probably do feel run over. The intention is never to make anyone feel bad. I think that most of us probably wouldn't act this way in a social setting.

It probably feels weird, but I think it is better to be assertive with bullish people--that's what they (we) understand and respond to. It's not meant to be cold-hearted. It's just meant to accomplish goals efficiently.

That passive-aggressive stuff that you described is another matter altogether. That is cold-hearted. And sneaky. I think that being assertive could help you out there, as well. But those situations are always tricky and require finesse, so your sensitivity to manners will also be an asset to you.

Yep....Right now I am just not trying to let things get to me. My boss has been super moody and I am chalking it to her being stressed out. I left my old job to get away from office politics and that was exhausting! So what I think I'm going to do now is just keep doing my job the best I can, keep my contact with my coworker who is a *** to a minimum and stand up for myself if I feel like people are being rude/unfair to me. I am not afraid of getting fired too. 

I really am tired of office personalities. I think I'm going to be patient (hoping things calm down), or until I'm fired haha, and maybe think about opening a small business so I don't have to put up with people. 

 

[Jibralta]

ARGH.

W T F does "shortly" mean? 

I wish he'd predicated his last message on the fact that his hiring was contingent on these two projects.

Maaaaaaaan. I hate getting my hopes up like this. It makes my current job seem even worse than it already was.

Emotions are so annoying!!!

[maritalbliss86]

On 2/10/2021 at 6:06 AM, Jibralta said:

It probably feels weird, but I think it is better to be assertive with bullish people--that's what they (we) understand and respond to. It's not meant to be cold-hearted. It's just meant to accomplish goals efficiently.

 

I think you're right on this, you can certainly be assertive and not, "rude," just try to point out the facts.  Thing is, some people don't care and it only makes them angrier.  If a person isn't afraid of being fired then that's fine, if they want to survive longer for some kind of goal they're trying to reach, they are jeopardizing that by being upfront and assertive.  I'm not sure how I'd handle this now... but in the past I was kind but assertive.  It didn't work (LOL) but it did feel good at the time. 

I was extremely good at my job... I had several other people in the same and different departments that worked with my boss exclaim my work/work ethic was becoming so important to him (and doing so much great stuff FOR him) that my job was going to be so secure.  But when you work with someone a little nutty, your job really isn't secure, unless you stop caring in a way and drop all the tries to get them to be ethical etc.

On 2/10/2021 at 6:06 AM, Jibralta said:

That passive-aggressive stuff that you described is another matter altogether. That is cold-hearted. And sneaky. I think that being assertive could help you out there, as well. But those situations are always tricky and require finesse, so your sensitivity to manners will also be an asset to you.

Yes, I agree, passive-aggressive stuff IS cold-hearted.  And keep in mind they may be being nice to your face (because they've understood now you stand up for yourself) and then talking bad about you behind your back... and to your main boss at that.  That's how low passive aggressive people go.  The lady Jilbralta mentioned that she works under sounds like she'd do this.  

[Jibralta]

2 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

But when you work with someone a little nutty, your job really isn't secure, unless you stop caring in a way and drop all the tries to get them to be ethical etc.

Yes, exactly. 

2 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

they may be being nice to your face (because they've understood now you stand up for yourself) and then talking bad about you behind your back... and to your main boss at that.  That's how low passive aggressive people go.The lady Jilbralta mentioned that she works under sounds like she'd do this.  

At my last job, yes. I worked for a bee with an itch.

But at this job, Kasey is one of the co-owners. She couldn't do that if she wanted to! Also, she doesn't strike me as passive aggressive, just a little clueless and..... generally absent.

However, Simon and Kasey both blame other people for their own errors. That's a big problem.

On the job I'm on right now, I've watched them change their story repeatedly. Just today, it was structure. Last week, they said wood was a bad choice; this week it's a good choice.

I feel like I'm going crazy; I'm not kidding. I took a mental health day for the rest of the day today, and I may just be sick again tomorrow!

[maritalbliss86]

1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

I feel like I'm going crazy; I'm not kidding. I took a mental health day for the rest of the day today, and I may just be sick again tomorrow!

I don't understand how people like that don't go a little crazy themselves... I wonder if they believe their lies....